Okay, seriously people, calm down. There's no need to tailgate me when I'm doing 120 mph, over twice the legal speed limit. Just pass me already.

Oh, and by the way, those flashing lights on top of your car look really stupid.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/acromantulus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Officer: "Don't you know the speed limit is 65 miles per hour?"

Me: "Yeah, but I wasn't going to be out that long."

πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Just witnessed a septic cleaning truck use the left lane for a right turn, using no signal, and then proceeded to drive 10 miles under the speed limit...

Turns out he was a shit driver..

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bluecaddy5000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend called me a square for always following the speed limit.

I told her that I was more like a circle, squares are too edgy for me.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sr_ChalupaBatman
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2018
🚨︎ report
State Police pulled me over for going 7 mph over the speed limit. He said he would let me off with a warning, though.

I said, "Thanks. You're a real trooper."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/anyeyeball
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2018
🚨︎ report
I am fluent in sign language

Stop, Speed Limit 30, No turn on red, Yield.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ItzPenguato
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do speed metal groups stand so far apart from each other on stage?

Because speed is limited by band width

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/acnine
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the Dole truck that crashed?

It was speeding down the interstate going 20 over the speed limit with a bunch of monkeys hanging off the side when suddenly it lost control and crashed, spilling the contents of it's trailer across all four lanes blocking traffic for hours.

It was bananas.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2018
🚨︎ report
When I taught my daughter how to drive the first lesson I taught her was to β€œDrive it like you stole it”

By which I mean safely and within the speed limit as not to draw the attention of the police.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/plmcalli
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2018
🚨︎ report
After passing this guy on our 16 hour family drive today,

My son in the back seat says; "Dad Waze shows the speed limit is 65mph but we are we are going faster than that. Are you breaking the law by speeding? I had to slow down to let my wife take this picture because I replied "It's all going to be ok, Nationwide is by our side!"

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/backwudsmodified
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2016
🚨︎ report
My dad never fails to amaze me with these.

Last night I was driving home and had a police officer following me. I tried my hardest to go the speed limit. As I was driving, I saw a wild turkey running towards the road. I slammed my breaks but still hit the turkey. The bird flipped over my car and hit the police officer behind me. The cop then turned on his siren and pulled me over. He gave me a ticket for flipping him the bird.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/goosygreg
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2014
🚨︎ report
"I always drive recklessly"

Me: "But Dad, you rarely go above the speed limit" Dad: "And I've been Wreck-less for years Me: ...

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Crazylegs704
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2016
🚨︎ report
One of my Dad's...

We'll be walking around town and we'll see somebody running or jogging, and he'll yell, "slow down! There's a speed limit on this road!"

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CoolSteveBrule
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2013
🚨︎ report
Every time we are on a road trip.

A car will pass us going well over the speed limit my father cannot help himself.

"Hey kids there goes our speeding ticket!"

*groans

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/potatodavid
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2013
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.