My nudist friend does not like putting on clothes, but will angrily comply with dress code requirements...
I don't get how it's possible to reduce the social distancing requirement from six feet to three feet.
In almost all cases its impossible to have three feet between 2 people.
I was thinking of joining the space force until I heard about the ridiculous physical requirements!
Turns out I'm a little short for a stormtrooper.
I asked my wife, “Did you know there’s a fruit that gives you your entire potassium requirement for the day?”
My wife: That’s bananas.
Me: I know, I couldn’t believe it either.
Our Tea Company only allows men in the quality control department. It is a requirement,
What are the requirements to work in marine biology?
Your grades need to be above C-level
Army soldiers can't comprehend the 6-foot social distancing requirement.
But everyone in the Navy can fathom it.
I tried to join a secret religious society, but the requirements were very strict.
It was called Diffi cult.
Job requirements are hire standards
I'm no longer afraid to say what I really think of roller coaster height requirements.
I went to Cole's this morning to buy cabbage, apparently its a legal requirement for me to also purchase carrots and mayonnaise when purchasing cabbage.
[Meta] the ancestry of this sub
these are all real. Some are made by me, some are not (ones with an "*" are mine.).
/r/NoPuns is a sub where posting puns will get you a ban.
/r/NoNoPuns is a sub for people banned from /r/NoPuns.
/r/NoNoNoPuns is a sub for people who weren't. *
/r/NoNoNoNoPuns is a sub where puns are mandatory.
/r/NoNoNoNoNoPuns is a sub where requiring puns is banned. *
A good pun is like a good cake: it has many layers. Subreddits are the same.
I read today that defibrillators are going to be required for all public buildings...
A group of physicists came to my restaurant today, ate then explained what the force required to accelerate a mass of one gram at a rate of one centimeter per second squared is. Then when my attention was elsewhere, they all left, leaving behind a bunch of hyphens...
I should have known they'd dyne and dash.
I enrolled in a paid clinical study that requires an hourlong nap every day for six months.
Before hiring a new stylist, my salon requires a demonstration of the potential hire's skills...
Most don't even make the cut.
If you wear glasses and have been required to wear a mask during the COVID pandemic, you may be entitled to condensation.
My daughter goes to a school that requires a uniform. Occasionally, the administration will reward the children with a free dress day.
For some reason, my daughter never comes home with her free dress...???
My new job at the nuclear reactor requires me to take anger management classes.
They're to prevent meltdowns.
Becoming a sushi chef requires a lot of physics.
How else will you learn fission.
I'm planning to implement a new weight-loss method that will require people to wear winter gloves making it harder for them to eat.
I will call it "Inter-mitten fasting".
What city in the Middle East doesn't require you to wear a face mask?
The password is password1. It requires letters AND numbers.
Buying a box of Duraflame logs always requires a little thought...
I have to decide if I have $20 to burn.
A crab walks into a bar
“One beer please,” says the crab. “But if I am not satisfied I will require a full refund. You may dispute my claim that the beer wasn’t satisfactory at which point we can move to an arbitration process. This agreement is also only between us and I expect full confidentiality.”
“Sure,” says the bartender. “But why the big clause?”
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong
Did you hear about the kidnapping at the school?
What’s a penguin’s least favorite vacation destination?
A good pun requires periodic timing
Mandatory temperature screening will be required for fans attending the Foreigner reunion concert.
If you’re hot blooded, they’ll check it and see.
A King Fisher. More of a visual pun that requires knowledge on birds. Photoshopped myself
Here, a license is required for a forklift
Guess I need to switch to chopsticks.
Son: By law, you are actually required to turn on your headlights if if is raining in Sweden
Dad: Okay, but how the hell do I know if it’s raining in Sweden?
My Vet said our puppy requires supervision at all times.
I told him that I would be happy to consider LASIK, but wondered how it would help us potty train him?
A meteorology student did research on the necessity of temperature change when he was in college.
It was a degree requirement.
Modern problems require modern solutions.
Germany is now requiring people to stock up cheese and sausages due to COVID-19.
This is called the Wurst-Käse Scenario.
What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
One requires tweetment and the other requires oinkment.
Modern problems require Indian solutions
Parking a single car doesn't need much space...
But parking 200 cars, now that requires a lot.
Why didn't the Justice League accept the Adobe Sponsorship?
Because it would have required them to kill Flash.
ENTER A NEW PASSWORD “chicken” THE PASSWORD REQUIRES A CAPITAL!!!
A jazz guitarist couldn’t play a gig at a venue that had only six electrical receptacles.
His equipment required a seventh cord.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
A cable repairman was on our street today and asked what time it is.
I told him it's between 8am and 1pm.
I was required to add flair to this, True story not a flairy tail
Are you required to wear a face mask and wear glasses?
You may be eligible for condensation.
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