What do you call a snake that works for the government?

A Civil Serpent.

πŸ‘︎ 590
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
🚨︎ report
Do you know what happened to Jack Ma after he criticized the Chinese Government?

[removed]

πŸ‘︎ 98
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cthulhouette
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
Only government...

Can screw you hard for a whole year before they even stimulate you

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
A group in Denmark is trying to convince the government to use old Legos to re-pave their highways...

...unfortunately, they've been running into a lot of road blocks.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between the government and the mafia?

The mafia can turn a profit!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dudebrostien
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Due to COVID-19, the German government is advising that people stock up on sausages and cheese.

They are preparing for a wurst kΓ€se scenario.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GamerFluff27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
The Government Accidentally Built A Prison Outside My Home,

I Guess You Could Say I'm Under House Arrest.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MichiMichu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
The German government is calling for everybody to stock up on sausage and cheese in case of a second lockdown.

It's the Wurst-kΓ€se-scenario

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JFCBrouwer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A report just came out exposing how the government's mishandling of an explosive object could've caused the deaths of hundreds of civilians

It was a bombshell

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MRTJ115
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
After many years of designing, the government has released a new type of currency made out of herbs.

They spent a lot of thyme on it, but now it's mint.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...

I hope I get Doritos.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mickerallen100
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
The Egyptian government has asked Cairo’s taxi drivers to drive around and sound their horns in the hope that familiar sounds will help calm the residents following the pandemic.

Operation Toot And Calm β€˜Em will last a week.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
The government started banning alcoholic drinks, so I'm selling liquor in secret.

It's a Whisky business

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RevanAndTheSithy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
The U. S. Government legally believes in demons.

After all, possession is 9/10ths of the law.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madkins007
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Cardi B’s sister used to spy for the Russian government, but refuses to talk about it publicly

They call her Cagey B.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Where I grew up, we had back-to-back violent attempts to overthrow the government.

It was coup coup

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/asiers
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of a government would Authors form if given a chance?

An authoritative write winged government.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LaMusicista
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I just heard that the government has made an amendment to lockdown to allow Father Christmas out...

It's called the Santa Clause

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/S0n0fRuss
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
If the government banned cigarettes, I would shout slogans and protest

But I'm afraid I wouldn't have the lung capacity

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DearGrocery
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the government arrest a rancher who fed cannabis to his cattle?

The stakes were too high.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/this_is_grand
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What type of government does a country full of extroverts have? A socialist government.
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MajorOofMoment
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the only music allowed on US Government computers?

Al Gore rhythms.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maveri4201
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
As an Aussie, I feel sorry for my American friends and their government

After all, they’re still stuck in the last decade

πŸ‘︎ 261
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Delliott90
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
The government is making a regime change..

Damascus..Syria-sly.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LAUGHgan1stan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
If the government included a clutch of baby chickens along with the stimulus funds...

Does this mean we got money for nothing and our chicks for free?

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
🚨︎ report
The government just banned the fifth month of the calendar year.

Everyone was dismayed.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xnphls
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
🚨︎ report
The government is finally allowing Lego Land to reopen...

...kids are lining up for blocks.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
The czech government month and a half ago...
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/This-Is-De-Wae
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I don’t like the government taking all my money. It’s taxing
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bismuth482
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
If you get a message from the government warning not to eat tinned meat because is contains Covid-19, just ignore it.

It’s spam

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Octopus-Pawn
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I knew the government was hiding something
πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scaulbylausis
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
🚨︎ report
A train engineer believed a hospital ship was the site of secret government conspiracy and decides to ram it with his train.

Now that's what I call a loco-motive.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KROMATIXX_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Austrian government has banned gatherings of more than 5 people

They have been Austriacized..

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gregfrompayroll
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the government scheme to get rid of deodorant?

They said that they are going to axe body spray.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SteadyingRuck
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
In the Israeli government who has the most power?

The Jewdiciary branch

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Y2KoNo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I was going to get a tattoo in Madrid, but the tattoo artist I wanted to go to got in trouble for making some anti government tattoo art, which was quite a surprise

No one expects the Spanish ink sedition

πŸ‘︎ 78
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/allanon101
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Apparently, new government advice in light of the toilet paper shortage is to use lettuce leaves when using the toilet.

It's the tip of the iceberg (courtesy of my dad).

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nathd1991
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call two female lovers spying on the government.

Lesbionage

πŸ‘︎ 335
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Omicra98
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My local government sent me some free, emergency toilet paper in the mail!

They called it a "Jury Summons."

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the government tell the astronaut to do during the pandemic?

Shelter in space

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rebeckys
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
🚨︎ report
The government is starting to punish criminals by giving them Coronavirus

They get hand-coughed

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mush_Tilly
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Since the government's instituted shelter-in-place orders, lions have been roaming main street...

It's a Pride Parade.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
🚨︎ report
The Pentagon has a bakery where government agents learn secret recipes by mixing the ingredients themselves...

It operates on a knead to know basis.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
🚨︎ report
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.

It’s a military coo.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
🚨︎ report
A Government think tank have carried out a survey looking into how people walk home from the pub...

The results are staggering.

πŸ‘︎ 126
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I was fired from my cozy government job for wearing a tank top.

I forgot that you’re not allowed to bring guns on government property.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jrg1281
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you want to know a joke about the Chinese government?

[removed]

πŸ‘︎ 967
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alphamaya43
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a snake that works for the government?

A civil serpent

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shoryuha
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report

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