He was trying to see which way I was leaning
He’s all right wing.
Poly = many. Ticks = blood sucking parasites.
I replied saying “let the people in this sub decide, for christ sake”
Dad: Are you insane? Have you completely lost your mind? Are you a moron?
Kid: Forget it. There seems to be too many requirements.
But now I dont know my left from my right
The lady asked "have you read Marx?"
"Yes" the man replied, "I think they're from the wicker chairs."
Because they love to arrr-gue and never sea eye-to-eye(patch)
He then corrected himself. What he meant to say, was pencils of color.
Poli is a Greek word meaning many, and tics are small, bloodsucking insects.
She's an altered stateswoman.
Joe is becoming a sodbuster and Rudy is going to sell some dirt for him.
They were not amused. (Link)
If you’re too much to the left or to much to the right, it’s sh*tty.
It’s like I don’t have 2020 vision
and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.
He wanted change
that you cant even shoot a congressman without hitting a lobbyist
I'm in the back seat of my dad's car, as we're driving down a rather busy street of a populated city. My dad taps me on the shoulder and gestures out the window with an air of disgust.
Dad: "I can't believe all the political advertising they have out here."
I look around for quite some time, expecting to spot a house covered with election signs or political party banners. All that I see are a series of pylons with road signs intermittently placed in between them.
The signs say: "Keep left."
My dad snickers with pride and drives off.
So my parents bought a new house, and they are in the process of moving in.
He wants to get some greenery for the front yard, so we're at Home Depot.
He's looking at something, I don't know what, and he makes the comment, "this is almost the exact same thing that we have at the old house, and I love it."
I ask him, "why didn't you like my idea of transplants from the old one to the new house, then?"
Deadpan he replies, "Jay, you know I don't care about a plants sexual orientation or gender."
Seriously, my father, ladies and gentlemen.
Home made pizza night at my parents place. Dad points to a bag of pre-grated mozzarella cheese and says "I hear Trump wants to ban that stuff", "What?", "He says he wants to make America grate again"
He was Burak rat.
Once upon a time in the 80’s, the religious supreme ruler of a middle eastern country fled outside military forces seeking to strip him of his power using whatever means necessary. Fearing for his life, he was secretly smuggled into the US where he reluctantly shaved his beard and attempted to blend in.
He successfully went native and got an apartment, and soon realized he needed a job to pay for food and rent. He didn't want to do any sort of manual labor or serve others, as he craved comfortable control. He eventually became a toll booth operator, where he enjoyed sitting in his high chair, making people pay him so that he would grant them passage. Over time he grew bold and began to use his own judgment on what vehicles would pay him for his blessing to cross.
One day, two semi-tractor trailer beverage trucks were in his line, a Pepsi truck in front, and a Coke truck behind. The Pepsi truck pulled up and he said "Pepsi truck, you may pass for free." The Pepsi truck driver happily accepted, and over his CB radio told the Coke truck driver “This guy just let me through for free!”. When the Coke truck pulled up, hoping to also pass for free, the toll booth dictator said "Coke truck, you will pay me 100 of your American dollars."
The Coke truck driver was livid, and said "You let that Pepsi truck pass for free! You want me to pay 100 dollars?! That’s outrageous! I am going to report this! What is your name?!" Our toll booth operator proudly replied "Ayatollah Cokemainly."