This pun is a Cut above the rest
My lumberjack friend told me that he'd cut down a total of 13,207 trees.
When I asked how he managed to keep count,
He replied, "I keep a log"
Y’all hear about that country barber who accepts venison as payment, but only does bowl cuts?
Says he just wants to give folks the most bangs for their buck.
So McDonald’s was recently considering selling higher cuts of beef.
But they decided it was a McSteak.
Did you hear about the lumberjack who cut down the wrong trees ?
He forgot his chopping list.
How does the moon cut his hair?
To cut a long story short.....
Why did the Cannibal cut up his victims with an icicle?
He preferred cold cuts on his sandwiches.
Weird film trivia: I just found out that Thandie Newton's character from Mission: Impossible 2 was originally going to appear in Goldeneye, but her part was cut when they decided to film in Russia.
If you walk into a forest and cut down a tree, but the tree doesn't understand why you cut it down.
Do you think it's stumped?
What do you use to cut a Roman Emperor’s hair?
My doctor told me to cut down on red meat.
So, could you brown it up a bit?
Magician: "Now, I'll cut this woman in half."
Me: "Why turn one problem into two?"
What do hipsters cut wood with
What do you call a Scot with a bad hair cut?
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left half was cut off?
Son: Dad, can I get a hair cut?
Do u know how the roman empire was cut in half?-------How?-------With a pair of Caesars!!!!
Why did the diabetic dad cut off his son's leg?
Because he needed a kid-knee transplant.
It's important never to cut funding for gritters.
Once you lose one it's a slippery slope.
"Son, you're not cut out to be a mime artist."
"Was it something I said?"
"YES!!"
Why has Cinderella been cut from every team she tried out for?
She kept running away from the ball.
Recently, the Kansas City Chiefs acted quickly and had to pull their team barber out mid-cut because they learned he tested positive for COVID.
Guess you could say that it was a close shave
I was complaining to my husband that the baby carrots I bought were so so big that I needed to cut them up for our 3 year old.
He said "Maybe next time you should get premie carrots instead."
Last night I dreamt I was in a swordfight with a knight, and he cut off the bottom part of my legs.
Before Mount Rushmore was cut in
It’s natural beauty was unpresidented
I cut myself making a sandwich today.
They don't call it sharp cheddar for no reason.
A lumberjack once told me he’s cut down 27,562 trees
“How do ya know exactly how many?” I inquired
Lumberjack: “Easy. I keep a log.”
Wife: I’m trying to cut a piece of wood, but it won’t stay in place.
Husband: I recommend that you use this clamp with my company’s logo on it.
Wife: I don’t need your advise!
I cut my finger chopping cheese
but I think that I may have grater problems.
Why did the shaman cut himself when he was shaving?
Because he was the razor of the dead
A blonde orders a pizza and the waiter asks if she would like it cut into 6 or 12 pieces.
"6 please. I could never eat 12."
My roommates said I really need to cut down on the amount of deli meat I’ve been eating
But I’m not about to quit cold turkey
I cut down a Christmas tree today. My wife asked me if I was going to put it up myself.
I said: “Of course not. I was going to put it up in the living room.”
What did the tree say after it was cut down? I can't figure it out.
My dad cut himself while getting veggies
We got some bloody tomatoes
A rope walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says says, “Get out. We don’t serve rope in here.” So the rope goes out, cuts itself in two before tying the two sections together. It then pulls out a comb and combs its ends. The rope then walks back into the bar.
The bartender says, “Hey! Aren’t you the rope that I just threw out?”
The rope replied, “No. I’m a frayed knot.”
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
A guy I don’t know wants to cut down the trees in my backyard
I told him ‘I woodn’t do that if I were you’
I saw a man that used different cuts of steak to create portraits of people
It was a rare medium, but well done
If you cut your right butt cheek...
How does the moon cut its hair?
How does the moon cut his hair?
If you cut off your left hand, your right hand will be left.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left half was cut off?
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