Recently revived my desire to watch Viking shows.

My interest was Bjorn again.

Hate this pun? I have no reNorse.

Thor-ry (Not Thor-ry).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Konamicoder
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07
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Trains have crazy desires

Because their locomotives.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tru_Fakt
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
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Young tomcat desires his mother.

Oedipuss

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2017
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The season has arrived when I desire the company of an Asian gentleman. It happens every year...

It's Thai Man Time Again.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SapperInTexas
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2016
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What is SpongeBob’s least desirable personality trait?

He’s too self absorbed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
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At one time, I had a strongly desired goal of owning a plumbing supply company...

I guess it was just a pipe dream.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
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What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?

A hot plate

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 07
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When my friend craves seafood, he doesn’t care what anyone else wants to eat.

He has shellfish desires.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ May 24
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Pizzakial $25.17 - The grasp of the desirous man is beset on all sides of the obliquity of the crust and the toppings upon them.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Target359
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
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720p, 1080p
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KevlarYarmulke
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2018
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Santa Claus probably has...

sELFish desires.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Agentgames25
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
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Did you hear about the leper stripper?

She left a lot to be desired.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/seanfish
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
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I need help with a pun for "maroon"

My team color is maroon and we need a team name! Color puns are desired

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimmygreen717
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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Took my son fishing yesterday and there was a dolphin. When I cast out my bait he asked "are you trying to catch him?"

Me; "Not on porpoise"

He laughed 12 year old girl next to us cringed and said "porpoise... really?" Joke had desired effect.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shootinstraight88
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
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[META] Is this the ultimate dad joke?

A while ago, my daughter told me she was into fan fiction. I told her I used to be as well, but I changed to air conditioner fiction... because it was cooler.

She was not amused.

I have now created a subreddit called r/AirConditionerFiction

If you have the time and the desire, drop by and leave a short work of fiction regarding air conditioning. If this is successful, I will give my daughter a link and wait to see her facial expression. I will also prepare for being put in a less-then-stellar retirement home.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/welded_angus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2016
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My friends grandfather asked Me if I wanted to see a picture of his "pride and joy"

When I said yes he pulled a picture of the cleaning products "pride" and "joy". The man carries these pictures in his wallet at all times.

πŸ‘︎ 353
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2014
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Got the girlfriend again (with extra-groan for Easter relevance)

A couple of nights ago my girlfriend and I spotted a white jackrabbit in the field near our house. We noticed one again tonight on our drive home:

Girlfriend: Hey look, it's the Easter bunny.

Me: Huh, pretty sure that's the same jackrabbit from the other night.

Girlfriend: Can't be a jackrabbit, its ears are way too small.

Me: We're clearly just splitting hares here, babe.

It took a second, but she responded with the desired groan and the "you're an idiot" face push-away. Victory.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HEHHHHHHHH
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2016
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What's the difference between a normal joke and a dad joke?

Normal jokes are created, dad jokes are grown.

Made this one up for my unsuspecting kids today and got the desired results : )

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BXCellent
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2018
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I think I've taken this one to a whole new level

Dave is working at his job at the Time Travel Factory when his partner Bob comes back in his own time machine. "Come quick Dave!" he says "I just got back from the Middle Ages and have met a prince!" So Dave climbs into Bob's machine and they head to the Middle Ages.

They arrive at a castle and immediately meet the prince Bob was talking about. "Your Majesty" says Bob "Allow me to introduce my friend Dave. He works with me at the Time Traveling factory." As Dave bows, the Prince says "It is an honor to meet you my loyal subject. I am a Prince. My mother and father are Queen and King of this kingdom."

"It is even more of an honor to meet you, Your Highness" says Dave. "I have never met royalty before."

"It is indeed a rare honor for most subjects." said the prince. "Because of a strict guideline of pre-arranged marriage and inbreeding, there are only a small number of us around."

"Er...ok..." said Dave. "So tell me Prince, how vast is your kingdom."

"It is most large" said the Pr

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2017
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I don't want to buy a house without a front yard

Because it leaves a lot to be desired

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mississippi24
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2016
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[META] A plea for real dad jokes.

EDIT: I somehow JUST saw the Mod Sticky post from last week, where a lot of users have expressed similar sentiments to these. I apologize to the mods if this is not appropriate and respect your decision if you want to delete it. I just wanted to see if people were thinking the same kind of thing. Still, read it if ya like.

It used to be that /r/dadjokes was a place to post actual stories of real dad humor. 'My dad pulled out this groaner at dinner.' 'Just became a dad...I think I get it now!' These are the things that warm my heart and tickle my corny bone. And I don't think I'm alone.

Now, we're arrogant enough to think we know the formula for dad humor, so we can post anything reminiscent of it, and it counts as a dad joke. It's as if we think we own dad humor now, and we can bend it and shape it at will.

Let me tell you, folks. WE DO NOT OWN DAD HUMOR.

Even the dads among us don't own it. I think the universe just channels it through them in brilliant, glorious, invo

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlapYourHands
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2013
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i have a passion for setting things on fire

you could say it

BURNS WITH DESIRE

slaps knee

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bababababulbasaur
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2013
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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My knock knock joke from tonight's dinner table.

"Knock Knock"

"Who's There?"

".......Knock Knock."

"Who's There?"

".....Knock Knock"

"Who's there?"

"......Is anyone going to let the deaf guy in?"

(Repeat the pattern until you get the desired eye roll."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cliffkleven
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2016
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The best dad jokes are the ones you laugh at more than the audience...

I didn't come up with this but its been flying around reddit for a while...

A day before his 15th birthday, the son of a wealthy family was asked by his father, `Well my son, what would you like for your birthday?' The son hesitated a moment and his father's thoughts leapt ahead to a new computer and similar things. However, his son had had a new computer only recently and could have a new one any time he wished.

Finally, the son said, `Father, I have everything a boy could wish for, but there is one thing I would really like. I would love to have a pink ping pong ball.'

The father was rather astonished at this wish, but said, `If it is a pink ping pong ball that you want, a pink ping pong ball you shall have.'

And so, the next day, the son was given as his bithday present a pink ping pong ball.

The boy took the ball to his room and the next morning the pink ping pong ball was gone. The father was mildly surprised but decided not to say anything. The pink ping pong ball, however,

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Sven
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2013
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"Dad, I want to keep bees..."

Today I sent my dad a text, proclaiming my desire to start keeping bees when I move into my new house next month. Below is a transcript of our text conversation:

Me: Dad, I want to start beekeeping at the new house.

Dad: I tried that once, but I broke out in hives.

Dad: Must be allergic

Dad: Not sure how to keep bees, but I'm sure we could bumble our way through it.

Dad: Don't know where you get bees so we'll have to comb the area for them.

Me: I thought if I ignored you this would stop.

Me: ...now I'm SKEP-ticle

Dad: Lol! Good one! Now I'm all abuzz with new ideas.

Me: Nope. We are done.

As an aside, my wife is pregnant, and I'm soon going to be a father. Clearly the dad joking begins during the first trimester.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Riickroll
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2015
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Two antennae met at a bar...

They started dating and eventually fell in love. They decided to get married. The wedding left a lot to be desired, but the reception was great.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2015
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Reading about some college football prospects

With my girlfriend next to me, I was going over a 2016 NFL college prospects. Oregon has a defensive lineman named DeForest Buckner.

Girlfriend: "Is he any good?"

Me: "Some scouts think he leaves a lot to be desired with his technique, but I think they're just missing DeForest for DeTrees."

It was wasted on her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/firethecannons
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2015
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My Dad's go-to story joke

So my dad pretty much lays this one on every friend of mine he ever meets.

There once was this man named Benny, who had the strongest desire to live forever. The devil knew these desires, and arose out of the dephts to make a deal with Benny.

The deal stated that, in exchange for Benny's soul, he would be gifted with immortality. The only condition was that Benny could not shave any part of his body, ever, or he would be instantly transformed into an urn.

Benny went on with his now unending life and found himself falling in love with a girl shortly after accepting this deal with the devil. The girl however. Would not love him back because of his ridiculously long hair covering his entire body. It was said that the hair from his knuckles would sweep the floor when he walked into the room, and he would constantly trip himself on his beard.

The girl eventually died and Benny fell into a deep depression. He decided it would be best to end his misery by going to a barbershop, and gett

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRagingKoala
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2013
🚨︎ report
Wife was cutting up pears for a dip

She was trying to get all the pears on half the serving dish but one slice kept falling off, so I said "I guess that slice doesnt conform to your desired a-pear-ances". Groaning ensued.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blackmatter615
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2014
🚨︎ report
Train station attendant was a Dad.

The bus ride to the station had been very stressful. I spent the entire time worrying if the bus even stopped at the train station. I ended up spending nearly an hour making two loops around the city before I finally realized that I had to hop off near the station. Public transport. Jesus.

I'd missed the train I wanted to catch due to my hour-long bus ride, so I had some time to kill before the next one arrived. It had been cold and raining when I left in the morning, but by lunch time it was warm and I was sweating, standing on the station in a big yellow hoodie and jeans.

I had overslept and skipped breakfast earlier, so I resolved not to let the loud farts coming from the old man next to me kill my appetite. I was desperate for a snack.

Initially the vending machine told me it would accept "EXACT CHANGE ONLY". Slightly annoying, but no real problem: I just fished out my change, inserted some alternative coins and punched in the number. I watched the object of my desire inch fo

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Revoran
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2014
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Heard it at church

Who is the most desirable man on Earth? According to a poll of women, it is Mr. Potato Head. He is cute, tan, and if he makes you mad you can rearrange his face.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/butchpancake
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2014
🚨︎ report

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