Because of all the cut backs.
I think it was Scampoo.
My fiancee and I were eating dinner at IHOP and she made a comment about getting full.
I told her there was no need to stuff herself just because she is pregnant.
She said, No. I think I can finish my plate and I'll be fine."
I responded with, "Sweetheart, I don't recommend eating plates they aren't good for the baby."
Her eyes rolled so hard I thought for sure they'd fall out. Needless to say I can't wait to be a father.
He went on a 'rhoid rage.
... The queen ant had had the ants organized into battalions specialized to collect specific items. So the sugar ants were to collect sugar, jaggery ants jaggery, cereal ants cereals, and so on. However, all were given a strict instruction - nobody was to take even a single pea from humans in any case. Why? The queen didn't want a peas-ant revolution happening.
The tree says, "Wait! I'm a talking tree!"
The man replies, "You're going to dialogue."
Elemphants, cause they are pachyderms.
So I have been back to the charity shop to get all her clothes back!
SUPPLIES!
What a load of crap!
"No Mike, you fly on ahead and I'll catch up later".
"The sink is the most important! It's where you get water for cooking, wash your hands, clean fruits and vegetables, and clean the dishes up afterwards."
But another person said,
"The countertop is even more important. It's where the food is prepared. And if the counter weren't there, you wouldn't have a sink at all!"
The first person was shocked. They weren't expecting a counterargument.
I was ready and wading!
As his apprentice, I once assisted him at an exhibition and managed to lose the cutting implement he uses to prepare the paper for folding. I can’t believe I lost The Rock’s Paper Scissors.
"...put an ‘s’ at the front and an ‘e’ at the end!"
He yells "UNO!"
The crowd falls silent in anticipation.
"DOS!"
Everyone's eyes are wide, laser focused on the preformer.
Then, the magician vanishes... without a tres.
It's the Wurst Käse scenario.
The grape. He was the only one who went raisin.
I have to say it really shucks.
I guess that's hindsight in 2020
Because very rarely is a medium well done.
He slid the loaf into the oven to bake. He told his son, “This bread is for a very special occasion, so I’m going to make a back-up.” He then plopped an extra loaf’s worth of dough onto the table, sliced it into two equal pieces, and immediately put them away. The boy asked, “Dad, why’d you do that?” The baker smiled and told his son, “It’s better to halve it and not knead it.”
I told him to stop and that I would take him to the doctor for a more rofessional job. He told me he wanted to do it as he was working on his first aid merit badge for the boy scouts. So I said, "Suture self."
"Sense us."
Fry-day
Me: Sure...Listen Chicken, There is no easy way for me to say this...
I said, “If Jesus were sitting here, he would say, ‘Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.’”
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, “Ryan, you be Jesus!"
They'll give you an automatic response.
The waiter responds, "Nothing special, sir. We just tell them straight out that they're going to die."
It’s grate
Nothing, he was speechless.
My job really shucks.
Three
They said that they just tell them straight out that you're gonna die.
...he tells the owner and bartender that he’s a surgeon down at the hospital and he just wants to forget about everything for awhile.
Dick knows just the thing. He quickly whips up a thick, exotic beverage and places it in front of the worn out doctor. He takes one sip and his eyes light up. “What IS that?” “That’s my signature almond daiquiri”, Dick tells him. The surgeon tells him it’s delicious, pays his bill and comes back the next day and the next day at the same time for the same thing: An almond daiquiri.
Before long, like clockwork, Dick is able to have it ready for him just before he comes in. But, one day as he is preparing the drink, he realizes that he’s run out of almonds! With no time to lose, he quickly substitutes the almonds with hickory nuts and sets the beverage on the bar.
The surgeon pops in, takes a big gulp, and immediately spits it all over the bar. He looks at the bartender and says, “That’s not an almond daiquiri, Dick!” And Dick says, “No, it’s a hickory daiquiri, Doc!”.
...Unless you are prepared for the Reaper Cushions.
