This pun is a Cut above the rest
My lumberjack friend told me that he'd cut down a total of 13,207 trees.
When I asked how he managed to keep count,
He replied, "I keep a log"
To cut a long story short.....
How does the moon cut his hair?
My doctor told me to cut down on red meat.
So, could you brown it up a bit?
If you walk into a forest and cut down a tree, but the tree doesn't understand why you cut it down.
Do you think it's stumped?
What do you use to cut a Roman Emperor’s hair?
What do hipsters cut wood with
What do you call a Scot with a bad hair cut?
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left half was cut off?
Son: Dad, can I get a hair cut?
Why did the diabetic dad cut off his son's leg?
Because he needed a kid-knee transplant.
It's important never to cut funding for gritters.
Once you lose one it's a slippery slope.
"Son, you're not cut out to be a mime artist."
"Was it something I said?"
"YES!!"
Do u know how the roman empire was cut in half?-------How?-------With a pair of Caesars!!!!
Recently, the Kansas City Chiefs acted quickly and had to pull their team barber out mid-cut because they learned he tested positive for COVID.
Guess you could say that it was a close shave
Why has Cinderella been cut from every team she tried out for?
She kept running away from the ball.
I was complaining to my husband that the baby carrots I bought were so so big that I needed to cut them up for our 3 year old.
He said "Maybe next time you should get premie carrots instead."
Last night I dreamt I was in a swordfight with a knight, and he cut off the bottom part of my legs.
Before Mount Rushmore was cut in
It’s natural beauty was unpresidented
Wife: I’m trying to cut a piece of wood, but it won’t stay in place.
Husband: I recommend that you use this clamp with my company’s logo on it.
Wife: I don’t need your advise!
I cut myself making a sandwich today.
They don't call it sharp cheddar for no reason.
A lumberjack once told me he’s cut down 27,562 trees
“How do ya know exactly how many?” I inquired
Lumberjack: “Easy. I keep a log.”
Why did the shaman cut himself when he was shaving?
Because he was the razor of the dead
I cut my finger chopping cheese
but I think that I may have grater problems.
A blonde orders a pizza and the waiter asks if she would like it cut into 6 or 12 pieces.
"6 please. I could never eat 12."
My dad cut himself while getting veggies
We got some bloody tomatoes
I cut down a Christmas tree today. My wife asked me if I was going to put it up myself.
I said: “Of course not. I was going to put it up in the living room.”
My roommates said I really need to cut down on the amount of deli meat I’ve been eating
But I’m not about to quit cold turkey
What did the tree say after it was cut down? I can't figure it out.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
A guy I don’t know wants to cut down the trees in my backyard
I told him ‘I woodn’t do that if I were you’
A rope walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says says, “Get out. We don’t serve rope in here.” So the rope goes out, cuts itself in two before tying the two sections together. It then pulls out a comb and combs its ends. The rope then walks back into the bar.
The bartender says, “Hey! Aren’t you the rope that I just threw out?”
The rope replied, “No. I’m a frayed knot.”
If you cut your right butt cheek...
I saw a man that used different cuts of steak to create portraits of people
It was a rare medium, but well done
I once cut myself in an Apple store
It was because of the cutting edge technology.
How can Jedis swing so lightly with a lightsaber and still cut through everything so easily.
They swing with alot of Force.
Did you hear about the man who got his left part cut off?
Don´t worry, he´s alright now
I can cut a piece of wood in half with my eyes.
It’s true I saw it with my own eyes.
I finally cut ties with a friend who was dragging me down
Mountain climbing with a friend is very hard.
A friend of mine cut his finger off at work...
I suppose he'll be getting severance pay.
How does the moon cut its hair?
How does the moon cut his hair?
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left half was cut off?
If you cut off your left hand, your right hand will be left.
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