Plan pun joke
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Wide-president
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 26 2021
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Hey what are your plans for Valentine's day? -Us singles be like :
πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PrevAccountBanned
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 11 2021
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I don't plan to put up solar panels...

But, if you do, more power to you.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 11 2021
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Always plan ahead
πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/honeybadgercuddler
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 11 2021
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What's the president's backup plan in case the USA gets invaded?

USB

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/corken01
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 09 2021
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Have you heard about Amazon’s plan to make intercontinental shipments using electric submarine drones?

They’re projecting a large increase in e-fish-in-sea.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HandCrimped
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 02 2020
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My doctor was trying to describe the treatment plan for my frostbite.

I couldn't picture it, so she showed me a faux toe.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Cobclob
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 09 2021
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I have a plan to live on two bucks for the whole next year.

Step 1: get a hunting license.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/aaanold
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 16 2020
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Polkageist: Its all going "accordion" to my plan!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 53
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/alphadragoon89
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 31 2020
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I finally came up with a plan to get rid of the ice on my driveway

I have it all thawed out.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/princess94
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 06 2020
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How do you plan a party in space?

You planet

Courtesy of my 12 year old daughter. So proud!!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cantfindacoolnik
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 04 2020
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Why did the couple cancel their dinner plans at the local Indian restaurant?

They agreed it was a naan-starter

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/crash8308
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 21 2020
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Every morning I plan on making pancakes.

But I keep waffling.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Imholt11
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 20 2020
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I tried to plan a tour of the worlds oldest library

Unfortunately it was fully booked

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Folically-endowed
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 29 2020
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I couldn't stop laughing when I heard what they're going to call Biden's healthcare plan.

JoeCare.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kellzone
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 06 2020
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What did the bonito call the other bonito that cancelled plans?

A flake

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ConradFlick
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 29 2020
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Do you think birds ever plan out their day?

Or do they just wing it?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/m_aurelius
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 17 2020
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A midget escaped from prison by using bed sheets tied together and scaled down the outside wall. He left a note detailing his escape plan, highlighting the prison guards stupidity and incompetence.

The Warden said "he's a little condescending"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 03 2020
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Did Covid-19 ruin your plans for 2020?

If so, then just wait for 2022. Because 2022 is 2020 too.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tripleM98
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 17 2020
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I work at Johnsonville, lost a whole pallet of sausages yesterday - luckily I have a plan...

Time for the β€œwurst-case scenario”. Glad I brat that to your attention? Sorry, I know these jokes are played, you gotta take sausage jokes on a casing by casing basis. Ok I’ll stop now.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 17 2020
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Son: What are your plans for today?

Dad: A friend and I are going to buy some eyeglasses?

Son: And after that?

Dad: And after that, we'll see.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/professorf
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 26 2020
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There are plans to turn Kodak into a pharmaceutical company

But the plans are underdeveloped

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/professorf
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 24 2020
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If you ever have to cancel plans with friends your excuse should be that you have to wash your hair in a lukewarm shower with high quality dandruff shampoo.

At least that way your friends can never call you flakey.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bumblebus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 23 2020
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When quarantine messes up your plans...
πŸ‘οΈŽ 47
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cREDBARON
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 07 2020
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He had an eggcelent plan
πŸ‘οΈŽ 136
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Lekh27
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 13 2020
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I had my cornfield all set up to sell in 2 acre units when my realtor suddenly brought me plans for acre units.

He was plotting against me!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 12 2020
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Not really sure this is a dad joke but my daughter just confused us both. She's making bracelets and said she plans to sell them for 50 cents to raise money for her school.

She said she'll give half to her school and keep a quarter for herself.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/1kings2214
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 25 2020
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Fidelity just announced a retirement plan for Rock β€˜n Rollers

It’s called the David Lee Roth.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/demaionewton
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 14 2020
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I asked Dad how he plans to spend the day. He said, "first, Mom and I will go pick up our prescription glasses"

"And then we'll see."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 79
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GeneReddit123
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 29 2020
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Wife: what are your plans for today? Me: I am going to the eye doctor

And after that I’ll see

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sageyban
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 12 2020
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Why do melons have to plan their weddings?

Because they cantaloupe!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Unevencube
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 17 2020
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The plan to move the pallets went off without a hitch. v.redd.it/br7lyin1qy531
πŸ‘οΈŽ 484
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/inDgenious
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 22 2019
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During the pandemic, I plan to build a new underground shelter to live in.

It's my new digs.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 10 2020
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For Easter I plan on smoking a ham.

Anyone know where I can find rolling papers big enough to fit one?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 10 2020
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Every plan A needs a good plan B
πŸ‘οΈŽ 41
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/blueeit07
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 18 2019
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I had a plan to fry eggs for breakfast, but I dropped them

So I had to scramble

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/27Pianos
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 23 2020
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My friend showed me his plan to get and drink a frozen carbonated beverage available in fruit and soda flavors.

"Icee!" I exclaimed exuberantly.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 06 2020
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Everyone has been asking me about my plan to continue my career as a juggler when the quarantine ends, but I’m not sure yet...

everything is still up in the air.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lankyjay16
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 26 2020
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The preachers are up in arms about Trump's plan to add more hydroelectric power plants.

They are worried about the damnation.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 25 2020
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What are your plans for this summer?

🎢 Ah, ah, ah, ah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive🎢

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/M_YASS_BIG
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 21 2020
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The pharaoh promised workers they would be rich if they bought into his MLM construction plan.

It was the very first pyramid scheme.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 23 2020
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I don't plan to put up solar panels.

But if you do, more power to you.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 39
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 08 2020
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How Does NASA Plan a Party?

The planet.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AstrosAtoZ
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 09 2020
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β€œWhat are your plans for today?”

β€œA friend of mine and I are going to buy some glasses.”

β€œAnd after that?”

β€œAnd after that we’ll see.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AlabamaMayan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 25 2020
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What are your plans for today?

Friend: What are your plans for today?

Me: I am going with my brother to the optician to get new glasses

Friend: then what?

Me: And then we'll see

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VoKai
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 25 2020
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If your plans are ruined this 2020 because of Coronavirus, save it for 2022

Because 2022 is 2020 too

πŸ‘οΈŽ 31
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/paoerfuuul
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 18 2020
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