How do you find Will Smith in a snow storm?

You look for fresh prints

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheHibernian
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Will glass coffins ever be popular?
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kevjonesin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
The salesman at the furniture store told me, β€œThis sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”

I said, β€œWhere the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Aussies will understand
πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
I'm worried that the supreme court will lack empathy now that Ginsburg is gone.

Without her they're ruthless.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dudefaceguy_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
You're damn right it will
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/giftsamuel_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Will glass coffins be a success?

Remains to be seen.

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Merlin-5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Will glass coffins ever become popular?

Remains to be seen

πŸ‘︎ 376
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deadly_R
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
How much space will be freed in the EU after Brexit?

Approximately 1 GB.

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
I'm planning to implement a new weight-loss method that will require people to wear winter gloves making it harder for them to eat.

I will call it "Inter-mitten fasting".

πŸ‘︎ 107
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jhnrmn
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
If a woman says she'll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be.

No need to remind her every half hour.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BusyPooping
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
The owner of the Indianpolis Colts will be in trouble if he has to speak in court, because no matter what he says the judge will think...

That's Irsay.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dawsonju
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
If a father in Iraq gifts his daughter a new bag, what will she say?

Thanks for the Baghdad!

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alpha_Supreme
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Prediction: There will be a minor Baby Boom in 9 months, and then one day in 2033 we will witness the rise of

The Quaranteens

πŸ‘︎ 27k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tecniklee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
It will cost a buccaneer!
πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadowsnipeeee
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Nerds will get it
πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ConradT16
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Three things Christ promises he will never do: Won't leave you broken-hearted (Psalm 147:3), won't reject you (John 6:37), and won't leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).

In essence, Jesus is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BillyBob_TX
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I gots two words that will leave you all scratching your heads.

Head lice.

πŸ‘︎ 201
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gbredman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
A steak pie will cost you $2.50 in Jamaica, in Barbados its $3

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Im_In-corg-nito
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
9 months from now, there will be a baby boom. 13 years later, will give rise to the next generation, known as....

Quaranteens.

πŸ‘︎ 607
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m traveling through England and will be in Greenwich tomorrow.

Not sure what to do in the Mean Time.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
To the person who stole my spectacles. I will find you.

I have contacts.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OliPark
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Where there’s a will
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kelly240361
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Biden will NEVER, EVER be my president

because I live in Canada.

πŸ‘︎ 163
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I-Only-Lurk-SRD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œDoctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?”

β€œYes, of course…”

β€œGreat! I never could before!”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinnber
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife said "will you stop pretending to be a flamingo"

Sorry, but I had to put my foot down with that one.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Taff-Price
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
What's green and will kill you if it falls out of a tree

A pool table.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buckarooBanzii
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
The College Board announced today that it will be dropping the essay section from the SAT.

It’ll now just be called the T.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tietjen1209
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Murphy's Law states anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Have you heard of Cole's Law?

It's shredded cabbage

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/loloPogi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Son: Dad, will invisible airplanes ever be a thing?

Dad: I just can't see them taking off.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AviationChic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
The Mama Roach asked "What will happen to us if that human sprays us with Raid?"

The Papa Roach replied "Suffocation. No breathing."

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SammDogg619
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Not many fans are allowed in the stadium for Green Bay’s game today. It will be like

Silence of the Lambeau

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/afarro
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
2022 will be as bad as 2020

Because it's 2020 too

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moe87b
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will pick on him because of his name. I reassured him, "Don't be silly!"

"Why would anyone pick on you, Someoneyourownsize!?"

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Everyone seems to think next year will bring back some comforts of normalcy

I’m not so convinced though since 2021 is guaranteed to be an odd year

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/medimanager
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
NASA put a watch around a potted plant and sent it on a rocket to the sun. I said to my Daughter, "don't worry, it will be ok.."

"a watched pot never boils"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevographic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
And just like that, 2020 won. Better start trainimg for the rematch in 12 months...it will be 2020 two.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/squarepeg101
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
**Genie: I will grant you 2 wishes** **Me: I want to be rich.** **Genie: Okay granted, second wish?** **Rich: I'd like loads of money.**

Taken from fb

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XDG-Diggz74
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
This is where getting high everyday will land you.
πŸ‘︎ 165
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πŸ‘€︎ u/linknt01
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
The Secretary of State will be Biden's first confirmed Cabinet member.

After all, the Republicans can't say no to A. Blinken!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I wonder if there will be a term for a President who’s been impeached twice

At least I know there won’t be two terms!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Agrajag22
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Kid: [whining] β€œDad, will you put my shoes on?.” Dad: β€œNo...

...they’ll never fit me.”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
We will, we will rock you!
πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wanjirahope
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
The salesman at the furniture store told me, β€œThis sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”

I said, β€œWhere the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”

πŸ‘︎ 643
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I wonder, will glass coffins be popular someday?

... Remains to be seen.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SaintFistopher
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
what do you call a tree that will never give you up, never let you down, never gonna run around and desert you?

rick ash-tree

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/imboredwithlyf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report

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