I had a vasectomy because I didn't want any kids.
When I got home, they were still there.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Feb 27 2021
I want to tell a vaccine joke
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Feb 18 2021
I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker
But when I got home all the signs were there
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Jan 08 2021
Do you want hair, with more volume?
πππ
π£HAAAAIIIIIRπ£
π︎ 317
π
︎ Feb 18 2021
You don't want to get on a tree's bad side.
π︎ 24
π
︎ Mar 12 2021
My wife and I don't want kids
So if anyone does, we can drop them off tomorrow.
π︎ 69
π
︎ Mar 03 2021
Anyone want my old copies of Chiropractor Monthly ?
I have got loads of back issues.
π︎ 121
π
︎ Feb 15 2021
I want to train a dog to make bank deposits
Training them to make withdrawals just seems a bit too far fetched.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Mar 16 2021
Why does nobody wants to talk to circles?
Because they feel itβs pointless
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 12 2021
I wood not want to spend it
π︎ 34
π
︎ Mar 03 2021
I wrote down all of the things my wife wants me to buy from the produce section at the grocery store...
π︎ 5
π
︎ Mar 12 2021
Daylight Savings pun. I donβt want to spring ahead. I want my Auerbach.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 14 2021
Dad to his son; βDo you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?β
Son; βGo on, then.β
Dad growls; βNOOOOO, NOT THE KRYPTONITE!β
Son; βThatβs Superman.β
Dad; βThanks, Iβve been practicing a lot.β
π︎ 15k
π
︎ Oct 23 2020
Why did the 3 want to hook up with the other 3?
Because of the six appeal.
π︎ 36
π
︎ Feb 25 2021
"What do we want?"
"Bigger placards"
"When do we want them?"
"No"
π︎ 9
π
︎ Mar 02 2021
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 11 2021
When you want to throw things at French politicians, an egg is un Εuf
π︎ 8
π
︎ Mar 01 2021
Today, I didn-t want to dress like a winner. But I didn't want to dress like a loser either.
π︎ 31
π
︎ Mar 13 2021
I want to tell you about a girl that ate plants
but you've probably never heard of herbivore!!
π︎ 62
π
︎ Feb 22 2021
How do you reject someone who wants to elope?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 02 2021
The wife and I have decided we donβt want kids
Theyβre not taking it very well
π︎ 182
π
︎ Feb 02 2021
While at Starbucks, I said I didn't want the sippy cup lip.
They gave me my drink and said "this is the last straw."
π︎ 21
π
︎ Mar 03 2021
Cooking a Hawaiian pizza and don't want to burn it?
Be sure to cook it at aloha temperature.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Feb 24 2021
FIRST DATE: Her dad: "I want her home before midnight."
Me: "But you already own her home."
Dad: -turning to daughter- "If you don't sleep with him, I will."
Credit to u/psybermonkey15
π︎ 28k
π
︎ Sep 16 2020
You want some humantaschen?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Feb 25 2021
Anti-Capitalists want to eat the rich. How do they cook the rich?
π︎ 26
π
︎ Mar 08 2021
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did
Not screaming and yelling like everyone else in the car was when he drove over the cliff
π︎ 16
π
︎ Mar 02 2021
Do you want to hear a joke about paper?
Nevermind, itβs tearable...
π︎ 12
π
︎ Mar 13 2021
Why does nobody want 20/20 Vision?
Because nobody wants to see 2020 again
π︎ 7
π
︎ Mar 14 2021
My wife and I have decided that we donβt want children
We will be telling them tonight.
π︎ 32
π
︎ Mar 05 2021
Cymbals should be allowed to have sex with whomever they want
π︎ 19
π
︎ Mar 06 2021
Tell me mommy, at first did you want a boy or a girl?
At first I just wanted to take a shower
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 10 2021
Do you want to kear a joke about Potassium?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 20 2021
My financial advisor wants me to do the whole investor thing.
I bought the vest, any recommendations on a good tour I can take? So I can do my In Vest Tour
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 04 2021
What does a Norse god do when they donβt want to attract attention?
They stay low key (Loki).
π︎ 33
π
︎ Feb 10 2021
What do ants take when they want to hallucinate ?
π︎ 161
π
︎ Jan 24 2021
Want to know how dead you are ?
Just put a % sign after your age.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 07 2021
Maybe carbon doesn't want to be a diamond
it's just pressured into it
π︎ 9
π
︎ Feb 08 2021
If Volkswagen makes a luxury electric car I want it to be called
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 13 2021
Why do teddy bears never want to eat?
Why they are always stuffed!
π︎ 12
π
︎ Feb 02 2021
What do you type into a time machine if you want to go to Christmas?
Present Day.
I haven't tried it, but pretty sure it'll work.
π︎ 23
π
︎ Feb 17 2021
I personally want to see Radigascar
π︎ 390
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
I can stop telling dad jokes anytime I want to!
But he really enjoys hearing them, so I donβt think Iβll quit just yet.
π︎ 38
π
︎ Feb 19 2021
If you don't want to share stuff with others...
... just say ''Are we communists or what?''
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 09 2021
I hate working for what I want. Capitalism has ruined everything. Every time I dip my pen in the company ink, nine months later my wife hires a new employee.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 05 2021
Anyone want some old copies of Chiropractor Monthly ?
Iβve got loads of back issues.
π︎ 34
π
︎ Feb 16 2021
I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing stuff from his highway maintenance job.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
π︎ 60
π
︎ Jan 16 2021
Anybody want my old copies of Chiropractic Monthly?
I have lots of back issues
π︎ 11
π
︎ Feb 15 2021
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