Help with puns on biblical figures

I'm performing a comedy and I have an improv bit where I call someone a goofy name. It needs to be a pun on something in Judeo-Christian cannon, bonus points if it's about the angel michael. I.e. Michael Sword-an or Joan of Snark... something like that. Yall got suggestions???

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tesla_pasta
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Stop giving children biblical names without Bible lessons

Yesterday I was robbed by Moses

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
A popular Biblical figure just built a border

Noah fence

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ToxianLeader
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a biblical character in Fast and Furious?

Adam Driver

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MtxJosh
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My kid has a toy set of different biblical characters, but one started talking and now it condescendingly corrects me all the time...

...what a little Noah doll.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you call a biblical cat?

Jermeow

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SY7777
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know the biblical apostles carpooled around in a Honda?

The Bible says they were of one Accord.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JasonTie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Little known biblical fact...

Cain didn’t kill his brother Abel until after he had killed their other two brothers, Edward and William Nigel. To be fair, they practically volunteered to be killed; after all, they were Eddy, Will N., and Abel.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Got my sister-in-law in biblical fashion

My sister-in-law posted on her Facebooks, β€œWhat time does church start on Christmas Eve? Is is 5 or 530? I can never remember.”

I responded,”it sounds like you are suffering from Mass confusion.”

Not sure if she made it in time.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Theeclat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2017
🚨︎ report
Back in Biblical times, after Naomi's daughter in law died...

...things were quite Ruthless!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Reporter gets biblical with headline. stuff.co.nz/sport/rugby/a…
πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/call_of_the_while
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2016
🚨︎ report
I heard that public toilets are biblical

As soon as you step inside, there's 1st, 2nd, and 3rd john right there.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gunnrhildr
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2017
🚨︎ report
One of my friends in Colorado posted about the rain causing floods "of biblical proportion" and this picture was the first response.
πŸ‘︎ 101
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ILikeLampz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2013
🚨︎ report
You do realize that it's biblically correct for a man to make the coffee. Haven't you ever read the book,

Hebrews

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mastiff_Speed
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
"Do you know what?"

My kids have gotten to saying this a bunch, so now I reply like a dad...

"Oh ya! We went to the same New Year's party once."

"Sure! He makes the best crab dip."

"Big beard? Lousy tipper?"

"The tattoo guy?"

"Biblically."

"Gave him a 5-star Uber review."

"He was the best man at my wedding."

"I think I owe him $20."

"The bouncer at the club!? How do YOU know him?"

"Doesn't he work at the bakery next to PetSmart?"

"I heard he once punched a cop and broke his nose!"

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/uncorked119
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
How does Moses make coffee?

He brews it.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fistweavedyourmom
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2015
🚨︎ report
John the Baptist

John the Baptist of Biblical fame used to walk through the desert in his bare feet. This left his feet tough, which is understandable- the hot sand and rough terrain would leave anyone's feet tough. He was known to receive signs from God and occasionally perform mystical feats. He subsisted on a diet of locusts and honey. Without access to dental hygiene at the time, this left him with somewhat bad breath. It also left him frail, as the diet wasn't varied and would have required an immense intake of food to be remotely sustained.

I guess that you could say that he was a super-callused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/edpeters1
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
🚨︎ report
You're just a biblical figure on a gate!

Noah fence.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Davester123
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2015
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.