He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
"Do you sell flop flops?"
And then it dawned on me
You, putting on a t-shirt.
She said "Fine... How much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"
And is disappointed to only see large piles of sand.
For some reason, my daughter never comes home with her free dress...???
She puts her pajamazon
Viagra Falls.
"Can I join you?"?
It gets Dhaka
Receptionist: Hello and welcome to the NDA, or New Dad Association, how may I help you today?
Dad: Can I tell other people about this?
Ratashootie
Certainly Sir, said the receptionist...this is the Lobby.
(His actual answer): "because you always need to carry a little cash on you."
"I artichoke you for that"
Tomb Raidy
A pair of long trunks.
Waitress: "Not a problem, what kind of dressing do you prefer?"
Dad: "Un dressing is my favorite"
Credit: my old man
And I said "thanks a latte."
Linoleum Blown-Apart
The doctor asks, "When did this start?"
Patient replies, "Next Tuesday"
Because many hands make light work.
He puts his pyjamazon
the doctor says I don’t follow you
Bear BnB
I love it when food comes with instructions.
All the children look at him and asks: are you my mummy?
Wait.......It's a tie.
...right in front of a house where there’s a huge party going on. He walks in and notices that the party is somewhat divided. There’s a clear distinction between the people waiting for the bathroom and the people queued up for drinks, etc.
Considering the urgency of the bathroom queue, he walks over to the drinks table and asks everyone there if they wouldn’t mind helping him push his car to get it started. They agree but even with the full might of several people, the car doesn’t budge. He thanks them for trying and they all head back inside.
A little while later, the doorbell rings. The man sees the host open the door to the largest pizza guy he’s ever seen. The behemoth is holding 15 pizzas with one hand, a pallet of buffalo wings with the other, with a keg strapped to each shoulder. The man jumps up and asks the pizza guy for his help pushing the car. He agrees and they head to the street.
With barely one touch of a pinky on one hand, the car lurches forward and starts right up. The man drives off, waving behind him and yelling a quick, “Thank you.”
As he catches sight of the party fading into the distance, he says to himself...
“Thank goodness for the delivery because that punch line sure is weak.”
“Currently”
“Sir, you gave me an extra!” he says. The beekeeper replies “Oh, that’s a freebie”
You get Ted Dancin'
He drank a full glass.
He was offered a refill.
He declined.
The guy was one punch man.
Bubble gum
"See ya later said the blind man!"
"You've broken your hand."
He asks for a Pint of Beer.
The bartender says: 'That'll be $4.85'
Then the bartender says: 'We don't get many gorillas in here'
The gorilla replies: 'With these prices, I'm not surprised'
Doc, I've started getting bad zits all over my ass.
Yeah, you've got a sebum problem.
The bartender says, “Hey! Aren’t you the rope that I just threw out?”
The rope replied, “No. I’m a frayed knot.”
Sign language.
"What's the best breed for horses like those you'd see in the old west movies," he asks the owner, "my mares are just like that." The owner thinks for a minute, then replies "Dachshund."
The man is surprised, and replies "are you sure about that? I was picturing something bigger that wouldn't get trampled on." The owner nods, and says "Yup, it's just like the movies - if you want your horses to behave, you get a long little doggie."
Because the P is silent
