My chiropractor started talking politics today

He was trying to see which way I was leaning

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PokeBottom
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
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If Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII was involved with politics, he’d be a republican.

He’s all right wing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ActuallyNTiX
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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Politics is the most accurate word in the English language

Poly = many. Ticks = blood sucking parasites.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tao1976
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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I usually stay out of politics, but - and this is a big but - ...

>!https://imgur.com/xDwJi0C!<

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyPeeSacIsFull
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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I got a warning message from a mod saying β€œmy jokes are bringing to much religion and politics into this sub”

I replied saying β€œlet the people in this sub decide, for christ sake”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Folically-endowed
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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I used to understand politics like the back of my hand

But now I dont know my left from my right

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iamdrbright
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
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At a nudist camp a couple were sitting discussing politics.

The lady asked "have you read Marx?"

"Yes" the man replied, "I think they're from the wicker chairs."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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Office Politics
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πŸ‘€︎ u/qu1etus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
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Why don't you bring up politics or religion around pirates?

Because they love to arrr-gue and never sea eye-to-eye(patch)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMasonX
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
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You may not believe that blackface happened in Canadian Politics...

It's Trudeau.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/colonelbackhand
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
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Kid: Dad, I want to be in politics when I grow up.

Dad: Are you insane? Have you completely lost your mind? Are you a moron?

Kid: Forget it. There seems to be too many requirements.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2018
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We were learning about politics and discrimination in class. Our teacher told us to grab colored pencils.

He then corrected himself. What he meant to say, was pencils of color.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/King_Sparky_
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
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Do you know the definition of politics?

Poli is a Greek word meaning many, and tics are small, bloodsucking insects.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
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Campside politics are never a good idea.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dannyboi93
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
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We’ve invaded politics
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OMGitsnotjohn
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
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My niece who is active in politics just had a face lift...

She's an altered stateswoman.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
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Joe Biden and Rudy Giuliani have decided to get out of politics.

Joe is becoming a sodbuster and Rudy is going to sell some dirt for him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
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Politics is like using a bidet.

If you’re too much to the left or to much to the right, it’s sh*tty.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/matcorn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
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So I tried dad-joking /r/politics...

They were not amused. (Link)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ragnarocka
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2014
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I feel like I really can’t tell what’s gonna happen next year. Movies, politics, my personal life. I can’t predict anything

It’s like I don’t have 2020 vision

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cttaylor97
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
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There’s only one thing that attracts me to politics...

Parties.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dens382
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2018
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The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many'...

and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatandsalt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2018
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Did you hear about the homeless man that recently became passionate about politics and ran for office?

He wanted change

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aparks1437
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2018
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What do bacteria do when they involved in politics?

They streptococcus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/saisharan007
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2016
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A life in Politics

is full of parties

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πŸ‘€︎ u/that_6th_string
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2016
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Politics are so corrupt these days...

that you cant even shoot a congressman without hitting a lobbyist

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trimike
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2017
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Politics

I'm in the back seat of my dad's car, as we're driving down a rather busy street of a populated city. My dad taps me on the shoulder and gestures out the window with an air of disgust.

Dad: "I can't believe all the political advertising they have out here."

I look around for quite some time, expecting to spot a house covered with election signs or political party banners. All that I see are a series of pylons with road signs intermittently placed in between them.

The signs say: "Keep left."

My dad snickers with pride and drives off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ModernAztec
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2014
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Gender politics in the Home Depot garden section

So my parents bought a new house, and they are in the process of moving in.

He wants to get some greenery for the front yard, so we're at Home Depot.

He's looking at something, I don't know what, and he makes the comment, "this is almost the exact same thing that we have at the old house, and I love it."

I ask him, "why didn't you like my idea of transplants from the old one to the new house, then?"

Deadpan he replies, "Jay, you know I don't care about a plants sexual orientation or gender."

Seriously, my father, ladies and gentlemen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mister_Jay_Peg
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2016
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The word "politics" is derived from the word 'poly', meaning "many", and the word 'ticks', meaning "blood sucking parasites". (Larry Hardiman)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kosmozoan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2014
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In which my dad keeps up with politics in the US.

Home made pizza night at my parents place. Dad points to a bag of pre-grated mozzarella cheese and says "I hear Trump wants to ban that stuff", "What?", "He says he wants to make America grate again"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BountyHNZ
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2016
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Politics
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mrfreshonyomama
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2013
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Apparently /r/politics has no appreciation for dad jokes imgur.com/dRBzzA0
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πŸ‘€︎ u/facepwned
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2013
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Did you hear about the Turkish rodent who got a job in politics?

He was Burak rat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fairyoathen
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2016
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My old friend's dad's goof on early 80's politics will take your heart hostage.

Once upon a time in the 80’s, the religious supreme ruler of a middle eastern country fled outside military forces seeking to strip him of his power using whatever means necessary. Fearing for his life, he was secretly smuggled into the US where he reluctantly shaved his beard and attempted to blend in.

He successfully went native and got an apartment, and soon realized he needed a job to pay for food and rent. He didn't want to do any sort of manual labor or serve others, as he craved comfortable control. He eventually became a toll booth operator, where he enjoyed sitting in his high chair, making people pay him so that he would grant them passage. Over time he grew bold and began to use his own judgment on what vehicles would pay him for his blessing to cross.

One day, two semi-tractor trailer beverage trucks were in his line, a Pepsi truck in front, and a Coke truck behind. The Pepsi truck pulled up and he said "Pepsi truck, you may pass for free." The Pepsi truck driver happily accepted, and over his CB radio told the Coke truck driver β€œThis guy just let me through for free!”. When the Coke truck pulled up, hoping to also pass for free, the toll booth dictator said "Coke truck, you will pay me 100 of your American dollars."

The Coke truck driver was livid, and said "You let that Pepsi truck pass for free! You want me to pay 100 dollars?! That’s outrageous! I am going to report this! What is your name?!" Our toll booth operator proudly replied "Ayatollah Cokemainly."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AllUpInMyRizznus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2014
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Politics

Poly = many Ticks= blood-suckers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jhmorgan87
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
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