What happens when you mix alcohol and literature?
An alcoholic wakes up in jail and asks the nearest officer why he's there
"For excessive drinking" the officer replies
So the prisoner replies "Great, when do we start?"
Why was the dog an alcoholic?
Because he had a ruff past.
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems
I bought a car that runs on alcohol instead of gas
I bought an alcoholic ginger beer today.
Which alcoholic drink can give you the illusion that you're hurt?
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
Doctor: "Alcoholism is a disease. "
Bartender: "Get your shots here !!"
If alcohol can damage your short term memory
Imagine the damage alcohol can do.
Why did the alcoholic rooster keep running around in circles?
It was chasing after a cocktail.
After a really bad experience with alcohol, I gave up drinking altogether.
Marine iguana's should be as legal as alcohol!
I'm fine with alcohol and weed, but cocaine is where I draw the line !
Working on a home construction project and felt like relaxing with drink. Of course it's unsafe to mix alcohol with power tools.
Which is why I mixed my drink with a spoon instead.
My dad was an alcoholic who wanted to be a lawyer
He could never pass the bar
Some people have an addiction to alcohol, some to drugs.
Mine was to sandpaper. It was wearing me down.
Why are all ghosts considered alcoholics?
Because they take Boos everywhere they go!
Where does a Canadian alcoholic go to get help?
My dad’s answer to everything is alcohol....
He doesn’t drink, it's just that he's really bad at crossword puzzles...
I've been told I'm an alcoholic....
I decided to drink about it.
Why can’t alcoholics become lawyers?
Because they can never just pass a bar.
What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature?
Tequila Mockingbird
My dad told me this a few months ago. And he loves to remind me of it every week. It is his dadiest dad joke. It makes him so happy and that makes me happy. Hope it made some of you smile!
A man tries to teach his son the cons of alcohol.
he gets two worms, puts one in vodka, and one in water. The worm in vodka dies in 20 minutes, while the worm in water survives 3 whole days. the man asks his son, "what did you learn today?" and the son responds "never bathe in alcohol"
My horses have started to make alcohol
On my ochem exam i was asked what IPA (isopropyl alcohol) was used for
Did you hear the alcoholic skydiver is feeling unwell
He's coming down with a cold one
Why did the Mexican alcohol manufacturer chuck his wife off a cliff?
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
What do you call alcoholics anonymous in Canada?
What do alcoholic horses drink?
My doctor said I should drink alcohol in moderation. I don't think I can control my drinking...
... but it's worth a shot!
Why are ghosts alcoholics?
They drink too much booo-ze
What's the difference between a sneaky alcoholic and a clumsy plastic surgeon?
One takes a nip of the tipple, the other takes the tip off a nipple.
What happened to the alcoholic gymnast?
They were prone to rolling blackouts.
Recent studies are examining the effects of replacing birdbath water with alcohol
Its bird-gin-ing research.
Alcoholics don’t run in my family
But sometimes they fall down the stairs.
What do you get when you mix alcohol with pressure in a small space?
If coffee comes from coffee beans, where does alcohol come from?
The government started banning alcoholic drinks, so I'm selling liquor in secret.
If alcohol can damage your short term memory
Just think what alcohol can do!
Doctor: "Alcoholism is a disease. "
Barman: "Get your shots here."
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