I went to the hardware store with a friend and the store had pallets of soil, seed, and fertilizer out front. We both stopped and looked at one of the pallets stacked high with bags of dried steer manure. The sign said, "Strict limit 2 per customer."
My friend looked at me and said, "I guess there's only so much shit you can take."
True story.
I've had it with speed limits...
I'm putting my foot down.
The skipper of a 40 ton trawler which ran aground in Hull during the early hours of Sunday was reported to be 6 times over the legal limit for sailing. Authorities said they had no idea what to do with a drunken sailor early in the morning.
I stopped walking on coal to limit my carbon footprint
What do you call a lycanthrope who knows their limits?
My dad used to say "the sky's the limit"
Which is probably why he got fired from his job at N.A.S.A.
Okay, seriously people, calm down. There's no need to tailgate me when I'm doing 120 mph, over twice the legal speed limit. Just pass me already.
Oh, and by the way, those flashing lights on top of your car look really stupid.
Officer: "Don't you know the speed limit is 65 miles per hour?"
Me: "Yeah, but I wasn't going to be out that long."
My parents always told me I can be anything I wanted, the sky's the limit
This made me sad because I wanted to be an astronaut.
Are short puns off limit?
Did you know there is a limit of 239 beans in a can of beans?
Adding 1 more would make it 2 farty
When I was growing up, my dad always used to tell me, “The Sky’s the Limit!”
He was never supportive of my dreams of becoming an astronaut.
Just witnessed a septic cleaning truck use the left lane for a right turn, using no signal, and then proceeded to drive 10 miles under the speed limit...
Turns out he was a shit driver..
I've invented a game where avocados appear randomly and you have to smash as many as possible within the time limit
I'm calling it Guac-a-Mole
I didn't think my anatomy teacher would push me to the limit.
He sure showed me what I was made of.
When I was a kid, they told "The Skies the limit!" - Jokes on them.
I'm bad at math. I love it, but I know my limits.
My girlfriend called me a square for always following the speed limit.
I told her that I was more like a circle, squares are too edgy for me.
State Police pulled me over for going 7 mph over the speed limit. He said he would let me off with a warning, though.
I said, "Thanks. You're a real trooper."
My girlfriend just asked me to guess the credit limit on her new card.
Me: "$4000?"
Her: "Higher."
Me: "$5000?"
Her: points up
Me: "$8000?"
Her: "No, the one above $5000."
Me: "$5001?!"
My dad always used to say, "The sky's the limit!"
Which is probably why he got fired from his job at N.A.S.A.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
