What's the president's backup plan in case the USA gets invaded?
My doctor was trying to describe the treatment plan for my frostbite.
I couldn't picture it, so she showed me a faux toe.
I have a plan to live on two bucks for the whole next year.
Step 1: get a hunting license.
I finally came up with a plan to get rid of the ice on my driveway
I have it all thawed out.
Why did the couple cancel their dinner plans at the local Indian restaurant?
They agreed it was a naan-starter
I tried to plan a tour of the worlds oldest library
Unfortunately it was fully booked
What did the bonito call the other bonito that cancelled plans?
A midget escaped from prison by using bed sheets tied together and scaled down the outside wall. He left a note detailing his escape plan, highlighting the prison guards stupidity and incompetence.
The Warden said "he's a little condescending"
I asked Dad how he plans to spend the day. He said, "first, Mom and I will go pick up our prescription glasses"
Wife: what are your plans for today? Me: I am going to the eye doctor
During the pandemic, I plan to build a new underground shelter to live in.
Everyone has been asking me about my plan to continue my career as a juggler when the quarantine ends, but I’m not sure yet...
everything is still up in the air.
The preachers are up in arms about Trump's plan to add more hydroelectric power plants.
They are worried about the damnation.
The pharaoh promised workers they would be rich if they bought into his MLM construction plan.
It was the very first pyramid scheme.
Why did the melons plan a big wedding?
When seeing Wales for the first time, how should you plan your holiday?
Why did Hitler cancel his plans for the day?
He wasn't feeling all reich
My plan to open a restaurant on the moon failed
There was a complete lack of atmosphere.
Why did the fisherman plan a trip to Alaska?
The original plan was to make two Yogi Bears, but there was a screw up.
What did the vampire cat say, when he didn't like the plans his friends where making for the weekend?
The scientist who comes up with the perfect diet plan to lose weight
Should win the Nobelly Prize.
The Bread Makers met in secret to plan their hostile takeover.
A man and his girlfriend plan their annual sex themed Olympics, and the man brags of his ability to win gold...
Dejected, his girlfriend says, "maybe you can take one for the team and try coming second for once."
Why do startup bands pay for the most expensive data plans?
I'm a little low on money at the moment to buy Injustice 2. I plan on trading games back to GameStop even though I will get next to nothing for it. I'll even trade in my original Injustice game for it...
that's what I call poetic injustice.
Dad dropped this gem yesterday discussing plans for the holidays...
Me: How would you feel about a holiday cruise?
Dad: That sounds good, we can start at Christmas Island and go to Easter Island.
Me: (shakes head)
My family asked what my plans were for the next three years
I told them, "Come on guys, I don't have 2020 vision!"
On the burial plans for Fidel Castro
I ask my girlfriend, "Do you think Castro will be cremated or buried?"
She says, "I couldn't care less why what do you think?"
I reply, "Probably cremated, people love to smoke Cubans."
What is the new Canadian Defense Minister's Plan of Attack?
I wonder what the UK's diet plan is....
because they're dropping pounds by the minute!
Edit: I wasn't sure if this was a dad joke or a mean joke. But judging by the eye roll I got from my wife.....I figured it would fit better here.
My Dad this morning on his plans for the day...
Dad: "Oh can we go to the square whilst we're in town? They have the worlds biggest pool table on display!"
Me: "Oh, really?"
Dad:"Yeah! We'll need to leave early though - because there will be a big cue!"
I was looking into creating a 3D model for a project - I had the body already done for me and I needed to do some R&D about the rest of it. Found this really nice source reference to help me plan a head.
the-blueprints.com/bluepr…
My dad's plans if he ever wins the lottery.
"If I had millions of dollars, I would buy a new butt because mine has a hole in it."
Why did the melons plan a big wedding?
Why did the melons plan a big wedding?
Why did the melons plan a big wedding?
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