I thought “well that’s unfortunate”
http://imgur.com/a/1qKYz
Hi Wishing-everyone-a-happy-Father's-Day, I'm Dad.
I guess you could say that i have a Lotta well wishers
...He leans into it and says, "I said Pianist! PIANIST!"
you might get luck, eh.
"I don't think so, do they take credit cards ?"
But that'd be boring.
It was signed ‘From a well-wisher’.
::watching Bruce Lee documentary::
"....when we were young, Bruce was scrawny but constantly picking fight that he would always lose..."
Boyfriend: yea, we a, we called him Bruised Lee
Happy Birthday from Columbus. Cathy (my mom) made you cookies. I ate them for you. Think of it as a slimming birthday present from your waist line to my belly! Your welcome! Happy 21st.
Because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
Rich exclaimed, "I want lots of money!"
I’ll ‘Grant’ it
Solve its own problems like everyone else.
Does that make a fart a nightmare of the stomach?
It sucks
Me: “I don’t know, I wasn’t listening”
Dino-SARS
Pine
but I’m knot
It's just water under the fridge.
Taken from fb
A genie-ologist.
...but then my life would be meetingless.
Hindsight is 2020
It was his vinyl request.
It was a real groundbreaking invention
Bartender: "Hold on there buddy, what's in the box?"
Man: "I'll show you if you give me a free drink
The bartender agrees and the man lifts the lid of the box to show a tiny man, who starts playing an equally tiny piano.
Bartender: "That's amazing! Where did you find him?"
Man: "There's a genie outside granting free wishes. But if you go out there, be sure to speak up, because I think he is hard of hearing."
Bartender: "Why do you say that?"
Man: "Do you think I would've wished for a twelve-inch pianist?"
Disclaimer: Not original.
I would be a malty millionaire by now.
Whenever I see a sharp, I wish it could just be flat
Genue: weurd but alrught.
That’s a lot of pressure.
So we could call them Breakfast Epiphanies
It was a gloomy day for a funeral. The widow weeped quietly in the front row. A distinguished gentleman approached her and said "Ma'am, I'm so sorry for your loss. Would you mind if I said a word?" "Please do", she replied. He stands, straightens his tie, and says "Plethora." Then he sits down. "Thank you," she said.
"That means a lot."
Then he could be named Broda.
The ones I know are too crappie.
So I could have twice as many dad jokes.
but it's growing on me.
He wishes he was a millionaire, too.
Rather worried, Noah said “But my Lord, have the people not been good this time? Must there be another flood?”
“No, there will not be a flood, the people have been good.” Said the Lord.
“Then why another ark?” Asked Noah.
“I wish for this ark to only house fish.” The Lord replied.
A slightly confused Noah responded “Okay... I shall do as you wish my Lord.”
“But not just any fish; only carp.” The Lord said unto him.
Noah, now more bemused, replied “Uh- okay my Lord.”
“One more thing.” The Lord said unto him “it needs to have multiple levels.”
“Are you sure my Lord? What is the purpose of this? What on earth is it all for?” Noah pressed.
And God said: “I want you to build a multi-story carp-ark.”
Passed from my father unto me, to pass onto my son when he becomes a father.
Ummm... let me see...
The mailman responded with, "And a good afternoon to you, Femalewoman!"
http://i.imgur.com/1Fm2ojr.jpg
Steve: "I wish I was rich."
Genie: "What’s your second wish, Rich?"
That’s a lot of pressure.
That’s a lot of pressure.
