Plan pun joke
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︎ Jan 26 2021
Did I tell you guys about the side-hustle plan I came up with? Iβm going to do personal training for the band that recorded βLolaβ and βYou Really Got Meβ. Itβs a good plan...
I just have to work out a few Kinks.
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︎ Mar 26 2021
My local Waffle House has a new insurance plan.
They're now covered and smothered.
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︎ Mar 17 2021
Hey what are your plans for Valentine's day? -Us singles be like :
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︎ Feb 11 2021
What do you call second thoughts about plans to visit a Native American sanctuary?
A reservation reservation reservation
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︎ Feb 23 2021
Do you know how Thanos came up with his horrible plans?
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︎ Feb 26 2021
I don't plan to put up solar panels...
But, if you do, more power to you.
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︎ Feb 11 2021
Always plan ahead
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︎ Jan 11 2021
What's the president's backup plan in case the USA gets invaded?
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︎ Jan 09 2021
Have you heard about Amazonβs plan to make intercontinental shipments using electric submarine drones?
Theyβre projecting a large increase in e-fish-in-sea.
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︎ Dec 02 2020
I have a plan to live on two bucks for the whole next year.
Step 1: get a hunting license.
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︎ Dec 16 2020
My doctor was trying to describe the treatment plan for my frostbite.
I couldn't picture it, so she showed me a faux toe.
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︎ Jan 09 2021
Polkageist: Its all going "accordion" to my plan!
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︎ Oct 31 2020
I finally came up with a plan to get rid of the ice on my driveway
I have it all thawed out.
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︎ Dec 06 2020
How do you plan a party in space?
You planet
Courtesy of my 12 year old daughter. So proud!!
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︎ Dec 04 2020
Why did the couple cancel their dinner plans at the local Indian restaurant?
They agreed it was a naan-starter
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︎ Nov 21 2020
Every morning I plan on making pancakes.
π︎ 6
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︎ Nov 20 2020
I tried to plan a tour of the worlds oldest library
Unfortunately it was fully booked
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︎ Oct 29 2020
I couldn't stop laughing when I heard what they're going to call Biden's healthcare plan.
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︎ Nov 06 2020
What did the bonito call the other bonito that cancelled plans?
π︎ 5
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︎ Oct 29 2020
Do you think birds ever plan out their day?
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︎ Sep 17 2020
A midget escaped from prison by using bed sheets tied together and scaled down the outside wall. He left a note detailing his escape plan, highlighting the prison guards stupidity and incompetence.
The Warden said "he's a little condescending"
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︎ Oct 03 2020
Did Covid-19 ruin your plans for 2020?
If so, then just wait for 2022.
Because 2022 is 2020 too.
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︎ Sep 17 2020
I work at Johnsonville, lost a whole pallet of sausages yesterday - luckily I have a plan...
Time for the βwurst-case scenarioβ. Glad I brat that to your attention? Sorry, I know these jokes are played, you gotta take sausage jokes on a casing by casing basis. Ok Iβll stop now.
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︎ Jul 17 2020
Son: What are your plans for today?
Dad: A friend and I are going to buy some eyeglasses?
Son: And after that?
Dad: And after that, we'll see.
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︎ Aug 26 2020
He had an eggcelent plan
π︎ 135
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︎ Mar 13 2020
When quarantine messes up your plans...
π︎ 48
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︎ May 07 2020
If you ever have to cancel plans with friends your excuse should be that you have to wash your hair in a lukewarm shower with high quality dandruff shampoo.
At least that way your friends can never call you flakey.
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︎ Jul 23 2020
There are plans to turn Kodak into a pharmaceutical company
But the plans are underdeveloped
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︎ Aug 24 2020
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︎ Jun 22 2019
I had my cornfield all set up to sell in 2 acre units when my realtor suddenly brought me plans for acre units.
He was plotting against me!
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︎ Aug 12 2020
I asked Dad how he plans to spend the day. He said, "first, Mom and I will go pick up our prescription glasses"
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︎ May 29 2020
Not really sure this is a dad joke but my daughter just confused us both. She's making bracelets and said she plans to sell them for 50 cents to raise money for her school.
She said she'll give half to her school and keep a quarter for herself.
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︎ Jun 25 2020
Fidelity just announced a retirement plan for Rock βn Rollers
Itβs called the David Lee Roth.
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︎ Jul 14 2020
Wife: what are your plans for today? Me: I am going to the eye doctor
And after that Iβll see
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︎ Jun 12 2020
During the pandemic, I plan to build a new underground shelter to live in.
π︎ 5
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︎ Apr 10 2020
Why do melons have to plan their weddings?
π︎ 13
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︎ May 17 2020
Every plan A needs a good plan B
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︎ Dec 18 2019
For Easter I plan on smoking a ham.
Anyone know where I can find rolling papers big enough to fit one?
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︎ Apr 10 2020
I had a plan to fry eggs for breakfast, but I dropped them
π︎ 5
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︎ May 23 2020
My friend showed me his plan to get and drink a frozen carbonated beverage available in fruit and soda flavors.
"Icee!" I exclaimed exuberantly.
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︎ Mar 06 2020
I have a plan for a new side-hustle. Iβm gonna do personal training for members of the band that recorded βLolaβ and βYou Really Got Meβ. Itβs a good plan...
I just have to work out a few Kinks.
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︎ Feb 15 2021
I don't plan to put up solar panels.
But if you do, more power to you.
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︎ Dec 08 2020
How Does NASA Plan a Party?
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︎ Sep 09 2020
βWhat are your plans for today?β
βA friend of mine and I are going to buy some glasses.β
βAnd after that?β
βAnd after that weβll see.β
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︎ Jun 25 2020
What are your plans for today?
Friend: What are your plans for today?
Me: I am going with my brother to the optician to get new glasses
Friend: then what?
Me: And then we'll see
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︎ Jun 25 2020
If your plans are ruined this 2020 because of Coronavirus, save it for 2022
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︎ Apr 18 2020
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