While waiting in the lobby of a Chinese restaurant, Don was admiring a painting on the wall of a Chinese sailing vessel and said to his friend Mike: β€œIsn’t that a great looking ship?” Mike replied:

β€œIt’s junk”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bardbelle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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need a punny name for a sailing ship, winter/ice related
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MissingFrames
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
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My ship was sailing North but then it suddenly veered West and hit another ship...

It was an occident, I swear!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gssn-nospace
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
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Who has the best place on a sailing ship?

The mast, because it has the pole-position.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrazyK1w1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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I've started a boat building business in my attic...

...sails are going through the roof.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xholdsteadyx
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
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No more Suez Canal jokes!

That ship has sailed.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JhopkinsWA
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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I asked my Dad why he decided to buy a boat?

He said "There was a sail."

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_PoodlePants
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
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A pirate walks in a bar with a peg leg, a hook for a hand and an eyepatch

The bar tender says β€œwow how’d you get that peg leg?” The pirate says one day I was out sailing and a shark jumped aboard and tore it clean off” next the bartender asks β€œand the hook? How’d you get that?” The pirate responds β€œwell we were out whaling and one leapt out of the water and bit my hand clean off” the bartender then asks, β€œok so what about the eyepatch??” The pirate responds β€œI was out walking on the deck of my ship when I looked up and a seagull shit right in my eye” the bartender is a bit confused and says β€œthat made you lose your eye?” β€œNo” says the pirate β€œit was my first day with the hook!”

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2021
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I bought a sail for my boat on Amazon the other day.

Today it dawned on me that it's not the right size so I called to cancel. They said it's too late.

That sail has shipped.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfowler11
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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I used to be a fan of boats...

But that ship has sailed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OhTheComedy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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I wanted to make a Columbus Day joke but I’m a day late.

Guess that ship has sailed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chrisoatkins
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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A captain and his crew. (Hopefully hasn’t been posted before lol)

Once upon a time there was a pirate captain who was the most amazing best captain a crew could ever ask for. His crew loved him more than anything and would do absolutely anything for him.

One day as they were sailing, a crew member In the crows nest shouts, β€œone ship off the port side!” Immediately the captain yells at his crew, β€œMen! Bring me my red shirt!”

Slightly confused, the men hesitate for a second and then hurry off to bring the captain his red shirt. Amazingly they win the battle!

The men are so happy and thankful their captain brought them safely through the battle they don’t even care why the captain wanted his red shirt.

A few months of sailing some more, again the man in the crows nest yells, β€œTwo ships off the port side!” Quickly the captain screams, β€œMen! Bring me my red shirt!” The crew doesn’t hesitate this time to get him his red shirt and what do you know? They win this battle too!!

The crew is astounded at their captains awesomeness!!! They honestly could not find anyone better. This time though the crew stops a moment and asks the captain, β€œWhy do you always have us bring you your red shirt?”

The captain replies, β€œWell men, if I get stabbed the blood will blend into my red shirt and it will look like I’m not hurt so that you will all fight as hard as if I were still alive.”

The men can’t believe what they hear! How could they be so lucky as to have a captain so incredibly smart and courageous??!!

Two seconds later, β€œTWENTY SEVEN SHIPS OFF THE PORT SIDE!!!!!!!”

Calmly, with an even tone, the captain says, β€œMen, bring me my brown pants.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RecTym
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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Did you know you can wear any boat as a hat?

You just turn it over and it's capsized

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TehSniper
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2017
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Pirates found a trove of treasure and brought four chests aboard...

They put them in the hold and, as it was fair weather, didn't strap them down.

However, as they sailed on, they hit a storm, the ship knocked back and forth.

The captain went down to check on the treasure to find it sliding around the deck.

As a crewman asked how bad it was, the captain replied...

"Booty! Booty! Booty! Booty! Rocking everywhere!"

[This is probably my worst joke yet]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
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The story of Captain Bravado

A long time ago, a pirate, named Captain Bravado, was sailing the sea with his fellow pirate friends.

One day, as he was sailing the sea, an enemy ship approched. His crew was really nervous.

He said: "Bring me my red shirt!"

The first man who heard the order got him his red shirt. They went to war and killed all the enemy pirates. That night, his crew asked why he wanted a red shirt.

He said: "If I had been hit during the fight, you wouldn't have seen my blood."

All his men were looking at him with admiration. The next day, at dawn, 10 ships approched Captain Bravado's vessel. His men were horrified. They were waiting for his order.

He said: "Bring me my brown pants !"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RandomGuyNumber1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2018
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my manager got me with a dad joke, so i retaliated with another

Me: "where is the nearest Argos?" Man.: "i don't know, should be easy to find though just look for the tall ship"

Me: "what? Tall ship?" Man.: "yeah! Well it is a pirates favourite shop!!"

head hits desk

Man.: smirking to himself "why do you need one anyway?" Me: slowly raises head smiling "they're doing a really great sail!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dexmonster92
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2016
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Canadian Prime Minister dad jokes in an official statement about finding ship that disappeared 160 years ago

"Finding the first vessel will no doubt provide the momentum - or wind in our sails - necessary to locate its sister ship and find out even more about what happened to the Franklin Expedition's crew."

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-29131757

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAmNotScottBakula
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2014
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It’s too late to make Suez Canal jokes now

That ship has sailed

πŸ‘︎ 161
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TylerTechNZ
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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No more Suez Canal jokes.

That ship has sailed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
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Can I still make a Suez Canal joke?

Or has that ship sailed?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jxf
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
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