He started pointing them out to me.
"Llama, llama, llama, llama, llama, chameleon."
++++++++++++++++++
I thought of this today while driving and smacked my wheel as I giggled. My girlfriend stared at me, bemused and confused.
I like it. I'm proud of myself.
Multi-level marketing
Don’t mind him. He is just a product of our times.
Aware wolf.
Which is probably why he got fired from his job at N.A.S.A.
Oh, and by the way, those flashing lights on top of your car look really stupid.
They put a cap on it.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
It was an Apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just one byte. And then everything crashed.
Edits: Thanks for all the awards!
He broke the seed limit
Me: "Yeah, but I wasn't going to be out that long."
This made me sad because I wanted to be an astronaut.
Me: My love for you is 0/0 Her: Aww, infinite? Me: Nahh,Undefined. Her: Why are you like this, is there no limit to your stupidity? Me: Umm, now that you say it, I should've applied a limit to it. Her: I want to break your bones, ugh. Me: So are you saying that I'll have to re-visit the l'hospital?
... I guess you could say these protests are changing the landscape.
Adding 1 more would make it 2 farty
He was never supportive of my dreams of becoming an astronaut.
Turns out he was a shit driver..
Happy Father’s Day fellow dads!
I can still drink from the bottle
The worker responded “it’s our special tea”
You look at your X and wonder Y.
I'm calling it Guac-a-Mole
But I reached my limit with Calculus.
At this rate, he will never be in class on time.
He sure showed me what I was made of.
They drank their root beer out of square cups!
I'm an astronaut.
The cop said "Hey! Put that corner back"
I’ll name it Limited Addition.
I told her that I was more like a circle, squares are too edgy for me.
I guess that’s my limit.
I said, "Thanks. You're a real trooper."
I reached my statue of limitations.
but I was fired. They said I had limited PASTA-bilities.
I'd call it "statue of limitations".
Because it violated their statue of limitations.
Ra's berry.
The first one ordered one beer, the second ordered 1/2 a beer, the third ordered 1/4 of a beer and so on.
The bartender poured two beers and said:
“I know my limits”
He orders a pint. Then half a pint. The a quarter pint. Then an eighth, and so on. Eventually the barman hands him 2 pints and says ,”You mathematicians. You just don’t know your limits.”
He can’t seem to deal with the aftermath.
Stop, Speed Limit 30, No turn on red, Yield.
“Look at this, it still fits me after 25 years!”
I said, “it’s a scarf”
Apologize if this is a repost of some kind, my grandpa just sent me this as a text with his very limited energy. I wanted to honor his out-of-nowhere dad humor even in his old age.
I just looked at her and said "well that's odd."
I guess the sky is my limit
"Well, now I know why they don't call them himmicanes"
http://i.imgur.com/YJcRvei.png
but I found it a little derivative
Because speed is limited by band width
In her Drescher drawer
This sub is off-limits to you according to your own sub.
So the joke's on you.
Seems like Calcumore to me!
They didn’t have enough money to fully build it so they had their limitations.
Him: How did it happen?
Me: I really have no idea, she was fine yesterday.
Him: Have you ruled out the possibility of fowl play?
It was speeding down the interstate going 20 over the speed limit with a bunch of monkeys hanging off the side when suddenly it lost control and crashed, spilling the contents of it's trailer across all four lanes blocking traffic for hours.
It was bananas.
By which I mean safely and within the speed limit as not to draw the attention of the police.
But apparently there's no age limitation on childishness.
My understanding is limited
she would be fucking without any limits.
Talking to her dad about pumpkin cheesecake cookies
Friend: "They are here for a limited time only." Her dad: "Well yeah of course once you eat them they are gone."
...because there's a limit of one carrion bag
the sky is the "limit"...
My parents told me the sky was the limit for my job opportunities. help me
you just need to know your limits.
"Does he have Barkinsons disease?"
(Note, my wife got really mad about this joke. Apparently the dogs are off-limits)
A Call to Arms A Plead to the Limbless
The Armless are a stump among society and could easily achieve more. It’s bothersome that somebody with great potential could allow themselves to lose grip of what they aspire for. The radius of support and development that surrounds these people is astounding. Yet they bite the hand that feeds and throw away opportunities. With each passing day they are crippled by the errors in their ways. Not only are they not properly handling the situation, they are doing a disservice to society. Most will say to refrain from pointing fingers, but it is pertinent that we show them their faults.
All aside we should most certainly not try to elbow my way into their lives. However, if they were to branch off into their own progressive groups it would be most beneficial. And severance is a good thing between them and the public. This doesn't mean a complete amputation of them from society. Perhaps selective assistance will help these people find a well fitted sleeve within their communities. This process is difficult and lending a helping hand can make the difference.
On the other hand, we have those who don’t try to succeed. Their negligence is worthy of more than a mere slap on the wrist. When somebody refuses to apply themselves, they are holding back progress. By giving themselves mental limitation they are creating a prosthetic disability they must abide by. The majority of working to achieve goals is believing you can reach out and grab them. But, somebody who gives up is cutting themselves short of success Seeing somebody give up is the furthest thing from being humerus. Urging these people is a necessity, otherwise they will never try their hardest, encourage them to use some elbow grease and put forth full effort. Any small contribution is better than being a detriment, community service, obtaining greater education, enlisting in the armed forces, these all benefit society. Drastic changes of this scale are sure to cause discontent, grab a tissue if need be, but never give up. For all those that are currently wasting away without contribution, it's time to limb’er up and take charge.
Dad: Oh that would suit you. Bungalows are for people of limited intelligence...
I ask why as my sister simultaneously says "No don't fall for it!"
Dad: because they've got nothing upstairs.
-_-
That night somebody had broken into his shop and stolen a few very expensive suits, and he wanted the person responsible arrested.
He approached the counter, where the owner of the workshop stood.
"Hi!" she said. "I'm Emmy, how can I help you today?"
"Well, I have this problem, and I saw online that you could help me for cheap." he responded.
"My shop was robbed of some of my most expensive suits tonight, and I want your help catching the perpetrator."
"That's awful, but I am confused as to how I would be of assistance?" she said.
The tailor was silent for a second, noticeably confused.
Before he had a chance to respond she asked,
"What did you see on our website?"
"Well I didn't actually see it on your website, there was actually this ad that intrigued me. It had big bold letters and read:
For a limited time only, click the link to find the cheapest and best deals!!! Emmy's Suit cases - Now 50% off!!!"
Two falcons are passing through security, each carrying 3 dead squirrels. They weren't allowed to board, though - the airline had a strict limit of two carrions.
We just had our first child Saturday evening. On Sunday, she fussed at me about making her laugh (because it hurt), so I agreed to limit myself to dad jokes. She was okay with this. She then asked for her slippers. As I'm putting them on her, I say "I'm not sure why they call them slippers, that's the last thing I'd want to do." Now I'm not allowed to tell dad jokes either.
I have been watching our 'tax payer funded' spaceman Major Tim Peake's intergalactic adventures with very limited interest and have done some some pretty basic arithmetic. The ISS is 250 miles above the Earth,and Tim and his spaceman mates took off at 11am -ish, and it took 7 hrs to get there. Fuck me that is just a little over 35 mph, my first car an mk1 escort would have got there quicker!
Which is probably why he got fired from his job at N.A.S.A.
but my parents told me the sky was the limit.
It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte.
And then everything crashed.
The computer was branded by apple, but it had very limited memory. It only had 1 byte and then everything crashed
But calculus is where I reached my limit.
I wanted to be an astronaut when I was a kid but my parents told me the sky was the limit
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything CRASHED.
It had extremely limited memory. Just one byte. Then everything crashed.
