My chiropractor started talking politics today

He was trying to see which way I was leaning

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PokeBottom
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 01 2021
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If Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII was involved with politics, he’d be a republican.

He’s all right wing.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ActuallyNTiX
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 11 2020
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Politics is the most accurate word in the English language

Poly = many. Ticks = blood sucking parasites.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Tao1976
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 14 2020
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I usually stay out of politics, but - and this is a big but - ...

>!https://imgur.com/xDwJi0C!<

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MyPeeSacIsFull
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 10 2020
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I got a warning message from a mod saying β€œmy jokes are bringing to much religion and politics into this sub”

I replied saying β€œlet the people in this sub decide, for christ sake”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Folically-endowed
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 02 2020
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Office Politics
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/qu1etus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 07 2019
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Kid: Dad, I want to be in politics when I grow up.

Dad: Are you insane? Have you completely lost your mind? Are you a moron?

Kid: Forget it. There seems to be too many requirements.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 14 2018
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You may not believe that blackface happened in Canadian Politics...

It's Trudeau.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 335
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/colonelbackhand
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 19 2019
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I used to understand politics like the back of my hand

But now I dont know my left from my right

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/iamdrbright
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 15 2020
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At a nudist camp a couple were sitting discussing politics.

The lady asked "have you read Marx?"

"Yes" the man replied, "I think they're from the wicker chairs."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 03 2020
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Why don't you bring up politics or religion around pirates?

Because they love to arrr-gue and never sea eye-to-eye(patch)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheMasonX
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 18 2020
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Campside politics are never a good idea.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 254
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Dannyboi93
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 15 2019
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We were learning about politics and discrimination in class. Our teacher told us to grab colored pencils.

He then corrected himself. What he meant to say, was pencils of color.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/King_Sparky_
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 12 2020
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Do you know the definition of politics?

Poli is a Greek word meaning many, and tics are small, bloodsucking insects.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 30
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PM_me_your_problems1
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 04 2020
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We’ve invaded politics
πŸ‘οΈŽ 157
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/OMGitsnotjohn
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 11 2019
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My niece who is active in politics just had a face lift...

She's an altered stateswoman.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 29 2020
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Joe Biden and Rudy Giuliani have decided to get out of politics.

Joe is becoming a sodbuster and Rudy is going to sell some dirt for him.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 07 2019
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So I tried dad-joking /r/politics...

They were not amused. (Link)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ragnarocka
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 06 2014
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Politics is like using a bidet.

If you’re too much to the left or to much to the right, it’s sh*tty.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/matcorn
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 24 2019
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I feel like I really can’t tell what’s gonna happen next year. Movies, politics, my personal life. I can’t predict anything

It’s like I don’t have 2020 vision

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cttaylor97
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 29 2019
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There’s only one thing that attracts me to politics...

Parties.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dens382
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 01 2018
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The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many'...

and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/fatandsalt
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 05 2018
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Did you hear about the homeless man that recently became passionate about politics and ran for office?

He wanted change

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/aparks1437
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 08 2018
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What do bacteria do when they involved in politics?

They streptococcus.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/saisharan007
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 13 2016
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A life in Politics

is full of parties

πŸ‘οΈŽ 26
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/that_6th_string
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 13 2016
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Politics are so corrupt these days...

that you cant even shoot a congressman without hitting a lobbyist

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/trimike
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 14 2017
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Politics

I'm in the back seat of my dad's car, as we're driving down a rather busy street of a populated city. My dad taps me on the shoulder and gestures out the window with an air of disgust.

Dad: "I can't believe all the political advertising they have out here."

I look around for quite some time, expecting to spot a house covered with election signs or political party banners. All that I see are a series of pylons with road signs intermittently placed in between them.

The signs say: "Keep left."

My dad snickers with pride and drives off.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 28
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ModernAztec
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 18 2014
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Gender politics in the Home Depot garden section

So my parents bought a new house, and they are in the process of moving in.

He wants to get some greenery for the front yard, so we're at Home Depot.

He's looking at something, I don't know what, and he makes the comment, "this is almost the exact same thing that we have at the old house, and I love it."

I ask him, "why didn't you like my idea of transplants from the old one to the new house, then?"

Deadpan he replies, "Jay, you know I don't care about a plants sexual orientation or gender."

Seriously, my father, ladies and gentlemen.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Mister_Jay_Peg
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 24 2016
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The word "politics" is derived from the word 'poly', meaning "many", and the word 'ticks', meaning "blood sucking parasites". (Larry Hardiman)
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Kosmozoan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 14 2014
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Politics
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Mrfreshonyomama
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 20 2013
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In which my dad keeps up with politics in the US.

Home made pizza night at my parents place. Dad points to a bag of pre-grated mozzarella cheese and says "I hear Trump wants to ban that stuff", "What?", "He says he wants to make America grate again"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BountyHNZ
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 20 2016
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Did you hear about the Turkish rodent who got a job in politics?

He was Burak rat.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/fairyoathen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 19 2016
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Apparently /r/politics has no appreciation for dad jokes imgur.com/dRBzzA0
πŸ‘οΈŽ 97
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/facepwned
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 28 2013
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My old friend's dad's goof on early 80's politics will take your heart hostage.

Once upon a time in the 80’s, the religious supreme ruler of a middle eastern country fled outside military forces seeking to strip him of his power using whatever means necessary. Fearing for his life, he was secretly smuggled into the US where he reluctantly shaved his beard and attempted to blend in.

He successfully went native and got an apartment, and soon realized he needed a job to pay for food and rent. He didn't want to do any sort of manual labor or serve others, as he craved comfortable control. He eventually became a toll booth operator, where he enjoyed sitting in his high chair, making people pay him so that he would grant them passage. Over time he grew bold and began to use his own judgment on what vehicles would pay him for his blessing to cross.

One day, two semi-tractor trailer beverage trucks were in his line, a Pepsi truck in front, and a Coke truck behind. The Pepsi truck pulled up and he said "Pepsi truck, you may pass for free." The Pepsi truck driver happily accepted, and over his CB radio told the Coke truck driver β€œThis guy just let me through for free!”. When the Coke truck pulled up, hoping to also pass for free, the toll booth dictator said "Coke truck, you will pay me 100 of your American dollars."

The Coke truck driver was livid, and said "You let that Pepsi truck pass for free! You want me to pay 100 dollars?! That’s outrageous! I am going to report this! What is your name?!" Our toll booth operator proudly replied "Ayatollah Cokemainly."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AllUpInMyRizznus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 23 2014
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Politics

Poly = many Ticks= blood-suckers

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jhmorgan87
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 19 2019
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