The sky’s the limit
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toe-knail
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
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I went to the hardware store with a friend and the store had pallets of soil, seed, and fertilizer out front. We both stopped and looked at one of the pallets stacked high with bags of dried steer manure. The sign said, "Strict limit 2 per customer."

My friend looked at me and said, "I guess there's only so much shit you can take."

True story.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ObiWanKaDaddy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
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I've had it with speed limits...

I'm putting my foot down.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
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The skipper of a 40 ton trawler which ran aground in Hull during the early hours of Sunday was reported to be 6 times over the legal limit for sailing. Authorities said they had no idea what to do with a drunken sailor early in the morning.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/S0n0fRuss
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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I stopped walking on coal to limit my carbon footprint
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dutch_Midget
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
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What do you call a lycanthrope who knows their limits?

Aware wolf.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kiltebeest
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
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My dad used to say "the sky's the limit"

Which is probably why he got fired from his job at N.A.S.A.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flippantteacup
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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Okay, seriously people, calm down. There's no need to tailgate me when I'm doing 120 mph, over twice the legal speed limit. Just pass me already.

Oh, and by the way, those flashing lights on top of your car look really stupid.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/acromantulus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
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Officer: "Don't you know the speed limit is 65 miles per hour?"

Me: "Yeah, but I wasn't going to be out that long."

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
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My parents always told me I can be anything I wanted, the sky's the limit

This made me sad because I wanted to be an astronaut.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
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Are short puns off limit?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/C0deNerd
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
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Did you know there is a limit of 239 beans in a can of beans?

Adding 1 more would make it 2 farty

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deebo305
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
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When I was growing up, my dad always used to tell me, β€œThe Sky’s the Limit!”

He was never supportive of my dreams of becoming an astronaut.

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
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Just witnessed a septic cleaning truck use the left lane for a right turn, using no signal, and then proceeded to drive 10 miles under the speed limit...

Turns out he was a shit driver..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bluecaddy5000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
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I've invented a game where avocados appear randomly and you have to smash as many as possible within the time limit

I'm calling it Guac-a-Mole

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sup3rjaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
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I didn't think my anatomy teacher would push me to the limit.

He sure showed me what I was made of.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
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When I was a kid, they told "The Skies the limit!" - Jokes on them.

I'm an astronaut.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/phlux
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2019
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I'm bad at math. I love it, but I know my limits.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mahhvin
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2018
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My girlfriend called me a square for always following the speed limit.

I told her that I was more like a circle, squares are too edgy for me.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sr_ChalupaBatman
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2018
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State Police pulled me over for going 7 mph over the speed limit. He said he would let me off with a warning, though.

I said, "Thanks. You're a real trooper."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anyeyeball
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2018
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My girlfriend just asked me to guess the credit limit on her new card.

Me: "$4000?"

Her: "Higher."

Me: "$5000?"

Her: points up

Me: "$8000?"

Her: "No, the one above $5000."

Me: "$5001?!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PGZ4sheezy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2017
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My dad always used to say, "The sky's the limit!"

Which is probably why he got fired from his job at N.A.S.A.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2017
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