My kid wanted to talk to ghosts; we found three guys willing to intervene. One was very tall, one was very short and the other was mid-sized.

I chose the 3rd guy as he was the medium.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dwarvenfriend
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Shoplifting is illegal, but that's whisk I'm willing to take
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jvarblow
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
🚨︎ report
The man knew it was wrong to steal from a kitchen. But it was a whisk he was willing to take.
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jjbell08
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Yes, I AM willing to stand in a long line for a free couch...

Sofa Queue.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/balddudesrock
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
🚨︎ report
At job interviews, tell them you're willing to give 110%

Unless the job is a statistician.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/johnnydarko-
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2018
🚨︎ report
I invented a better egg-beater, but I couldn't find any investors willing to take a chance on my product.

They didn't want to be involved in any "whisky business"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JonQueue
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2017
🚨︎ report
I'm willing to bet this pun thread will be a hit here. reddit.com/r/AskReddit/co…
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IWentOutside
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2014
🚨︎ report
When someone makes a bad pun:

I will pun-ish you.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Will glass coffins ever be popular?
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kevjonesin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
The salesman at the furniture store told me, β€œThis sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”

I said, β€œWhere the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm worried that the supreme court will lack empathy now that Ginsburg is gone.

Without her they're ruthless.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dudefaceguy_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
You're damn right it will
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/giftsamuel_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Will glass coffins ever become popular?

Remains to be seen

πŸ‘︎ 369
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Deadly_R
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
If a woman says she'll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be.

No need to remind her every half hour.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BusyPooping
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
If a father in Iraq gifts his daughter a new bag, what will she say?

Thanks for the Baghdad!

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Alpha_Supreme
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I gots two words that will leave you all scratching your heads.

Head lice.

πŸ‘︎ 205
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gbredman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Three things Christ promises he will never do: Won't leave you broken-hearted (Psalm 147:3), won't reject you (John 6:37), and won't leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).

In essence, Jesus is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BillyBob_TX
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Prediction: There will be a minor Baby Boom in 9 months, and then one day in 2033 we will witness the rise of

The Quaranteens

πŸ‘︎ 27k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tecniklee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
9 months from now, there will be a baby boom. 13 years later, will give rise to the next generation, known as....

Quaranteens.

πŸ‘︎ 604
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Biden will NEVER, EVER be my president

because I live in Canada.

πŸ‘︎ 164
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/I-Only-Lurk-SRD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife said "will you stop pretending to be a flamingo"

Sorry, but I had to put my foot down with that one.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Taff-Price
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
What's green and will kill you if it falls out of a tree

A pool table.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buckarooBanzii
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Son: Dad, will invisible airplanes ever be a thing?

Dad: I just can't see them taking off.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AviationChic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
To the person who stole my spectacles. I will find you.

I have contacts.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OliPark
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Where there’s a will
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kelly240361
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Murphy's Law states anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Have you heard of Cole's Law?

It's shredded cabbage

πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/loloPogi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
2022 will be as bad as 2020

Because it's 2020 too

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moe87b
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will pick on him because of his name. I reassured him, "Don't be silly!"

"Why would anyone pick on you, Someoneyourownsize!?"

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Everyone seems to think next year will bring back some comforts of normalcy

I’m not so convinced though since 2021 is guaranteed to be an odd year

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/medimanager
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
And just like that, 2020 won. Better start trainimg for the rematch in 12 months...it will be 2020 two.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/squarepeg101
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
**Genie: I will grant you 2 wishes** **Me: I want to be rich.** **Genie: Okay granted, second wish?** **Rich: I'd like loads of money.**

Taken from fb

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/XDG-Diggz74
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
This is where getting high everyday will land you.
πŸ‘︎ 170
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/linknt01
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Person 1: β€œWill you follow me?”

Person 2: β€œNo I’m gonna follow sleep.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PenguinMan3188
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
A seal goes into a bar and the bartender asked him,"What will it be Mr seal?"

The seal responds,"anything but a Canadian Club"

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
We will, we will rock you!
πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wanjirahope
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What will happen if your kid comes out as a trans?

You become transparent

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/awkward_guy92
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I just finished Grosse Pointe Blank and now I’m putting on Good Will Hunting.

It’s a Minnie marathon.

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
When he found out I was sick, my friend messaged me, hoping that I will quickly find a deep hole in a ground full of water.

I'm happy he wished me to get well soon.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sodrohu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I just downloaded the new app which will evaluate you bank account and tell you which Apple product you can afford. Turns out I can afford,

Apple juice

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lisajean1234
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I cant see why I am posting this, no one else will see this post
πŸ‘︎ 210
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DawnofX
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
After midnight, hindsight really will be

2020

Happy new years!!!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ally_Cat69
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
In 30 min, the Christmas Island and Samoa will welcome the new year.

For them, hindsight is 2020

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my suitcases just now there will be no holiday this year.

I'm now dealing with emotional baggage.

πŸ‘︎ 509
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Will the Coronavirus shot come with a wedge of lime?
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nick_vandernick
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Technicaly he will.
πŸ‘︎ 113
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/THEGM123
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I heard Mike Tyson will be launching a Christian dedicated social media site.

He's calling it "Faithbook".

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chickengun
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Lazy Christmas morning, my wife is looking at the weather, says there will be periods of rain today.

I say, Damn! Do they make a pad for that? Without a pause, she says: Depends

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/flylink63
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
The salesman at the furniture store told me, β€œThis sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”

I said, β€œWhere the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”

πŸ‘︎ 632
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
what do you call a tree that will never give you up, never let you down, never gonna run around and desert you?

rick ash-tree

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/imboredwithlyf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
One day the Canadians will take over the world....

Then you'll all be sorry.

πŸ‘︎ 120
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFoShow
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Will glass coffins become popular?

Remains to be seen.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/King_Arthur24
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
If you cut off your left hand, your right hand will be left.
πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/araitisaname
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.