My wife told me we didn’t need the surround system for our living room I bought...

I told her it was a Sound Investment.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PrivateRyGy
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
Americans don't like the metric system because most of them have a foot fetish.
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gr8prajwalb
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
🚨︎ report
My dad just made a joke about the solar system

I guess it was more of a son joke though

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lamboguy11
πŸ“…︎ May 21
🚨︎ report
What is a spacecraft chock-full of microbes sent to populate the nearest planetary system?

A probe-biotic.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FernandoLH95
πŸ“…︎ May 03
🚨︎ report
I don't understand all this hate towards non traditional number systems

I for 1, love Roman numerals.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PhoenixFlamebird
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31
🚨︎ report
Why haven't aliens visited our solar system yet ?

The looked at the reviews.....only 1 star

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
🚨︎ report
Scientists found that the nervous system doesn't actually exist.

It's just a lack of the confidence system.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VeggiesForThought
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12
🚨︎ report
If I had to rate the Solar System

I would give it one star

πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/amruxiii
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14
🚨︎ report
The American healthcare system is UnBEARable
πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/arc-thicc_phoenix
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20
🚨︎ report
My neighbor sells home security systems, he's pretty good at it too.

If nobody's home, he just leaves a brochure on the kitchen table

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22
🚨︎ report
If I had to rate our solar system

I'd give it 1 star

πŸ‘︎ 407
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pjacob77
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
🚨︎ report
The solar system wouldn’t do well on Yelp

It only has one star

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/scooterT12
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19
🚨︎ report
If I had to rate our solar system.

I'd give it one star.

πŸ‘︎ 362
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wileydan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I want to build a model of the solar system.

Just have to planet.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/electric_leper
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04
🚨︎ report
My friends always ask how I concocted my perfect chili recipe. I tell them: same way OJ beat the system...

Trial and error.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/10kLines
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18
🚨︎ report
What video game system does Homer Simpson play?

Ninten-doh!

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
A want to have a party to celebrate our solar system.

I just have to planet first.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Evasive-Cupid
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
🚨︎ report
The nervous system
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dry_turtle
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
Why haven't aliens visited our solar system yet?

They checked the reviews................ only one star.

πŸ‘︎ 203
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Noir_Reaper
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Trump has just issued Boris Johnson a final warning about allowing Chinese technology in their phone system

He told him "it's my way or the Huawei"

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/emu404
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28
🚨︎ report
Why do all nerd prefer the metric system?

Because they program

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheFifthStep
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05
🚨︎ report
Just installed a new hydration system

It was well done

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BrutusMaximu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
🚨︎ report
My sink’s disposal system is called the insinkerator
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the-piano-guy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
System crash
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sheepherder226
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm in favor of the US converting to the metric system

You could say I'm a pro-grammer.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dlight98
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Why haven't aliens visited our solar system yet?

When they checked the reviews it only had 1 star.

πŸ‘︎ 238
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thatrandomfly
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I heard they sent a beer into space, destined to leave the solar system...

Interstella Artois

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JimmyTheMoonlight
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
If I had to rate our solar system

I would give it one star

(r/physicsmemes)

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_i_like_potatoes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Why haven’t the aliens visited our solar system yet?

Bad reviews... only 1 star.

πŸ‘︎ 195
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lasercats18
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I called my boss to tell her I couldn’t get the security system to arm as I locked up the office tonight

She seemed unalarmed...

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sockyg
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Why can't many people move to the metric system?

They are suffering from the agony of de feet.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the sprinkler system malfunction at the library?

There wasn’t a dry β€œi” in the house

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZaraMave
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What happened to the kid who got sucked into the ventilation system?

He was abDUCTed!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/frydadplus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad (grandpa): I'm having the solar guy come over today, we're going to redo the whole system.

Me (dad): You're going to redo the whole solar system?

My dad: Yeah, we're gonna put in a new transformer and replace some cable and add some panels.

Me: But where are you gonna put Jupiter?

My son: Daaaaaad!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thebardingreen
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Will feels trapped inside his operating system, unable to make non-deterministic decisions.

Will free will free Will?

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shpongolian
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I bought a speaker system this morning

Pretty sound investment

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Why don’t aliens come to visit our solar system

Cuz when they checked the reviews it only had 1 Star

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Farhans7864
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you make a solar system?

You planet

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zeroryoko1974
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Adopting the metric system would help make US neighborhoods so much more livable

Under the current Imperial system, every three feet is a new yard

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/martianrome
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My car has a great noise reduction system, but my wife?

You can’t muffler.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My neighbor installed a security system in his porch that launches intruders into the air, and I could tell he was very happy about it.

There was a spring in his step.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Why haven't aliens visited our solar system?

Because when they checked the review, it had only one star.

πŸ‘︎ 110
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jetty_Boy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s it called when a tree finishes uploading photon particles into its system??

Photo-s-in-the-sys

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/misteramuk
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Sorry if this breaks the rules but, please cheer up my dad! He's a punctuation expert who is recovering from surgery. He just had half of his lower digestive system removed. It would really cheer him up if you could comment with his favorite punctuation mark:

;

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/edhere
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
🚨︎ report
A small US state is trying to hack into a computer technology company's system.

I think we ought to make Delaware.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What would happen if the US suddenly switched to the metric system?

There'd be mass confusion

(Inspiration: https://www.reddit.com/r/monkeyspaw/comments/cy1td0/i_wish_the_usa_would_finally_switch_to_the_metric/eypnk65?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatTheoGuy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Why haven't Aliens visited our solar system?

They looked at the reviews and we only have one star.

πŸ‘︎ 565
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2018
🚨︎ report
All novels written in Braille system are overrated because they have a blind fan base.
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/devmittal_civ16
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I just love the respiratory system

It breathes new life into science class.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PandubsGamingYT
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I bought a car with keyless entry system installed. I like the car very much. However,

it's missing some key features.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pabesh17
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
AC repairman doesn't have the parts for our system

It would be a lot cooler if he did

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andrewtadros
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Our solar system sucks.

1 star.

πŸ‘︎ 296
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KuboS0S
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Patient: Doctor, I swallowed some rope last night Doctor: Have you got it out of you system yet? Patient: I'm a frayed knot
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lolmarco
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did Johnny Depp run after the PA system announcement?

He HEARD an AMBER alert!!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/invaderz_in
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
🚨︎ report
You know the US could switch to the metric system overnight?

But there’d be mass confusion.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Noah-Heartfield
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Solar system
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pumpmup
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I've been having the most difficult time figuring out what audio system to put in my car.

I hate making decisions based on stereotypes.

πŸ‘︎ 105
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mingonius
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2018
🚨︎ report
If Britain would ever switch over to the imperial system...

The chaps would likely have to go to a pub to have a pint and complain.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
How does our Solar System hold its pants up?

With an asteroid belt!

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/scaryAstronaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you heard they found a black hole in our solar system?

It's located inside Uranus.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Edgykiddoxd
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
🚨︎ report
If you use a fingerprint scanning system for your house's entrance, then you literally "press Home to unlock". reddit.com/r/Showerthough…
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_Faebulous_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Maybe aliens haven't visited because they checked the reviews on our solar system and only saw 1 star. reddit.com/r/Showerthough…
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sirdroftardis8
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
🚨︎ report
After looking at the galactic traveller's guide, I was shocked by our solar system's rating.

We only had one star.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wyxlor
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
🚨︎ report
It was very difficult to switch off my mother-in-law’s life support system.

I had to fight my wife and two doctors to do it.

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
🚨︎ report
None of the planets in our solar system have shown interest in a relationship with Pluto

He's just too cold and distant.

Bonus punchline.. They just want a platonic friendship

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FoxRings
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Seems like he BEAT the system
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rapper_Moezoe
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad asked me what I would study at university. I said I enjoyed learning about the reproductive system.

"Have you ever thought about sex ed?" he asked.

"Who hasn't?" I replied. "And my name isn't Ed."

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dog with a surround sound system?

Subwoofers.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Keychain33
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
If KFC ran a linux system it would be called "Kernel Sanders"
πŸ‘︎ 363
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Unit4
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Aliens haven’t visited our solar system yet because we only have 1 star.

They’ll only want to visit solar systems with 4 or 5 stars.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ConcornW
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me to buy a new stereo system for the living room

It was a sound investment

πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aliyahsboyfriend
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2018
🚨︎ report
I was trying to explain Feudalism to someone, comparing it to a democratic system.

In one, it's your vote that counts, in the other: it's the Count that votes

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/feathersoft
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Aliens haven't visited Earth because they checked the reviews on our solar system and only saw one star.
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KataKataBijaksana
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My sister keeps judging people by their sound systems.

I told her to stop being so stereotypical.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/halcyon427
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2016
🚨︎ report
What does the solar system use to keep its pants on?

An asteroid belt

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/volci
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My German IT guy won't let me run the Microsoft Disk Operating System on my computer.

DOS ist verboten.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vaxis2113
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the audio engineer do when the sound system failed before a big speech?

He found a guest speaker

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/A_Red_Mailbox
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
If you watch Bohemian Rhapsody too many times, it might cause damage to your nervous system.

Because of the unusually high Mercury content.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Got a new sound system

Nothing too special about. It’s pretty stereotypical.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thebroklahoman
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s ALEXA’s Operating System

Jeff BezOS

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CrabsForBreakfast
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I wonder if the Norse people ever used the pulley system

Yes, they invented the elevathor

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dapidismyname
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm not impressed with out solar system

I only rate it one star

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ServalSpots
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Someone should start a line of houses with state-of-the-art security systems

Call it "Sure-Lock Homes".

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the_jiujitsu_kid
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2018
🚨︎ report
A doctor, who was just newly a dad, decided to give a medical school lecture on the human reproductive system and what he learned throughout his partner's pregnancy. When a student asked what the correct pronunciation of ovaries is, he shrugged and said:

Oh, varies.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/noahep22
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm going to start a company that builds houses with the best security systems on the doors and windows.

I will call it, "Sure-lock Homes".

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/schlagzeug
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Everything’s great in your digestive system

Until it hits your stomach then it all turns to shit

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thechosenone6969
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
🚨︎ report
What Do German GPS Systems Say When You Reach Your Destination?

Nein Miles Left To Destination

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Our system of government is based on a system of checks and balances.

The key to making it work well is for people to not write checks that exceed their balances.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aiaor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do the Americans don't like the metric system?

Because most of them have a foot fetish.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gr8prajwalb
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
🚨︎ report
If I had to rate our solar system,

I'd give it one star.

πŸ‘︎ 123
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/420_esketit
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
If I had to rate the solar system

I would rate it one star

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MidgetFucker420
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10
🚨︎ report
If I had to rate the solar system...

I would rate it one star

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ConCon192
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
All novels written in Braille system are overrated because they have a blind fan base.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/devmittal_civ16
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Why haven't the Aliens visited our Solar System yet?..

Why haven't the Aliens visited our Solar System yet ?

They looked at the reviews .. Only 1 star.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ELKakashi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2018
🚨︎ report

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