A last will and testament is...

A dead giveaway.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10
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Did you know that one of the saints from the New Testament had a pet dinosaur?

People started calling him Jurassic Mark.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mkaic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2018
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My Old Testament Professor on Bildad the Shuhite

> You know, actually he was the shortest man on record in the Bible.

Shuhite

Shuheight

Shoe-Height

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yunotxgirl
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2013
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Saviour.
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thot0fTheDay
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
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I just read a long scholarly article that compares the different versions of the Bible.

Turns out there is a lot of Cross referencing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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I only believe in 12.5% of the Bible.

I guess that makes me an eighth-theist.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kikasphalt
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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I was having an argument with my wife about who should brew the coffee each morning. She said, β€œYOU should do it because YOU get up first and then we won't have to wait as long to get our coffee.”

I went full sexist pig, β€œYOU'RE in charge of cooking around here woman and YOU should do it, because it's YOUR job and I can just wait for my coffee.”

She replied coldly, β€œNo, YOU should do it and besides, it's in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.”

I guffawed, β€œI can’t believe that, show me!”

So she fetched the Bible and opened to the New Testament and showed me the top of several pages, that it indeed says, β€œHEBREWS!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2018
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A Jehovah's Witness knocks on a Jew's door...

Jew: "Can I help you?"

Witness: "Hello sir, I'm here to tell you about the great Lord Jehovah!"

Jew: "Is that what you call him? You know, we have a name for him too..."

Witness: "No way?!"

Jew: "Yahweh."

πŸ‘︎ 645
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smarvin6689
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2016
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You know where the Torah mentions baseball?

In the big inning...

Thanks dad!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ASD_Project
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2015
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The Pundits - Part 1

A quaint little men's class,

a few with class,

some smelling of a gin glass,

some with eyes of a lass,

the remainder eyeing a lad,

but all glad,

and all present,

youngster of the present,

bearders of the crescent,

readers new testaments,

preachers of old testaments,

bearers of saffron tenets,

wearers of white tints,

weird lovers of croissant,

well, all here, will all hear?

we never know,

lets look at the show

 

The English teacher, said,

"how to drink a juice?"

i know, said bart the bartender,

"with vodka and chicken tender"

the weirded beardo now angry,

showed he was a shouter,

wanted to be a bart-ender,

while shushing the crowd,

use a pipe, piped up a voice, loud,

"huh" exclaimed preacher pastor,

"no smoking" he said, showing a guilty fluster ,

"no sir" said the voice,

I'm extra maker,

spoke the voice quicker,

Mr.White scratching head,

"I'm an ex-straw maker",

the air cleared.

 

Proceeding further, Teacher continued,

the class was listening, eyes glued,

"etiquette is important" he said,

"wear napkin before eating",

their faces changed,

pulse now beating,

Mr.White said, "sir, we don't bleed",

an irritated saffron Sundar spoke,

"if you bleed, education you don't need"

the English sir, now a sundered bloke,

calmed the masked fish market,

as his God's fate chisel hammered,

"Do you know how to fork?" he stammered,

a brief silence, and too many whispers later

"I Pen is use sir", said a bright face,

"Do you know how to use a fork?" he corrected,

with damage now done, Silence resumed.

 

>ThePundits

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πŸ‘€︎ u/themadraspaiyan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2018
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Dad joked a guy passing out bibles this weekend...

Walked by one of those guys who's preaching on the street side and passing out bibles to anyone he can.

.

Bible-Dude: Hello sir, would you like a New Testament?

Me: Oh, no thank you, I have an old one at home that works just fine.

.

My wife groaned in appreciation, but Bible-Dude didn't see the humor in it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justgrant2009
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2015
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My Dad dropped what might be the most obscure joke I've heard

Basically we somehow got on the topic of hipsters and irony. My Dad wanted to make a sort of pun to annoy my sister, because she hates puns.

Now I figure most people would make some sort of reference to an iron "e", and that would be it. But oh no, that's far too simple for him. He says something along the lines of,

"If they're ironic (or defined by irony), doesn't that make them Pharisees?"

So you've got to know that "Ferrous" refers to iron, and then to have some basic knowledge of the New Testament or at least have heard of the Pharisees before. This kind of works on another level because the Pharisees were accused of saying one thing and doing another, which could be said to be ironic to some degree. Of course I've just killed the frog at this point, but I mean if you're ever around some Chemists who have some knowledge of the bible, you might get a slight chuckle, or perhaps even a nod. I'm not really even sure if this qualifies as a Dad joke, but there ya go.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Raptor-Llama
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2013
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