Plan pun joke
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wide-president
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Hey what are your plans for Valentine's day? -Us singles be like :
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PrevAccountBanned
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call second thoughts about plans to visit a Native American sanctuary?

A reservation reservation reservation

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xtilexx
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Do you know how Thanos came up with his horrible plans?

He’s a stoner.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cheesydoodlers
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
I don't plan to put up solar panels...

But, if you do, more power to you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Always plan ahead
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I have a plan for a new side-hustle. I’m gonna do personal training for members of the band that recorded β€˜Lola’ and β€˜You Really Got Me’. It’s a good plan...

I just have to work out a few Kinks.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/astrosmash77
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
🚨︎ report
What's the president's backup plan in case the USA gets invaded?

USB

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πŸ‘€︎ u/corken01
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about Amazon’s plan to make intercontinental shipments using electric submarine drones?

They’re projecting a large increase in e-fish-in-sea.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HandCrimped
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a plan to live on two bucks for the whole next year.

Step 1: get a hunting license.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aaanold
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My doctor was trying to describe the treatment plan for my frostbite.

I couldn't picture it, so she showed me a faux toe.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cobclob
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Polkageist: Its all going "accordion" to my plan!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alphadragoon89
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I finally came up with a plan to get rid of the ice on my driveway

I have it all thawed out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/princess94
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you plan a party in space?

You planet

Courtesy of my 12 year old daughter. So proud!!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cantfindacoolnik
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the couple cancel their dinner plans at the local Indian restaurant?

They agreed it was a naan-starter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crash8308
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Every morning I plan on making pancakes.

But I keep waffling.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Imholt11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to plan a tour of the worlds oldest library

Unfortunately it was fully booked

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Folically-endowed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I couldn't stop laughing when I heard what they're going to call Biden's healthcare plan.

JoeCare.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kellzone
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the bonito call the other bonito that cancelled plans?

A flake

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ConradFlick
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you think birds ever plan out their day?

Or do they just wing it?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/m_aurelius
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
A midget escaped from prison by using bed sheets tied together and scaled down the outside wall. He left a note detailing his escape plan, highlighting the prison guards stupidity and incompetence.

The Warden said "he's a little condescending"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Did Covid-19 ruin your plans for 2020?

If so, then just wait for 2022. Because 2022 is 2020 too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tripleM98
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I work at Johnsonville, lost a whole pallet of sausages yesterday - luckily I have a plan...

Time for the β€œwurst-case scenario”. Glad I brat that to your attention? Sorry, I know these jokes are played, you gotta take sausage jokes on a casing by casing basis. Ok I’ll stop now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Son: What are your plans for today?

Dad: A friend and I are going to buy some eyeglasses?

Son: And after that?

Dad: And after that, we'll see.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
🚨︎ report
He had an eggcelent plan
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lekh27
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report
If you ever have to cancel plans with friends your excuse should be that you have to wash your hair in a lukewarm shower with high quality dandruff shampoo.

At least that way your friends can never call you flakey.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bumblebus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
There are plans to turn Kodak into a pharmaceutical company

But the plans are underdeveloped

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
When quarantine messes up your plans...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cREDBARON
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I had my cornfield all set up to sell in 2 acre units when my realtor suddenly brought me plans for acre units.

He was plotting against me!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Not really sure this is a dad joke but my daughter just confused us both. She's making bracelets and said she plans to sell them for 50 cents to raise money for her school.

She said she'll give half to her school and keep a quarter for herself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1kings2214
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked Dad how he plans to spend the day. He said, "first, Mom and I will go pick up our prescription glasses"

"And then we'll see."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GeneReddit123
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
🚨︎ report
The plan to move the pallets went off without a hitch. v.redd.it/br7lyin1qy531
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πŸ‘€︎ u/inDgenious
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Fidelity just announced a retirement plan for Rock β€˜n Rollers

It’s called the David Lee Roth.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/demaionewton
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Wife: what are your plans for today? Me: I am going to the eye doctor

And after that I’ll see

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sageyban
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do melons have to plan their weddings?

Because they cantaloupe!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Unevencube
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
During the pandemic, I plan to build a new underground shelter to live in.

It's my new digs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Every plan A needs a good plan B
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blueeit07
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
🚨︎ report
For Easter I plan on smoking a ham.

Anyone know where I can find rolling papers big enough to fit one?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a plan to fry eggs for breakfast, but I dropped them

So I had to scramble

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/27Pianos
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend showed me his plan to get and drink a frozen carbonated beverage available in fruit and soda flavors.

"Icee!" I exclaimed exuberantly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Everyone has been asking me about my plan to continue my career as a juggler when the quarantine ends, but I’m not sure yet...

everything is still up in the air.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lankyjay16
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
The preachers are up in arms about Trump's plan to add more hydroelectric power plants.

They are worried about the damnation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't plan to put up solar panels.

But if you do, more power to you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œWhat are your plans for today?”

β€œA friend of mine and I are going to buy some glasses.”

β€œAnd after that?”

β€œAnd after that we’ll see.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlabamaMayan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What are your plans for today?

Friend: What are your plans for today?

Me: I am going with my brother to the optician to get new glasses

Friend: then what?

Me: And then we'll see

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VoKai
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
If your plans are ruined this 2020 because of Coronavirus, save it for 2022

Because 2022 is 2020 too

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πŸ‘€︎ u/paoerfuuul
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
🚨︎ report

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