Had to buy new clippers to trim my beard

The old one just didn’t cut it anymore

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πŸ‘€︎ u/seab1023
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
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Had to Buy Some Nail Clippers

I went to the convenience store on my college campus because I needed to get some nail clippers. A girl I knew walked in and this exchange was had after we had started talking:

Me: The only good clippers they had were in this pack with this other body care stuff, do you want any of it?

Girl: Sure, but those are toenail clippers. There are some fingernail clippers over there (very small ones).

Me: I have very thick nails, so those won't cut it.

The look she gave me told me how close she was to groaning.

Edit: Spelling

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ntblt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2014
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My dad asked me to get him some fingernail clippers, and after he was done using them...

Dad: Hey, put these back where you found them.

Me: Okay, toss 'em

Dad: tosses the clippers to the right, into the fireplace

Me: W-What the heck, Dad?!

Dad: You didn't say to toss them to you

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πŸ‘€︎ u/funbrand
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2015
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/u/DaftYao asks for pictures of hair length examples from different clipper guards. /u/815josh complies.


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πŸ‘€︎ u/TuskenRaiders
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2014
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Metal Music Joke

What do you call a rock band that hates nail clippers?

Nine-Inch Nails.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WatchOutItsAdam
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18
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My boyfriend sent me into the living room because he was hot and wanted a lighter blanket for the bed

I came back with a bic and a clipper and said "I could only find two of these, and I don't think they'll make a very large blanket".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trekkie4life618
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2017
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I just Dad Joked myself. I'm ashamed

This all mainly involves my actions and thinking to myself.

So I'm cutting my nails with clippers, the clipping seem to travel at a pretty high velocity then cut.

anyway, at one moment I had the clippers facing away from me, meaning my nails were pointing at me. When I cut, the clipping flew up and hit me on the eyelid, felt very close to going in.

That's when I thought:

"Shit, I almost nailed myself in the eye"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/frecklejam
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2015
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I'd be surprised if this is a re-post

My soccer inflicted ingrown toenail has been giving me serious grief, exasperated by an infection. Swollen, purple and painful, my wife told me I needed to buy an expensive set of nail scissors and clippers to trimming down the offending nail.

I replied with "For toepiary?"

I think i must have failed in the telling of my 'dadjoke'. She did NOT roll her eyes but actually laughed!

I guess the journey is long in this game.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toocents
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2016
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