I wish Covid-19 had started in Las Vegas.

Because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ArtosThunder
πŸ“…︎ May 03
🚨︎ report
Wish I was as smooth! :(
πŸ‘︎ 424
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PiccoloNeat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
A genie appeared and granted me one wish: I said I wanted to be happy.

Now I live in a cottage with 6 other dwarfs and I work in a mine.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ May 14
🚨︎ report
The genie asked, "What’s your first wish?" Steve replied, "I wish I was rich!" The genie nodded and said, "What’s your second wish?"

Rich exclaimed, "I want lots of money!"

πŸ‘︎ 17k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I wish I was single for one day

Being single my whole life is exhausting

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AdvaitChowdhary
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
My fiancΓ© said, "I wish I had Voldemort's wand...

...because then I could avada keDABra!!"

(ΰΈ‡α΅’ΜŒηšΏα΅’ΜŒ)ΰΈ‡βΌΒ³β‚Œβ‚ƒ

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/queefyqueen_j
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
I wish I could make money flipping houses

But my arms aren’t strong enough

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pathrado
πŸ“…︎ May 11
🚨︎ report
What does the genie say when you wish for a $50 bill?

I’ll β€˜Grant’ it

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PonianYoutube
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
I wish maths would...

Solve its own problems like everyone else.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/trwyncudd
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
🚨︎ report
If β€œa dream is a wish the heart makes...”

Does that make a fart a nightmare of the stomach?

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TDBear18
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16
🚨︎ report
I wish I did😭
πŸ‘︎ 147
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/code_punk_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I just bought a vacuum cleaner off of Wish.com

It sucks

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16
🚨︎ report
Me: β€œOh, I wish I’d listened to my mother” Friend: β€œWhy? What’d she tell you?”

Me: β€œI don’t know, I wasn’t listening”

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12
🚨︎ report
I wish I was an expert at tying ropes together

but I’m knot

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bagelfaceass
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I wish my family wouldn't make such a big deal over not picking up dropped ice cubes.

It's just water under the fridge.

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Snowdoggo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
**Genie: I will grant you 2 wishes** **Me: I want to be rich.** **Genie: Okay granted, second wish?** **Rich: I'd like loads of money.**

Taken from fb

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/XDG-Diggz74
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone that studies the science of wish granting?

A genie-ologist.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DoctorCreepy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
🚨︎ report
My day is full of conference calls, collaborations, and 1-on-1s. I wish they would all just go away...

...but then my life would be meetingless.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ciden
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
🚨︎ report
I sometimes wish I had invented the shovel

It was a real groundbreaking invention

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MiloTheCat101
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Another year has came and went, and there are some things I wish I could’ve done differently

Hindsight is 2020

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Urinal-Cake2113
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
Genie: What is your final wish? Boy: I wish I were you.

Genue: weurd but alrught.

πŸ‘︎ 15k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
🚨︎ report
My grandfathers last wish was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.

That’s a lot of pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
wish all red flags were as obvious as those
πŸ‘︎ 103
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SailorNebula
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I wish I invented Ovaltine...

I would be a malty millionaire by now.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I got a vacuum cleaner from Wish.com

It sucks

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rckidyt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
wish I had that hat
πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thicckar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I didn't make this up but I wish I knew who did.

It was a gloomy day for a funeral. The widow weeped quietly in the front row. A distinguished gentleman approached her and said "Ma'am, I'm so sorry for your loss. Would you mind if I said a word?" "Please do", she replied. He stands, straightens his tie, and says "Plethora." Then he sits down. "Thank you," she said.

"That means a lot."

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eap42
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I wish we had ShowerThoughts over our morning meal instead,

So we could call them Breakfast Epiphanies

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ProducerPants
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I wish I knew some more fish jokes.

The ones I know are too crappie.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lukaseder
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I often wish I'd been adopted by gay parents.

So I could have twice as many dad jokes.

πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dilborg
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I wish Disney+ had decided to make Grogu the younger sibling of Yoda.

Then he could be named Broda.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ILoatheNickCage
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Before he died, my grandfather’s last wish was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.

That’s a lot of pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Since the quarantine started I haven't gotten a haircut. I wish I could just stop it where it's at

but it's growing on me.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lancalot
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I wish I was a millionaire, like my dad...

He wishes he was a millionaire, too.

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Many years after the great flood, God came to Noah again and spoke: β€œNoah, it is my wish that you build another ark.”

Rather worried, Noah said β€œBut my Lord, have the people not been good this time? Must there be another flood?”

β€œNo, there will not be a flood, the people have been good.” Said the Lord.

β€œThen why another ark?” Asked Noah.

β€œI wish for this ark to only house fish.” The Lord replied.

A slightly confused Noah responded β€œOkay... I shall do as you wish my Lord.”

β€œBut not just any fish; only carp.” The Lord said unto him.

Noah, now more bemused, replied β€œUh- okay my Lord.”

β€œOne more thing.” The Lord said unto him β€œit needs to have multiple levels.”

β€œAre you sure my Lord? What is the purpose of this? What on earth is it all for?” Noah pressed.

And God said: β€œI want you to build a multi-story carp-ark.”

Passed from my father unto me, to pass onto my son when he becomes a father.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dongwaffler
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Janice stepped outside to wish the mailman a good afternoon. "Good afternoon, mailman!" Said Janice.

The mailman responded with, "And a good afternoon to you, Femalewoman!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I wish I could travel to a pleasant city on the French Riviera...

...that would be Nice.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/youtellmebob
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I just wish, that I had made early investments in hand sanitizer, on the Stock Markets..

.. Somebody, somewhere, is rubbing their hands together.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I wish you well
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bafferlf
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I wish i could be ugly for one day

β€˜cause being it everyday is just really sad.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madmonkreborn
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
🚨︎ report
When i was 5 i got granted a wish...

It was either to have an enormous penis or a fantastic memory, if only I could recall my response

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mex5150
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I wish I can be like that parent when I grow up
πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Athena123YT
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2018
🚨︎ report
I wish I knew...
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Soda_Monster
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
A genie asks, β€œWhat is your first wish?”

β€œI want to be rich!” Replied the man

β€œOk Rich, what’s your next wish?”

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Londoner1982
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Genie: "What’s your first wish?"

Steve: "I wish I was rich."

Genie: "What’s your second wish, Rich?"

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My grandfather’s last wish was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.

That’s a lot of pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
The genie asked, "What’s your first wish?" Steve replied, "I wish I was rich!" The genie nodded and said, "What’s your second wish?"

Rich exclaimed, "I want lots of money!"

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2018
🚨︎ report

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