What vessels sail the waters of the Chinese internet?

Censorships.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brixenaru
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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Had to have blood taken today. Staff tried to put needle in but didn't go into the blood vessel.

So since it didn't go in the vein, it was in vain

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kishenoy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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Pirates of yore would get a treasure chest off a looted vessel and often hear voices coming from the chest saying "yoo hoo!"

It was the booty calls.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
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While waiting in the lobby of a Chinese restaurant, Don was admiring a painting on the wall of a Chinese sailing vessel and said to his friend Mike: β€œIsn’t that a great looking ship?” Mike replied:

β€œIt’s junk”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bardbelle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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Why do the Norwegians put barcodes on their military vessels?

So when they get back they can Scandinavian

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_RivenRoth_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
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What do you call a sturdy Chinese vessel in the physical plane?

A good real asian ship.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kie723
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power

A Megalovieniac

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlbinoYoshi7
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
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Did you know that if you took all of your blood vessels and laid them out end to end...

you'd die?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hardonpotter6969
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
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Did you hear the one about the two blood vessels?

...they loved in vein.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MacDuffy_1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
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What do you call a dog on an underwater vessel?

A subwoofer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/angelfishgod
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2018
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What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?

The Captain's Log

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DangerASA
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2018
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Went on a diving trip with strangers and found a sunken vessel. We're all pitching in to salvage and rebuild it.

I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2018
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Did you hear about the Latino boy whose father works happily on a military vessel?

He has a feliz navy dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notBjoern
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2015
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Why do US Navy vessels keep crashing?

Because America has no sensor ship.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phreakinpher
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2017
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Breaking news, Ai WeiWei's million dollar vessel broken.

Jar dropping news.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheWhaleMan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2014
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I failed my medical school entrance exam last week, thanks to nerves.

The correct answer was blood vessels.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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I recently failed my Medical College entrance exam because of nerves.

The correct answer was blood vessels.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
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My son asked me why our sailboat is named Blood

I yelled back, because it’s bloody vessel!

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
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A brain aneurysm would be swell.

And brain aneurysm is a ruptured blood vessel. It sweeps up and bursts. So, it would be swell, as in a swelling. And it would be swell as in terrific & welcomed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lapret
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
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A man, adrift at sea in his kayak, was running low on supplies

As the sky darkened, he started to get worried about the cold. Rummaging through his supplies, he realized he had just enough to build a small fire. The man did accomplish his goal, but just as the fire started to grow, it sank his vessel, and the man drowned.

I guess the old saying holds true; you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
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The story of Captain Bravado

A long time ago, a pirate, named Captain Bravado, was sailing the sea with his fellow pirate friends.

One day, as he was sailing the sea, an enemy ship approched. His crew was really nervous.

He said: "Bring me my red shirt!"

The first man who heard the order got him his red shirt. They went to war and killed all the enemy pirates. That night, his crew asked why he wanted a red shirt.

He said: "If I had been hit during the fight, you wouldn't have seen my blood."

All his men were looking at him with admiration. The next day, at dawn, 10 ships approched Captain Bravado's vessel. His men were horrified. They were waiting for his order.

He said: "Bring me my brown pants !"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RandomGuyNumber1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2018
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What do you call a lame boat?

Not a cool vessel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/richrawl
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2017
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Did you know that an alternate version of the Harry Potter story exists where he is never a wizard?

In that version, Harry is a simpleton stable boy who assists Hagrid in repairing hollow straw vessels that Hagrid makes as a hobby, but which are bound to break pretty quick. So he's basically a hay re-potter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLastJoe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
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[hustle]

At the end of a long season; two fishing companies got caught up over the last catching nets to supply ingredients to Hog Island's famous chowder... the legendary bustle was later known as the "mussel vessel hustle tussle"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sarah_Connor
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2017
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Dadjoked by NPR this morning

The voice on the radio explained how collecting rainwater was catching on in environmental groups. Some people upgraded from a 55 gallon barrel to a 500 gallon vessel. Shows that water vessels can be a real gateway jug.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crciv
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2016
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When asking about food..

Dad: What do you want me to bring you?

Me: How about some Firehouse Subs?

Dad: I didn't know they sold naval vessels!

He's still laughing

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yoiny
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2014
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Canadian Prime Minister dad jokes in an official statement about finding ship that disappeared 160 years ago

"Finding the first vessel will no doubt provide the momentum - or wind in our sails - necessary to locate its sister ship and find out even more about what happened to the Franklin Expedition's crew."

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-29131757

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAmNotScottBakula
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2014
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