I bought a sail for my boat on Amazon the other day.

Today it dawned on me that it's not the right size so I called to cancel. They said it's too late.

That sail has shipped.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfowler11
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
🚨︎ report
What vessels sail the waters of the Chinese internet?

Censorships.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brixenaru
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
The Titanic II is a modern-day replica of the RMS Titanic and is scheduled to set sail in 2022. It's creators do not believe it will relive the tragedy of it's predecessor because

that was an ice-olated incident.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wmd1234
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
TIL: A thousand years ago, a group of Russian explorers tried to sail into Alaska, but failed.

They couldn’t get their Bering Strait.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I know a lady called Sue who makes sails.

Genoa ?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/leprechaun_disco
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Some years after the flood, Noah wanted to sail again

Unfortunately, he didn't remember where he arked.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ewormPL
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Tech tip: It’s dangerous to download β€œCome Sail Away” or β€œSatisfaction” on ITunes. β€œTurn, Turn, Turn” is perfectly fine however.

Styx and Stones may break your phones, but the Byrds will never hurt you.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Ropes were invented by boat companies to raise sails
πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jakeaboy123
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pirate who set sail over 12 hours ago?

Long Gone Silver

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AScotHasNoName
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Hopefully I can still sail on it.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LiamGTodMoc
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
All of these are for sail
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevincredible22
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2017
🚨︎ report
I won't loose the sails captain!

I will knot!

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arklaw
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife got so teary-eyed you can probably sail a boat in her eyelids

Quite the crises

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
🚨︎ report
When did the captain want to set sail?

schooner rather than freighter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotbuttbiscuit
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2017
🚨︎ report
The skipper of a 40 ton trawler which ran aground in Hull during the early hours of Sunday was reported to be 6 times over the legal limit for sailing. Authorities said they had no idea what to do with a drunken sailor early in the morning.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/S0n0fRuss
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
While sailing across the ocean, the night watchman saw a dark shape in the distance. He called the First Mate, who also couldn't tell what it was. So he called the Captain. "I can't tell either," he said. "Fetch me an obstetrician."

The obstetrician came to the bridge, squinted into the night and said:

"Congratulations, Captain. It's a buoy!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thesmartass1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My best friend quit sailing recently

Not long after, he took up drowning

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Where do sopranos go sailing?

The high C’s

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Burger_k1ng
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
While waiting in the lobby of a Chinese restaurant, Don was admiring a painting on the wall of a Chinese sailing vessel and said to his friend Mike: β€œIsn’t that a great looking ship?” Mike replied:

β€œIt’s junk”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bardbelle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I've started a boating business from my attic.

The sails are going through the roof.

πŸ‘︎ 257
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought a boat half price...

It was on sail.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
It was easy to justify buying a new boat

There was a big sail.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PicaRuler
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...

I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw a drunk dude riding in a boat on the chests of four women with average bust size, one of whom had a single mastectomy.

He was sailing on the seven C’s

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πŸ‘€︎ u/serialcompliment
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to take my dog sailing, but he wouldn't go.

As it turns out, my dog has his own barque.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My ship was sailing North but then it suddenly veered West and hit another ship...

It was an occident, I swear!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gssn-nospace
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the opera singer go sailing?

They wanted to hit the high Cs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My grandfather used to wake up very early every morning to go sailing.

When I asked him why so early, he replied with "the schooner, the better!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/armlesshobo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?

The mast, because it has the pole-position.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrazyK1w1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
need a punny name for a sailing ship, winter/ice related
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MissingFrames
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
🚨︎ report
I wanted to make a Columbus Day joke but I’m a day late.

Guess that ship has sailed.

πŸ‘︎ 88
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chrisoatkins
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull...

It's just a berth mark, he swears.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is there no Jedi Navy?

Sailing is a path to the dockside

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jburn09
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
You can say plain sailing, but you can't say boat flying.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CMDRShamx
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
🚨︎ report
If I could describe my time sailing...

It would be swell

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jbneumann13
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I used to be a fan of boats...

But that ship has sailed.

πŸ‘︎ 109
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OhTheComedy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a friend who owns a yachting business, but had to work from home due to the pandemic...

Now his sails are through the roof.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DNDLoser07
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A couple of my favourites...

Why do Swedish warships have barcodes one them? So that when they dock, they can Scandinavian.

And then these work as a one-two punch:

I started a business building yachts from home...sails have been going through the roof.

And before that I had a business clearing the fallen leaves from people's backyards. I was raking it in.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tel-aran-rhiod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
They refused to hire the boat assassin to be the face of the company

They had a feeling he'd be a sails killer

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trevhaar
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend who worked at an orange soda factory said they had small boats in thier factory

I heard they go sailing on the hi-c's

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gnar_owl
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I got arrested while sailing the other day because I dropped anchor on a fish.

I told the police it was an accident, but they said it was on porpoise.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mfitzy87
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm sailing on the Mediterranean right now and I see storm clouds to the south.

I guess the rain's down in Africa.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ridley_Himself
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2019
🚨︎ report
When is the best time to go sailing?

Windsday

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cavemanku
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2018
🚨︎ report
If Al Pacino owned & sailed his own boat, he would be...

Cap Pacino

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who got lost sailing from Marin County to Catalina Island?

He left his chart in San Francisco.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eroe777
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Started a business building Yachts at home during the Lockdown..

..and the Sails have gone through the roof.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Tech tip: It’s dangerous to download β€œCome Sail Away” or β€œSatisfaction”. It’s perfectly safe to download β€œTurn, Turn, Turn”

Styx and Stones may break your phones, but Byrds will never hurt you.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I started a boating business in my attic..

Sails are through the roof.

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GigaMike123
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the opera singer go sailing?

They wanted to hit the high Cs.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/krystx57
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
🚨︎ report

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