Without any replicators on the family orchard, he decides to do it analogue with his brother's old sewing machine.
He puts a thread through the needle, his uniform underneath, and switches it on. It whirs and grunts out clunking noises before being switched back off.
"Robert your machine is broken!"
"What do you want me to do about it, Jean-Luc?"
"I need you to make it sew!"
Friend A, while pulling up his pants in aggravation, said, "I need to get a belt."
I responded, "I have an extra belt if you need it. I've actually been meaning to throw it away."
Without hesitation, Friend B chimed in with, "...but he didn't want it to go to waste."
Beautiful.
It’s just something I got sucked into.
But you didn’t like it.
Until I was accused of plaguerism.
pUnintended?
They climb up a couple of bar stools and have a seat. One of them says to the bartender, "Hey, give me and my partner here a beer would you?"
The bartender replied, "Sorry, we don't serve strings here."
So they climb down off of the bar stools and slither across the floor and out of the bar.
One says to the other,"Lets go down the street. I know of a better bar than this one anyways."
"Now wait a minute, said the other string.This is clearly discrimination!"
"Well what do you intend to do about it?"said the other string?
"I'm going to go back in with a disguise and I'll get that damn beer." So he ties himself in a knot, frazzles up one end of himself,goes back into the bar,slithers across the floor and climbs up the bar stool. He says to the bartender, "I'd like a beer please."
The bartender says," Wait a minute . Aren't you the same piece of string that was in here a while ago?"
So the string said, "No.I'm a frayed knot.
I glanced over and noticed that they were quite attractive. A little on the larger side, but that never stopped me before. So, yogurt cup in hand, I boldly approached their table.
“Excuse me,” I said, “I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation, and I noticed your lovely accents. Are you two ladies from Scotland by any chance?”
They immediately bristled at my question, obviously offended, and one of them snapped at me, “It’s Wales!”
“No offense intended,” I replied. “Please allow me to try again...are you two whales from Scotland?”
But, to be honest, I just intended to rough him up a bit.
But it DOES seal quacks in ducks
When people point out that I didn't make a pun I reply, "Yeah, and I didn't intend to."
It’s just a hot dog. No bun intended.
Posted at r/jokes but someone told me to post here. Guess I’m officially old.
The shuttle was low on fuel, so Armstrong has to take manual control of it to find them a safer place to land, landing 4 miles away from where they intended to.
The scientists behind it were very Apollo-getic.
Does he avacado? Because If not you should let that mango
Son is working on math. Currently working on negative numbers, which is below his level (pun intended).
Wife says, "He is really bored. If you can think of anything to say to help that would be great.
Me to son, “Hey buddy, I know you are working on negative numbers and that is boring. Try to stay positive.”
It was a PowerPoint presentation.
In my defence I only intended to rough him up a little bit
