Misunderstanding on purpose

My favourite 'dad joke' is purposefully misunderstanding the kids and watching their disbelief as they try and reword things so even an idiot can understand. We have a family app so they need permission to download some apps onto their devices (because we are "controlling" πŸ™‚).

So every now and then this will happen:

Child : Can I get an app?

Me : sure, if you're tired just go and lie down.

Child: no, an APP

Me: yes, lie DOWN

Child: No, I need an... I want a...I just want...an app.

Me: or an early night?

Child: weary sigh

Me: you do look tired

  • thinking I'm the best joker in history*

That was a short version. If it didn't make sense, read it aloud.

The kids will put me in a home at the first opportunity.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/user_error101
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
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have you heard of the guy who broke his legs on purpose?

total legend

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NearDead-Star
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
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I'm a border collie. My master says that my main purpose is to gather sheep for him.

That's what I herd, anyway.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_otterinabox
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
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The main purpose of the call-response hooting that many owls engage in is to find and attract a potential mate.

To wit: to woo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29
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I got an F in art class on purpose

I wanted my report card to spell out F art

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrjaxson1111
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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Upon seeing a gorgeous girl at the party, I knew I had to meet her. So I approached and told her about a special-purpose ship designed to move and navigate through frozen waters, and provide safe waterways for other boats and ships.

I've used it before and it works. It's the perfect icebreaker.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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[Meta] The real purpose of dad jokes

Back in the before times, when sit-down restaurants existed, I used to order boneless cheese sticks and would just throw the word "boneless" in front of any appetizer with 100% corniness. The purpose of this isn't to make a good joke. It's not a good joke. The purpose is to make my dining companions catch some cringe splash damage and want to crawl into a hole and die out of embarrassment for my being horribly corny.

But there is a real, deeper purpose that I've discovered entirely by accident. People, especially young people, are so self-conscious and worried about saying or doing something embarrassing that it taints a lot of social gatherings. They go to a restaurant and are afraid to speak up even when their order is blatantly wrong. They'll tip well even when the food took an hour to arrive and the server has disappeared into the corn stalks behind a baseball field. It takes 2 hours of hanging out together before some friends finally stop nitpicking themselves, uncomfortable in their own bodies and brains, feeling perpetually judged, and begin to relax. These are the kinds of people who go to sleep every night replaying cringey moments from high school. Their last thought of the day is when the Burger King girl said, "Enjoy your meal!" and they said, "Thanks, you too."

It takes 2 hours and/or a lot of booze before they're comfortable enough to take conversational risks and truly reveal themselves. But if I come right out of the gate with a really dumb joke, then we can cut to the chase. There's less danger because someone in the group already shot themselves in the foot, right off the bat. They pulled a pin on the cringe grenade and then jumped on it.

You cringe at my dumb joke and then we're over the hump. Someone has already done something pretty stupid, so go ahead and order the hubcap of nachos and a massive chocolate shake because nobody is going to judge you poorly while they're all judging me.

In terms of price negotiations (haggling), there is a psychological concept called "anchoring". You throw out the first number and all subsequent numbers are compared to that number. This is the same idea. We've already set the humor standard pretty low at "boneless cheese sticks", so you can say the dumbest shit you want and, as long as it's not worse than my cheesy joke, it won't matter.

This is why, when you were a teenager and your dad took you and some friends out, your dad made corny jokes. He knew they were corny jokes. You and your friends un

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Permatato
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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There was no fork to stir my eggs, and though my wife asked me not to use it for this purpose

It was a whisk I had to take

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyeyedmcgee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritis pain...

In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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Came home with all purpose flour. My wife asked why I didn’t get bread flour.

I told her there wasn’t any, in these times bakers can’t be choosers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/malker84
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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Please i need it for medical purposes
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πŸ‘€︎ u/annamodski
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
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What did the man exclaim after the change machine explained its purpose?

Ah, makes cents!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/manlymatt83
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
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I don't like word play jokes done on purpose...

I prefer when they're pun-intentional

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arctic_Womble
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
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What do you call a knife with no purpose?

Pointless

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ManAmeJeEf
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
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I misunderstood the purpose of the colour conference...

It was a red hearring, so I blue myself for nothing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ruminino
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
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Purpose
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rawlingstones
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2016
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Duct tape isn't ever used for its intended purpose...

But it DOES seal quacks in ducks

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
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My friend always goes to the campground when he seeks purpose...

That's the only time his thoughts are in tents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
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The sole purpose of a child’s middle name.

is so they can tell when it's really inΒ trouble.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Namirred
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
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Everything has a purpose

God gave you toes as a device for finding furniture in the dark

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfowler11
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
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My dad said,"Do not use the bathroom for long time for other purposes...

.... either urinate or you're out of it"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Allgen
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
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What do you call a rodent that refuses to be used for scientific purposes?

A lab brat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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What is the purpose of a breast cancer awareness week?

To keep cancer from getting the breast of us.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FISHunderscore
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2016
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Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose

They make the person look better

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2018
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When my wife goes skiing she finds it fun to fall on purpose.

She's a strange woman, but that's how she rolls.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/markyland
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2017
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The Real Purpose of a Propeller

Most people think the main purpose of a propeller is to help keep the plane up in the air but that is not the case

It is really meant to be used to cool off the pilot

Because if the propeller stops spinning then the pilot begins to sweat

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Justin_Kehoe
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2018
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Whats the purpose of the flour in that recipe?

all.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoMilkTheCowsBro
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2017
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What do you call the gradual decline to eventual loss of living tree wives who you marry with the purpose of showing them off ?

Ent-trophy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WheresTheWombo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2016
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When playing Mario Odyssey, I asked my kids if they thought the tanks served a purpose...

...or are they tanks for nothing?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperC142
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2017
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Last week a self-driving car hit my brother on purpose

I guess it had faulty automotives

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πŸ‘€︎ u/halcyon427
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2018
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JusReign and JehanR travel to Iceland for the sole purpose of PUNNING youtube.com/watch?v=cGwnf…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frontlawnstuff
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2015
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Teacher walked into our classroom for one purpose

Teacher "I used to be addicted to soap... Don't worry I'm all clean now" Then he just started cracking up and left.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/memgriz32
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2015
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My dad thought he was kidnapped on purpose

Turns out he was mis-taken.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/upsidedownqbert
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2016
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If someone slips and falls on purpose, to claim insurance it should be called...

A Fraudian Slip.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/silentpl
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2016
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It wasn't on purpose

My father had been in a phase where all he'd drink was wine from the Rhine region of Germany.

When the waiter at the Chinese restaurant asked what we wanted for drinks, my father, knowing that not all restaurants carry it, asked "Do you have Rhine?"

Waiter: Yes, of course

Dad: Ok, great, I'll have that!

Waiter (looking confused): Ahh, ok, you want red rine, or white rine?

Dad: uhh.. how about merlot?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/natrous
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2014
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Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritic pain.

In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatandsalt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2018
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