Do you want to know a joke about the Chinese government?

[removed]

πŸ‘︎ 955
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alphamaya43
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25
🚨︎ report
I was fined by a government official for not revealing members of my household.

That definitely brought to me to my census.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18
🚨︎ report
The Government in Egypt has asked the city's taxi drivers to drive around Cairo sounding their car horns...

It is hoped that the familiar sounds of the city will induce a return to tranquillity and normality following the recent pandemic.

Operation Toot 'n Calm 'Em will last for the rest of the week.

EDIT: Thank you so much for my first award!

πŸ‘︎ 346
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PSN_Clamour_Kid
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
I just heard that the government has made an amendment to lockdown to allow Father Christmas out...

It's called the Santa Clause

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/S0n0fRuss
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06
🚨︎ report
What kind of a government would Authors form if given a chance?

An authoritative write winged government.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LaMusicista
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31
🚨︎ report
What is the only music allowed on US Government computers?

Al Gore rhythms.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maveri4201
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20
🚨︎ report
The government is making a regime change..

Damascus..Syria-sly.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LAUGHgan1stan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20
🚨︎ report
What type of government does a country full of extroverts have? A socialist government.
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MajorOofMoment
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28
🚨︎ report
Why did the government arrest a rancher who fed cannabis to his cattle?

The stakes were too high.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/this_is_grand
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10
🚨︎ report
The government is finally allowing Lego Land to reopen...

...kids are lining up for blocks.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
If the government included a clutch of baby chickens along with the stimulus funds...

Does this mean we got money for nothing and our chicks for free?

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ May 03
🚨︎ report
The czech government month and a half ago...
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/This-Is-De-Wae
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
I don’t like the government taking all my money. It’s taxing
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bismuth482
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
🚨︎ report
If you get a message from the government warning not to eat tinned meat because is contains Covid-19, just ignore it.

It’s spam

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Octopus-Pawn
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27
🚨︎ report
As an Aussie, I feel sorry for my American friends and their government

After all, they’re still stuck in the last decade

πŸ‘︎ 256
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Delliott90
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
The government just banned the fifth month of the calendar year.

Everyone was dismayed.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xnphls
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23
🚨︎ report
The US Government is so broke they’re going to start minting coins with negative value.

I suspect they’ll use antimony.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jayrandomer
πŸ“…︎ May 08
🚨︎ report
A train engineer believed a hospital ship was the site of secret government conspiracy and decides to ram it with his train.

Now that's what I call a loco-motive.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KROMATIXX_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the government scheme to get rid of deodorant?

They said that they are going to axe body spray.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SteadyingRuck
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10
🚨︎ report
The government shut down the local locksmith for a while due to the pandemic.

He said "but I'm a key worker!".

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Oandroff
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
🚨︎ report
Austrian government has banned gatherings of more than 5 people

They have been Austriacized..

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gregfrompayroll
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16
🚨︎ report
The German government is advising residents to stock up on sausage and cheese due to the Covid pandemic.

They're calling it a wurst-kΓ€ze scenario.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_jandax
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18
🚨︎ report
I knew the government was hiding something
πŸ‘︎ 68
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scaulbylausis
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23
🚨︎ report
Apparently, new government advice in light of the toilet paper shortage is to use lettuce leaves when using the toilet.

It's the tip of the iceberg (courtesy of my dad).

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nathd1991
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18
🚨︎ report
In the Israeli government who has the most power?

The Jewdiciary branch

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Y2KoNo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21
🚨︎ report
My local government sent me some free, emergency toilet paper in the mail!

They called it a "Jury Summons."

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22
🚨︎ report
What did the government tell the astronaut to do during the pandemic?

Shelter in space

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rebeckys
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27
🚨︎ report
I was going to get a tattoo in Madrid, but the tattoo artist I wanted to go to got in trouble for making some anti government tattoo art, which was quite a surprise

No one expects the Spanish ink sedition

πŸ‘︎ 81
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/allanon101
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
The government is starting to punish criminals by giving them Coronavirus

They get hand-coughed

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mush_Tilly
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14
🚨︎ report
Since the government's instituted shelter-in-place orders, lions have been roaming main street...

It's a Pride Parade.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21
🚨︎ report
What do you call two female lovers spying on the government.

Lesbionage

πŸ‘︎ 334
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Omicra98
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
The Pentagon has a bakery where government agents learn secret recipes by mixing the ingredients themselves...

It operates on a knead to know basis.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.

It’s a military coo.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a snake that works for the government?

A civil serpent

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shoryuha
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
TIL - That in 17th century there were so many witches in France that they organized, rose up, and overtook the government for a time. I forget how many witches were involved or even what their movement was called....

But I bet it was a "beau-coup."

: )

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
🚨︎ report
A Government think tank have carried out a survey looking into how people walk home from the pub...

The results are staggering.

πŸ‘︎ 125
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the government ban swimming?

To cut down on poolution

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dasvott
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I was fired from my cozy government job for wearing a tank top.

I forgot that you’re not allowed to bring guns on government property.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jrg1281
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
🚨︎ report
My government teacher always said he was gonna get around to it. Well I guess he finally did.
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UltimateShedinja
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cat in government?

A Pawlitician

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DanMacAttack
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What technology does the Chinese Government use to determine which dance moves are appropriate and respectable?

Motion censors

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
So i recently read that the Norwegian Government put bar codes on their ships. That means that when a ship comes in, they have to

Scandinavian.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Overlevendeftw
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a government that controls toilets?

To-toliet-tarian

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Osithewolf
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Not a dad joke, just wanted to let the dad-jokers of the world that the US government has your backs

https://twitter.com/ultimateshtpstr/status/1117149591273521152?s=21

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OfficialNambia
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried to register slimshady.com, but it turns out that it is owned by the US Government.

They cited Eminem Domain.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Why does the government hate it when eagles fall sick?

Because it’s β€œill eagle”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/subradu
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an Italian guy who knows all the government’s secrets?

Lou Minnati

πŸ‘︎ 114
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pcanelos
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2018
🚨︎ report
I tried to go on slimshady.com, but it turns out that the US government has taken it over.

They are citing Eminem Domain.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Why doesn’t the government trust seafood places

Cuz they’re always a bit fishy

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Citydoodle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you give a guy with a cold that is pretending to be a government agent?

PseudoFed

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/frupp110
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
There was a massive cyber attack recently, the government is still looking for the hacker

I think he ran some ware

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dolizcny
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a member of government interested in space?

Apollotician.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
🚨︎ report
The government tried to take away The Beastie Boys' Medicare

They had to fight for their right to Part A.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jdpiano
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
🚨︎ report
There was a whole wave of people quitting smoking when a government body put out a warning on cigarettes.

It was a surge in general.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jojj351
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
🚨︎ report
If the government were to pass out free laxatives...

...would that make them enemas of the state?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Good to seen the US government back to work today after the shutdown...

They've been away all year.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2019
🚨︎ report
The government wanted to remove roman numerals

Not on my watch

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SoberThree
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
🚨︎ report
The government denied tax exemption for my church that believes Jesus spoke with a lisp

It was a real slap in the faith.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ImJesusBro
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Taxpayers frustrated over giant rubber duck, gets the government involved in puns. youtube.com/watch?v=Z_URa…
πŸ‘︎ 159
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MEGA__MAX
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2017
🚨︎ report
What did the anarchist say to the government?

I'm sorry for your laws

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Word_Dudely
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
🚨︎ report
The government should watch out for the sweater conspiracy theory.

It is a thread.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tobilub04
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What is a government officials favorite kind of christmas light?

A Blinkin' one

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cXoXdXy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Slavic governments accounting department?

Czechs and balances.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/antropologo_2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a hidden government project in the ocean?

A SEACRET project

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JovanReddit4556
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
🚨︎ report
As a sewage tech, I am well qualified for government work...

I have lots of experience in waste management.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Our system of government is based on a system of checks and balances.

The key to making it work well is for people to not write checks that exceed their balances.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aiaor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call the campsite of a government camping trip?

The tentagon.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ozfest117
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
🚨︎ report
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.

The freedom of press is no more.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2018
🚨︎ report
If an insane person has a government sector job...

...that would make them a Sybil Servant.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
🚨︎ report
The Government is pushing us towards a cashless society. But I won't stand for it...

I want change!

πŸ‘︎ 81
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GingerBraFace
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2017
🚨︎ report
Despite what the Federal Government claims, there are actually only two Food Groups:
  1. Foods I will eat.
  2. Foods I won't eat.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
🚨︎ report
The government forcibly took over Marshall Mathers’ childhood home.

They are citing Eminem Domain.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Two livestock farmers were sat in the pub arguing over the government’s upcoming ban on exporting live animals...

The beef cattle farmer thought it was a silly policy and would greatly reduce his income from selling meat overseas....

The pig farmer disagreed, he thought it was a great opportunity for livestock farmers to benefit from higher profit margins in a strong domestic market with fewer overheads.

Feeling very passionate after a few beers, the beef farmer says to the pig farmer:

β€œThis time in 12 months, the government will have repealed this policy because it’s such a terrible idea... in fact, I’m willing to bet on it. If I’m wrong, and they don’t repeal it, I’ll give you my prized cow, Daisy. But if I’m right, and they do repeal it, you have to give me free bacon for a year”.

The pig farmer is confident that the policy will be a success and won’t be repealed. So he says β€œdeal”.

The beef farmer carries on:

β€œActually, I think this policy is going to be such a terrible failure that I’ll need to sell half of my cows to stay afloat... in fact, I’m willing to bet on it. If I’m wrong, and t

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dens382
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
🚨︎ report
The NSW Government love their puns
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ibeatobesity
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a prostitue that only works for law enforcement branches of the government?

Police Escort

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Seaweed_17
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the government get rid of the penny?

Because it was common sense.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/amidnightoker
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Viagra was banned in China by the government.

They don’t want to admit they have election problems.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lum1nar
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2018
🚨︎ report
The use of "Delhi-dallying" in this Economist article, in the context of the Modi government's hesitancy to reform economist.com/news/briefi…
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iZacAsimov
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2017
🚨︎ report
The government are doing nothing to stop the plant take-over!

They're a bunch of photo-sympathizers!

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ExplosiveLlama
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2016
🚨︎ report
What do you call a high ranking Russian government official that is also a fish?

A czardine

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/havealittlepun
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call and official government order that involves two guys going to dinner?

A mandate.

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WheresTheWombo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2016
🚨︎ report
Why did the government get rid of the penny?

Because it was common cents.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/amidnightoker
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2018
🚨︎ report
So some pigeons were pretty unhappy with their government...

...they decided to stage a coo

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/imadeaname
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2015
🚨︎ report
The idea that government tends to become too big and inefficient is a self-fulfilling profligacy.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jstclkpoker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2017
🚨︎ report
How many books are there based on an evil government with thought police?

Estimates put it anywhere from 451 to 1984.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2017
🚨︎ report
There was an American senator that was sent to Israel to examine its government.

Once he returned, he said, "I didn't like their politics, but their army Israeli nice."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/modstms
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a group of babies overthrows the government?

A coochie coochie coup.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WeAreDuval
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a snake that works in the government?

A Civil Serpent

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/X-pertNinja
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a snake that works for the government?

A civil serpent.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RestlessDiesel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2017
🚨︎ report

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