You do realize that it's biblically correct for a man to make the coffee. Haven't you ever read the book,

Hebrews

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mastiff_Speed
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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An article about how a christian terrorist who mowed down a family of muslims laughed as he got out of the truck sets off issues over supposed lack of coverage and whether or not he was a 'christian' terrorist.

ARTICLE

POST

CONTROVERSIAL

I

Funny how this isnt getting much attention, if it was the other way around you can be sure right wing shits would be going insane

People really didn't liked your comment well that was expected of the right wing supporters.

You don't think it has anything to do with the fact that his claim is a complete lie?

This story has been, and continues to be, huge.

II

There's absolutely nothing in this story to indicate this crime was motivated by his Christianity. If you search other publisher you won't find any other headlines with this click bait title or the word 'Christian'. The dude jus hated Muslims.

Christianity is a religion of hate nevertheless.

As if Islam isn't up to it's neck in hate?

A

We’re talking about Christianity.

There's just no evidence in this story that the suspect was motivated by his religion. It's only in the title.

>He’s Christian and has a great relationship with God ... He was always pretty calm towards other people,” added the unnamed friend.

It’s in the article you didn’t read.

His friend/family said that about him. That is not evidence of motivation. Muslims scream Allah Akbar and make claims of their motivation. They make it clear why they're doing it. This just looks like hatred toward Muslims.

I read the article.

My mother would say the same about me. She has no idea I'm an atheist. That's not evidence.

[B](https://www.reddit.com/r/worldnews/comments/ny33hu/christian_terrorist_who_mowed_down_muslim_family/h1if687?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Marvelguy5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2021
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They finally released a modern article about weed

https://www.jw.borg/en/bible-teachings/questions/smoking-sin/

You know the drill, take out the b on the link.

This article was clearly poorly researched, but I'll be mostly concentrating on the weed aspect cause there could be loose arguments made about smoking tobacco both in favor and against, from their doctrinal standpoint. However, the weed part of the article has many things that I found to be either poorly researched or looked up a random source that reinforced their bias. For example, we start with the article saying (in the weed subheading): "The Bible does not mention marijuana (also known as weed or pot) or similar drugs by name." <-- you have to define what 'similar drugs' are don't you? Because it's describing alcohol and coffee (which I'll get to in a minute). It goes on to say: "But it contains principles that rule out the recreational use of such addictive substances." <-- Which if it was well researched, weed is not addictive is it? In RARE cases some people could develop a dependency on weed, but it's very rare especially compared to alcohol and coffee, which is not only highly addictive, they're also arguably detrimental to health (in the case of coffee, I know plenty of people who get anxiety or panic attacks from the caffeine kick, as well as one person who can't due to a heart condition).

"A person cannot fully control his mind when abusing drugs, and many people even become addicted to them. Their minds focus on obtaining and using drugs rather than on upbuilding thoughts.​" <-- what drugs? Are we talking about opioids here or just weed? Because it's first of all not addictive, and second of all I am 100% in control of my thoughts and actions while on weed, and I know all you other stoners out there can testify the same. In fact, I'm in much more control over my thoughts while on weed because my depression, anxiety, OCD, and ADD lead my thoughts to a dark place and they're calmed down and drowned out when I'm high. Which means I can work, and I can most certainly give talks (I am high as a kite whenever I have to give a talk). And also my mind is focused on getting weed as much as I focus on food and beverages. "oh I'm running out time to hit the dispensary on my way to the grocery store", is the usual scenario. What planet are these writers from?

The bias is blatant and they cite zero sources for either smoking or smoking weed. Like I said, smoking cigarettes can have a valid argument against it, but who's died or

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cilantroaddict
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2021
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Just grandiosely shut down Gma the Grinch (JNPaternalGMa)... waiting on my cool drink & maybe an ER ride for her.

If you perhaps have followed me before, you may recognize my JNFIL posts. My father is a near-extreme JN(Narc)Dad aka Narcissus. To clarify, Grinch (check post history) is his mommy. We're living in a patriarchal country in Balkans, with her. Me being a rebel against the sexist, misogynistic, abusive behaviors and turning towards equality/equity/pushing for feminism & being open-minded nearly fully is going to be pending cause of death of my father and his beloved mother.

Content warning - while I will not describe any abuse, I will use the word "abuse" itself below. Just figured out to say it in advance.

I (21F) just came home, went downstairs where Grinch (80-somethingF) lives and I had to ask her something about her doc since I'll have to use that doc's services. Another older neighbour (50sF) sat downstairs with her, she's one of the entire kin over 50 knowing everybody's business without leaving the house. That in Balkans is like a local bookclub for Americans. A hobby, a lifestyle. Synonym for air and water too.

We start talking. I mention I was incredibly lucky to have a connection in the rehab center where I'm heading for testings for my hand. That connection was my neighbor (F). Well, former one. Her sons and I were a couple years apart, grew up together and were always playing outside in somebody's yard or house. Our parents basically accepted the other kid as their own. And as much they treated us like this, we knew about all parents more than we should. And by that, I mean we heard and witnessed screaming matches, arguing, mainly displays of verbal and emotional abuse (assassination of character, to be precise).

My Grinch goes into a lengthy ass tirade. How the now-ex-neighbour left her husband for a new lover. Imagine. A grown ass woman decided to leave her abusive husband and not allow her kids to witness such a toxic and volatile relationship anymore, thinking that's a normal way to treat their partners one day. And Grinch says the sole reason of a woman leaving is her cheating. The neighbour never cheated and still doesn't have anyone else. Not that it matters, but she's recovering from what she been through and is looking after herself and the kids now. Grinch, again, going against my reply what has really happened (i mean i witnessed that as a kid), goes off to say another local drunk with no life of his own (except any hard liquor, beer is the new air) told her that's how it went down.

So in a split of second I fe

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timebomb969
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2021
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What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a hole?

Phil

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rumblebully
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2021
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DAD JOKES ARE NOT DIRTY.

Go post NSFW jokes somewhere else. If I can't tell my kids this joke, then it is not a DAD JOKE.

If you feel it's appropriate to share NSFW jokes with your kids, that's on you. But a real, true dad joke should work for anyone's kid.

Mods... If you exist... Please, stop this madness. Rule #6 should simply not allow NSFW or (wtf) NSFL tags. Also, remember that MINORS browse this subreddit too? Why put that in rule #6, then allow NSFW???

Please consider changing rule #6. I love this sub, but the recent influx of NSFW tagged posts that get all the upvotes, just seem wrong when there are good solid DAD jokes being overlooked because of them.

Thank you,

A Dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Von_Bostaph
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2021
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Did you know Bruce Lee has a faster older brother?

Sudden Lee

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2021
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Hey everyone! Just wanted to say thank you so much for getting my "The cost of: Avatar The Last Airbender" post to GTLive where Matt would see it. Truly means the world. As thanks: here is a sneak peek at my new challenge: Cataloguing every clue in every episode of Peppa Pig. Real proud o this one.

My own theory of what happens in Season 1 of Peppa Pig is contained at the bottom of this post :) Honestly think I hit the nail on the head. Seasons 2-7 coming at the end of this month.

Sorry for the delay by the way from my last post, I recently had to get a full-time job at Startbucks so this has been 100% in my free time. Hope you enjoy :)

Muddy puddles:

Peppa and George jump into puddles but must wear their boots.

Peppa stops George from jumping into the really big puddle to make sure it is safe first.He accidentally splashes George in the process. Sacrificing another’s happiness for his own self-satisfaction.

He then gaslights his own wrong doing by telling his brother that it is β€œOnly Mud”.

They walk back into the house (Now Muddy) and they tell their dad that they have been playing in muddy puddles. Their dad insists that they wash up so that when mummy gets back: β€œWe can all play in muddy puddles”.

They make note of saying how everyone made sure to always wear their rain boots when going down to jump in muddy puddles. They then all start jumping together until daddy pig falls down. Peppa, mom, and George all start laughing about how β€œDaddy fell down”, and they then proceed to do the same.

Stand-outs:

This all comes off very brainwashed. With the script giving clear directions of right v.s. Wrong to not just the pigs, but the audience too.

Peppa not feeling remorseful when getting George dirty.

Specifically mentioning that the mud is β€œOnly Mud”

Gardening

Grandpa is planting seeds. Is a gardener.

Grandpa eats the apple that hit him on the head.

Explains that the seeds in one apple make many more seeds.

He hands a seed to Peppa, they plant it. Grandpa offers to water it for Peppa, but she insists on doing it.

Peppa is impatient and complains about the seed not growing yet.

The family drives away. Grandpa keeps watering the strawberry plant seed.

Peppa/George return the day that the strawberries have sprouted. Letting Grandpa do all the hard work. George is still playing with a green dinosaur.

George rejects Peppa’s attempted manipulation into growing a carrot. He instead plants his dinosaur and gleefully exclaims that he wants to plant a dinosaur tree! Except when he does his entire family rolls around on the ground laughing at him. Right in front of his face.

Stand-outs:

This is two episodes in a row that George gets negatively effected and dismissed by his family.

Not Very Well

Brown bear doctor. Only othe

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JHWeston
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2021
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I'd ruther not say
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Un_FaZed211
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2021
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Rational
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mainhoonmadrasi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2021
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My wife blocked me on Facebook because I post too many bird puns.

Well, toucan play at that game.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zayan-ali
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2021
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There are only two white people in the movie Black Panther

Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.

They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.

I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jzagri
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2021
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My 3 yr old daughter made her first pun today and I almost cried. She was eating an apple and I asked her if she liked apples.

She said apple-lutely

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2021
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What did the left eye say to the right eye when they got married?

'Eye-do'

This is my first post pls don't kill me lol.

The people in the comment section is why I love this subreddit!!

Cred once again my sis wants credit lol

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tieyz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2021
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Proud dad moment.

Keep in mind, my son is 4 years old, so everything is an original to him.

I had to work late into the evening yesterday, and he was just going to bed when I got home. I had left home for the office nearly 14 hours prior, had a long day, lots of meetings, traffic, etc.

When I walked through the door, I was exhausted, run down, and starving. My wife hugged me and asked how my day was, and I replied, "Done. It was a good day, but has got me exhausted. I just want to grab a bite and go to bed. I'm hungry."

From my son's bedroom, I hear him shout, "Hi Hungry! Nice to meet you!"

Not only did it make me laugh, but I completely forgot about how hungry and tired I was. I went to his bedroom, and we laughed together about it. It was exactly what I needed.

Edit: Thanks for all the awards, kind strangers! I'll let my son know y'all enjoyed his joke too!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaBarbaGuapa
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2021
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What was a very common name in the middle ages?

I heard parents named their children lance a lot.

First post please don't kill me

Edit: i went to sleep and now my inbox is dead, thank you kind strangers for the awards!

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2021
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Apologies if it's a bit corn-y
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mediashiznaks
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2021
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Gottemm
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Un_FaZed211
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2021
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What pan is the best to make sushi in?

Japan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Most-Stomach4240
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2021
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so many choices
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SailorNebula
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2021
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[5647] Pork-Eating Vegetarians, v5

A priest visits a prison to offer a death-row prisoner his last rites. Pork hits the fan.

  • The story is partly me exploring the theological problem of evil, partly me reflecting on some of Kierkegaard's writing.
  • While I think it stands on its own, this is actually character study for two minor characters in a trilogy I'm doing my best not to write.

Feedback desired (Edited):

  1. Kirk's confession is a lot of dialogue. I want to weave in some action beats to break it up / characterize Peter, but I'm stuck. Any suggestions? I'm most comfortable writing dialogue, and I'm afraid that I'll break the flow of Peter's confession, which IMO is the strongest part of the story.
  2. I love line edits. Please go ham, and even though the sub asks you not to, I'd be very happy if you split your attention equally between my prose and my story.

Changes I'll make:

  1. I will cut the first page. I added it because previous feedback pointed out that Peter is basically a stand-in for the reader. This was my attempt to get around that. I think it helps, but it doesn't solve the original problem - Peter doesn't really respond to anything he hears.
  2. I will change the ending. Originally Peter was a guard; I turned him into a priest, on a whim, to give him a more realistic pretext for being in the cell. I like this change, but when I made him a priest, I had several ideas about what else I could do to the story, and one that I ran with was the connection *cough* between Peter and Kirk. I think that this ending would work with better foreshadowing... but since everyone (here, and of previous versions) likes the story until the ending, I'm going to cut my losses and opt for a simpler, more in-style ending. I really want to invoke Hebrews 12:18 and end the story with a Biblical hulksmash, but I guess I'll hold off until I'm a better writer. This can just be a fun genre piece.

Story: Pork-Eating Vegetarians

Trigger warning: While I skip over the details, the story discusses some pretty gruesome/heavy-hitting themes. >!Cannibalism, self-mutilation and rape!<

Reviews: (my story is long, so I overshot the word count by a bit)

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuikaCider
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
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If the Ahmadiyya Movement is false why is it still growing?

This post will analyze the Persistence, Progress, and Persecution of the Ahmadiyya Movement and debunks the arguments relating to it. I think this argument is a very convincing one to the average Ahmadi-Muslim, the fact they are 'progressing' strengthens the faith of many within the movement. They see this as a sign of God.

Let us see if this is really a miracle/sign of god or not.

See Nuzhat Haneef's book starting from page 367 she answers:

β€’ If the Ahmadiyya Movement is false, why does it still exist? Why don’t its members recognize its falsehood and leave? How could so many people be befooled for so long?

β€’ Not only does the Ahmadiyya Movement still exist, it has been making progress. If it is false, why is it making progress?

β€’ The Ahmadiyya Movement is persecuted by other Muslims. Is that not a sign of its truth since only the true are persecuted?

If the Ahmadiyya Movement is false, why does it still exist? Why don’t its members recognize its falsehood and leave?

Factors Working Against Leaving:

There are several factors that work against an Ahmadee recognizing the Movement’s falsehood and deciding to leave . Here I am focusing on discussing the case of people born or raised in an Ahmadee family. However, much of the discussion applies to recent converts.

  1. The general tendency of people to follow their parents’ religion or, at least, remain associated with it. Most people in the world, particularly in non-Western cultures and economically backward countries with low literacy, remain in the religion of their parents (or whoever raised them); Ahmadees are no exception. People generally tend to believe what they are taught in childhood or adolescence in terms of religious faith. The average person usually does not make any special, independent effort to determine whether or not the religion in which he/she was raised is correct. Even in the Western culture, where independent thinking and freedom of speech is generally respected, and literacy is high, the percentage of people who leave the religion of their childhood is probably lower than 25%. A significant case in point is the persistence Pauline Christianity. Paul taught the doctrine of Trinity and claimed that he was an apostle. Not only do Muslims consider this a corruption of Jesus’ teaching but so do many non-Muslim Biblical scholars. And yet hundreds of mill
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Al_Shahmir
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2021
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He knows too much
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Potato_salad123
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2021
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Well that didn't cross my mind
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JasonPetreasCoach
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2021
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where do pirates get their hooks?

second hand stores!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigus-_-dickus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2021
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I've just deleted all the German names off my pre owned iPhone..

it's Hans free now..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2021
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I've spent all morning trying to think of a quality pun, just to come up with THIS otter rubbish.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesome_smokey
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2021
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It’s like the more you playing, the more your level is harder: Recap of 90DF S06E05

Remember that time you got a haircut at a walk-in salon, and despite an agreement that hair would remain long, you walk out looking like mom put a bowl on your head and got to cutting? Imagine that, but with a body part that doesn’t grow back. Jennifer Grey with her nose lopped off, thanks to a surgeon going Dr. Frankenstein and opting to remake her instead of following instructions, and when the anesthesia wears off, she doesn’t recognize herself. This is what happened to Angela.

Angela is being ordered to open her orbs so Dr. Obeng can start telling her that everything is fine. All this unplanned oxygen has her lungs angry and wondering where her chest anchors went, and Dr. Obeng is eager to get her out of there before she’s awake enough to notice he fucked up. For now he’s safe, because Angela has astral projected into the roped-off smoking playpen arranged ten feet from the entrance, and she’s gonna remain there for the rest of this episode.

A nurse inquires about whether she’s in any pain, and the β€œpain scale” question makes more sense, because her stomach and tits have been transformed into coin purses, so yes, she’s in fucking pain. No one seems concerned that Angela’s escape from anesthesia is so prolonged. Meanwhile, Dr. Obeng psyches himself up in the bathroom mirror and promises himself he doesn’t look terrified, before heading out to lie to JoJo.

β€œShe’ll still be a double d,” the doctor Obengs, thinking he should probably see if he can get his deposit back for that in-ground pool. β€œWhy are you quacking at me?”

β€œNow now, size depends on who is fitting your bras!” A woman with a Czech accent and a tape measure emerges like a genie rubbed out of a lamp.β€œNow, bend over and sway them, do what I’m doing, do what I’m doing. Now I will lasso them with this tape measure. Angela’s former size? LMNOP. So clearly now she is a DD. At Victoria’s Secret? Everyone is a C. If you reject underwire, we will spritz you with perfume.”

β€œRight,” Dr. Obeng is all aboard. β€œDDDD, at least.”

Inability to ascertain size shall henceforth be known as an Obeng.

They take a slow, miserable ride back to the hotel, with JoJo promising Angela they’re almost there every few seconds. Have I mentioned JoJo is MVP Ultimate Super Friend? This carries into the next day, when JoJo has get-well balloons for Angela, and orders some liquid food to sustain her.

Angela wakes up in utter misery, still groggy from anesthesia. She reports feeling flat as a board, but Dr. Obeng is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fractalfay
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2021
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3.14159265387279 snek
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2021
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Rock bottom
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Theo19555
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2021
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How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced?

A buck-an-ear!

I Thank ye kind Matey for the booty! I be truly overwhelmed! Thank you!

Holy cow! Thank you everyone for the upvotes and awards! I wasn’t expecting this!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/motherduck5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2021
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My Son Ate a Bunch of Scrabble Tiles. My Wife is Scared but I'm not...

He should have a good vowel movement. His next diaper change could spell disaster though.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hypeaze
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2021
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I never really understood why it was spelled: camouflage

and not:

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2021
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Chinese takeout: $11.77. Price of gas to get there: $3.00

Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers:

Riceless

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2021
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Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face"

That was the punchline

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2021
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I threw up in the toilet
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2021
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1140 Recap:My own private Idaho

He is now naming streams after he is done because he always wanders off topic

3:40 Beartaria talk/Tells Ames to get him some coffee/Bitcoin is trauma based mind control/He hopes everyone loses money on it/If you hold on to currency the next generation dies

9:00 Owen is into silver/Elon talk/Owen explains bitcoin/All bitcoin traders he knows are losing their minds/This is about controlling mens behavior

17:00 Bitcoin will continue to collapse/ Elon is completely nuts/Owen has had a hard road earning all this money, don’t β€œmuth be nithe” him!

22:00 People like Owen because he is grounded in the real world/IG recap/Superchats

27:09 He starts whispering that the whole problem is porn (His kids are nearby)/Talks about incest porn/Sin is what makes people sick

32:00 Charlie says β€œegg” He says a few more words/Owen displays his eggs, calls them butcoin/Owen has been vegan for a month/ Owen got fat because his body is β€œreleasing toxins”/Pot makes you gay/Letters

38:30 Patreon talk/Claims they won everything/Patron has slandered Owen

43:00 Starts talking in a detailed way about gay men culture and AZT/ The shame about the gay orgies was what made them sick

52:00 Still talking about AIDS and gays/Letters/Gays come from bad fathers/J talk/Encourages bears not to hate the Jays

1:05:30 Bears are not obligated to help gammas who have turned on Owen/We will experience revelation in our lifetime/Plays leprechaun clip

1:25:40 Codd is going to drive to Idaho, his schedule will be sporadic next week/More packages/He starts blowing into a tube that also plays piano?A pianomonica?/Owen is more than happy to blow, plays Africa/Plays hava nagila while his cow urinates loudly

1:29:39 He is now playing for the cow/He calls Walter over to listen and play/Says he is done for today

1:31:30 He was a little aggressive in the chat yesterday/He does not understand sarcasm/No one should confront Owen, but its not cucking/You are playing with fire if you flex on him/He does not know your intention online so be mindful of it

1:33:45 Charlie plays the pianmonica/ Superchats/Bitcoin is backed by nothing/Gold and Silver are the most Godly and biblical currencies/Flat earth talk

1:41:30 Owens eyeballs look like earth/Fractal realities/Owen is a globe skeptic/Science is a fraud

1:50:00 Shows more IG memz/Says he needs to wind down/Owen tested off the charts on all his science tests/Owen likes experiments

1:56:45 Owens comedy was a public service to the world/Superchats/The bea

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/old_clappy
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2021
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Hot
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlexxFruit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2021
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Saw this on insta @PunHubOnline
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Haidi7
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2021
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My Mexican friend takes anti-anxiety medication

It’s for Hispanic attacks

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πŸ‘€︎ u/monolocomotive
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2021
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Had a good chuckle
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LittleBigOwl
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2021
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At what point does it stop being grave robbing and start being archaeology?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Unholy_Jer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2021
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So my dad just died because he needed blood and we didn’t know his blood type.

He was so brave and even tried to encourage us, the family around him, with his last breaths. He kept whispering to us to Be Positive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BritishTeeth11
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2021
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If Apple made a car what would it be missing?

Windows

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Moplex1234
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2021
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My 6 year old wanted me to share his joke with you all. What is a horses favorite store?

Old Neeeeiiiiighvy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WantedDadorAlive
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2021
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Did you know 10+10 and 11+11 are the same?

10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2021
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It’s like the more you playing, the more your level is harder: Recap of 90DF HEA S06E05

Remember that time you got a haircut at a walk-in salon, and despite an agreement that hair would remain long, you walk out looking like mom put a bowl on your head and got to cutting? Imagine that, but with a body part that doesn’t grow back. Jennifer Grey with her nose lopped off, thanks to a surgeon going Dr. Frankenstein and opting to remake her instead of following instructions, and when the anesthesia wears off, she doesn’t recognize herself. This is what happened to Angela.

Angela is being ordered to open her orbs so Dr. Obeng can start telling her that everything is fine. All this unplanned oxygen has her lungs angry and wondering where her chest anchors went, and Dr. Obeng is eager to get her out of there before she’s awake enough to notice he fucked up. For now he’s safe, because Angela has astral projected into the roped-off smoking playpen arranged ten feet from the entrance, and she’s gonna remain there for the rest of this episode.

A nurse inquires about whether she’s in any pain, and the β€œpain scale” question makes more sense, because her stomach and tits have been transformed into coin purses, so yes, she’s in fucking pain. No one seems concerned that Angela’s escape from anesthesia is so prolonged. Meanwhile, Dr. Obeng psyches himself up in the bathroom mirror and promises himself he doesn’t look terrified, before heading out to lie to JoJo.

β€œShe’ll still be a double d,” the doctor Obengs, thinking he should probably see if he can get his deposit back for that in-ground pool. β€œWhy are you quacking at me?”

β€œNow now, size depends on who is fitting your bras!” A woman with a Czech accent and a tape measure emerges like a genie rubbed out of a lamp.β€œNow, bend over and sway them, do what I’m doing, do what I’m doing. Now I will lasso them with this tape measure. Angela’s former size? LMNOP. So clearly now she is a DD. At Victoria’s Secret? Everyone is a C. If you reject underwire, we will spritz you with perfume.”

β€œRight,” Dr. Obeng is all aboard. β€œDDDD, at least.”

Inability to ascertain size shall henceforth be known as an Obeng.

They take a slow, miserable ride back to the hotel, with JoJo promising Angela they’re almost there every few seconds. Have I mentioned JoJo is MVP Ultimate Super Friend? This carries into the next day, when JoJo has get-well balloons for Angela, and orders some liquid food to sustain her.

Angela wakes up in utter misery, still groggy from anesthesia. She reports feeling flat as a board, but Dr. Obeng is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fractalfay
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2021
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Today on a walk my son was asking about a bunch of plants and stuff, he pointed to one and I said it was a fungi.

Without missing a beat he asks "Daddy, do you know how much room you need to grow Fungi like that?"

I did not know.

So he tells me "as Mushroom as possible!"

So proud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smoffatt34920
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2021
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What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2021
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