I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment about their moustache, and suddenly...
She isnβt your friend anymore.
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︎ Mar 08 2021
My wife said "I look fat, give me a compliment"
I said "you got perfect eyesight."
π︎ 504
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︎ Jan 07 2021
I canβt do good work in Excel without getting compliments,
I really need the validation.
π︎ 15
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︎ Jan 06 2021
Why didn't the pro golfer wear his golf shoes during the round? (Compliments of my stylist)
Because he's got a hole in one.
π︎ 15
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︎ Dec 11 2020
How do you correctly compliment a dad joke?
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︎ Jun 09 2020
Dad, I feel fat and ugly... Give me a compliment...
Dad: You have good eyesight !
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︎ Feb 03 2020
(Compliments of my 5 year old) Why did the chicken walk under the cow?
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︎ Jun 24 2020
My music teacher gave me the best compliment ever
So i (16M) like jokes. I told one to my (awesome dad joke enthusiast) music teacher that went something like.
him picking up a guitarr
Me: why are you so strΓ€ng?
StrΓ€ng means guitarr string and also strict as in a strict teacher in Swedish.
He laughed a bit and said: "you are gonna make a great dad"
Thank you PΓ€r, love ya buddy!
π︎ 3
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︎ May 23 2020
After a long day, it was nice to hear someone compliment my homemade bread.
π︎ 53
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︎ Dec 07 2019
Figure this one out, get a compliment!
π︎ 7
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︎ Jul 12 2019
But I wonder what they really do when we tell the waiter to give compliments to the chef
π︎ 39
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︎ Aug 21 2019
"You da bomb!" is a compliment in the West.
And an argument in the Middle East.
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︎ Oct 20 2019
Iβm easy going, my wife says Iβm handsome. Sheβs a control freak but I tell her she is beautiful. We are different but we compliment each other.
π︎ 4
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︎ Nov 05 2019
I found the perfect way to compliment my kids using mathematics
π︎ 15
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︎ Apr 15 2019
Thereβs a school for communists, and do you know what the best compliment a teacher can give to a student there?
π︎ 7
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︎ Oct 15 2019
My 7yo son to my 10yo son: βTell me a mean complimentβ
Me interjecting: βYouβre average.β
π︎ 13
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︎ Mar 20 2019
How do you compliment a hard-working man who love cats?
π︎ 4
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︎ Jul 11 2019
Girlfriend paid me a compliment.
GF: I like your forearms.
Me: I only have two.
I had to explain it, but then she slapped her forehead. I know, she only has one.
π︎ 2k
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︎ Dec 04 2014
What a compliment.
π︎ 5
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︎ Feb 16 2019
Elevators give really great compliments.
π︎ 2
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︎ Dec 31 2018
I'm pretty proud of this one [fishing for compliments]
π︎ 64
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︎ Aug 06 2016
Which bird is the best at searching for compliments?
π︎ 3
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︎ Apr 21 2019
Wife: βI look fat, I really want a compliment!β
Husband: βWell... You have amazing eyesight!β
π︎ 16
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︎ Jan 15 2019
Never give a short person compliment,
It goes straight over their head.
π︎ 8
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︎ Sep 14 2017
I gave a flat-earther a compliment.
π︎ 5
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︎ Jan 19 2019
How do cats compliment each other?
π︎ 3
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︎ Feb 23 2019
I NEED TO COMPLIMENT A GIRL WITH A HORSE REALTED PUN
PLEAS I NEED TO TELL AGIRL SHES PRETTY BUT I HAVE TO DO WITH A HORSE REALTED PUN OR JOKE HELP ME
π︎ 3
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︎ Nov 11 2016
My wifeβs friend gave me a compliment on my hair.
I said βthanks, I grow it myself.β
π︎ 5
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︎ May 18 2018
Shore I was having a whale of a time but now I'm just fishing for compliments.
imgur.com/cWnWoW0
π︎ 30
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︎ Nov 06 2014
If you teach someone how to give compliments...
...would you say you're a complimentor?
π︎ 4
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︎ Apr 18 2018
How do you compliment two tattoos on a lady ?
"Ayye.. Nice set of tats"
π︎ 2
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︎ Aug 05 2018
"We were getting fast food when the lady at the window said, 'Any condiments?' My dad responded, 'Compliments? You look very nice today!'β
π︎ 4
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︎ Dec 25 2017
What do you call somone who compliments you pi times?
π︎ 5
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︎ Mar 14 2017
Whenever someone compliments my hair...
I have really long a curly hair that people tend to compliment. So whenever someone says "I like your hair" or something of the like, I say "Thanks! I grew it myself!"
π︎ 10
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︎ Feb 17 2016
Dad compliments my intelligence
Let's say I solved a fairly simple task, Dad tells me "wow you're a fart smeller, err, a smart feller."
He's been doing this to me for like 20 years now.
π︎ 7
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︎ Apr 16 2014
My Grandfather told my Father this when he asked for good compliments to give to women.
"You don't sweat much for a fat girl!
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︎ Jun 18 2014
I've had a nice handlebar moustache for about a year now, and get a lot of compliments.
It's a conversation starter for sure, but once someone says "Hey nice moustache!" I always reply with "Thanks! It's grown on me."
π︎ 3
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︎ Aug 10 2014
Wife: I look fat, Give me a compliment
Husband: You have perfect eyesight
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︎ Sep 10 2020
Wife : "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment to cheer me up"
"You have perfect eyesight"
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︎ Feb 14 2020
After a long day it was nice to hear someone compliment my homemade bread
π︎ 12
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︎ Dec 08 2019
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly sheβs not your friend anymore.
π︎ 39
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︎ Jun 23 2019
Elevators give the best compliments.
π︎ 11
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︎ Dec 31 2018
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