The skyβs the limit
π︎ 106
π
︎ Apr 27 2021
I went to the hardware store with a friend and the store had pallets of soil, seed, and fertilizer out front. We both stopped and looked at one of the pallets stacked high with bags of dried steer manure. The sign said, "Strict limit 2 per customer."
My friend looked at me and said, "I guess there's only so much shit you can take."
True story.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Apr 29 2021
I've had it with speed limits...
I'm putting my foot down.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Mar 17 2021
The skipper of a 40 ton trawler which ran aground in Hull during the early hours of Sunday was reported to be 6 times over the legal limit for sailing. Authorities said they had no idea what to do with a drunken sailor early in the morning.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Dec 28 2020
I stopped walking on coal to limit my carbon footprint
π︎ 12
π
︎ Nov 01 2020
What do you call a lycanthrope who knows their limits?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Aug 28 2020
My dad used to say "the sky's the limit"
Which is probably why he got fired from his job at N.A.S.A.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Aug 22 2020
Okay, seriously people, calm down. There's no need to tailgate me when I'm doing 120 mph, over twice the legal speed limit. Just pass me already.
Oh, and by the way, those flashing lights on top of your car look really stupid.
π︎ 19
π
︎ Apr 15 2020
Officer: "Don't you know the speed limit is 65 miles per hour?"
Me: "Yeah, but I wasn't going to be out that long."
π︎ 61
π
︎ Jul 07 2019
My parents always told me I can be anything I wanted, the sky's the limit
This made me sad because I wanted to be an astronaut.
π︎ 38
π
︎ Sep 16 2019
Are short puns off limit?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Feb 13 2019
Did you know there is a limit of 239 beans in a can of beans?
Adding 1 more would make it 2 farty
π︎ 27
π
︎ Apr 18 2019
When I was growing up, my dad always used to tell me, βThe Skyβs the Limit!β
He was never supportive of my dreams of becoming an astronaut.
π︎ 73
π
︎ Apr 21 2019
Just witnessed a septic cleaning truck use the left lane for a right turn, using no signal, and then proceeded to drive 10 miles under the speed limit...
Turns out he was a shit driver..
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jul 02 2019
I've invented a game where avocados appear randomly and you have to smash as many as possible within the time limit
I'm calling it Guac-a-Mole
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jan 02 2019
I didn't think my anatomy teacher would push me to the limit.
He sure showed me what I was made of.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 08 2019
I'm bad at math. I love it, but I know my limits.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 10 2018
When I was a kid, they told "The Skies the limit!" - Jokes on them.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 28 2019
My girlfriend called me a square for always following the speed limit.
I told her that I was more like a circle, squares are too edgy for me.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 23 2018
State Police pulled me over for going 7 mph over the speed limit. He said he would let me off with a warning, though.
I said, "Thanks. You're a real trooper."
π︎ 2
π
︎ Sep 12 2018
My girlfriend just asked me to guess the credit limit on her new card.
Me: "$4000?"
Her: "Higher."
Me: "$5000?"
Her: points up
Me: "$8000?"
Her: "No, the one above $5000."
Me: "$5001?!"
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 15 2017
My dad always used to say, "The sky's the limit!"
Which is probably why he got fired from his job at N.A.S.A.
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Oct 18 2017
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.