No one will listen to White Snake with me
SO here I go again on my own
It's pretty obvious, that if you run in front of a moving car, you will get tired. But if you run behind it..
..do you just get exhausted ?
How do you find Will Smith in a snow storm?
You look for fresh prints
Rick Astley will let you borrow any DVD from his Pixar collection, except from one
He’s never gonna give you Up
I have a theory that yeast will one day rule the world
Will glass coffins ever be popular?
I have a hunch you will like this joke
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.
Will glass coffins ever be popular?
Only 90' kids will remember this
I’m driving through England, and will be staying in Greenwich tomorrow.
Not sure what to do in the Mean Time.
Fudgemint Day will be here soon enough
I told my suit cases just how There will be no holiday this year
I'm now dealing with emotional baggage
sausage bread will always be by your side
The fly fishing tournament will not have spectators this year.
But it will be LIVE STREAMED.
What will you call it if an immigrant starts arguing with a priest?
A last will and testament is...
Brain transplants will never work
The salesman at the furniture store told me, “This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”
I said, “Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
I will never name my child Vince
I saw a blind man who said, "One day I will see it all."
Then he sat down with his hammer and saw.
This support group will help you recharge
My underprivileged friend will only listen to the b side of his records.
It’s like he lives on the other side of the tracks.
I'm worried that the supreme court will lack empathy now that Ginsburg is gone.
Without her they're ruthless.
Warning: Do not buy tickets for the Eskimo lottery - they will sell you the ticket but they only pay out to native Eskimos.
You've got to be Inuit to win it
Wife: Suppose you hit a jackpot of a Million dollars in a lottery and the same day, someone kidnaps me and demands ransom of a million , what will you do?
Husband: I doubt if I can hit two jackpots in one day.
Apparently, schools will now run from September right through till July with no holidays....
It's a long term solution.
Scientists have discovered that, on occasion, an octopus will "punch" a fish for no reason other than spite
That's called Toxic Molluskulinity.
I'm putting together a book of tried and true recipes, none of which will include thyme as an ingredient.
>!I've decided the title is going to be 'Thymeless Classics'!<.
You're damn right it will
Dostoevsky once wrote: "Beauty will save the world".
After seeing my mother-in-law, it seems like there's gonna be war.
If you commit 90 sins, you will only get caught half the time.
I wrote a will today
I really hope Mr. Smith gets back to me.
My daughter goes to a school that requires a uniform. Occasionally, the administration will reward the children with a free dress day.
For some reason, my daughter never comes home with her free dress...???
If God posts anything on reddit it will definitely die in new...
cause all his worshipers will be devoting that post!
"Will those lobsters share their food?"
"No, they're two shellfish."
What do you call a friend who will even go for a walk with you in the rain to listen to your worries?
A rainbro
(Recommended soundtrack for this joke: Bob Marley: Sun is shining. You’ll see why)
I have created living numbers! In fact, one of them is psychic and told me that certain things will continue to happen for a long time.
At least for the four-seeable future.
Elon musk will be disappointed
This pandemic will most likely be remembered as the....
Prediction: There will be a minor Baby Boom in 9 months, and then one day in 2033 we will witness the rise of
And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.”
But John came fifth - and won a toaster.
Will glass coffins become popular?
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
How do you catch Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints
How do you track Will Smith in the snow?
Do you think glass coffins will ever be a thing?
The salesman at the furniture store told me, "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problem."
I said, "Where the fuck am I going to find 5 people without any problems?"
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