Whats it like working on a cruise ship?

It has it's ups and downs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/airhogg
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23
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My friend said we are cancelling the cruise

I said β€œknot on my watch!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roofy45
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
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I ask my friends if they wanted to go on a cruise this summer.

They were all on board.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kilokiilo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
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I just bought a cruise vacation!

Couldn't help it. It was too good of a sail.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Isntitabouttime69
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10
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What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?

Leeks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlobbyChong
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
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Did you hear about the cruise ship that got stuck in the Panama Canal with dead people aboard?

They're in a die-er strait.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01
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What do potheads like drink while on cruise ships?

Hi-C

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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10
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My wife is nervous about having to talk to strangers on a cruise we are about to take.

I said, β€œDon’t worry. We are all in the same boat.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
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I just read that the Carnival cruise ship "Glory" crashed into the Carnival cruise ship "Legend"

It left a legendary glory hull

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TimeRocker
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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Ad by a Scandinavia cruise ship
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
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What is the best kind of joke to tell on a cruise ship?

A one liner.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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Tom Cruise is minute.

That's what I named my pet Amphibian.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/orduk
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
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My wife was worried about meeting new people on our upcoming cruise.

I said β€œDon’t worry we’ll all be in the same boat”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dave11899
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
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My flat-earth cruise to Antarctica was cancelled

It was disappointing, but not the end of the world.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/prepper5
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
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What is it called when a bunch of carpenters and masons on the cruise?

Craftmanship

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SkyStar1991
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
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A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly. "Captain," one of the passenger asks, "who is that man over there?"

"I have no idea," the captain says, "but he goes nuts every year when we pass him."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
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I took a group of flat-earthers on a cruise all the way around Antarctica...

they were disappointed, but it wasn’t the end of the world.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/prepper5
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
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My mate secretly booked a cruise for me in the world's longest river.

I'm completely in the Nile.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/traveller_i
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
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Why can Tom Cruise never lose?

Because Submission impossible

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πŸ‘€︎ u/memes_live
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
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If Tom Cruise and Terry Crews sold tickets for a meet and greet on a Ship headed for Mexico, they'd advertise the Cruise-Crews Cruise to Veracruz.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Tamassran_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2018
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If Tom Cruise owned a liquor company

Would it be a Whiskey Business?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckwheat202
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
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I was so happy when my toddler reached out and tried to touch Tom Cruise.

He's already reaching for the stars.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
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My friend met the love of his life when the were both vomiting overboard after a rhinovirus hit their cruise ship...

It was a match made in heaving!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
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Apple have cancelled thier planned cruise ship, the iTanic.

Apparently it kept synching when docked

Edit: I know spelling of 'their' is wrong. Cannot be changed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAMBiSH
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2017
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My wife was nervous about meeting new people on our cruise.

I said, β€œDon’t worry, we are all in the same boat.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
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Saw what appeared to be the captain of our cruise ship at dinner

While on a cruise a few months ago, my wife, another couple and I were eating dinner in one of the fancier restaurants. We saw someone in uniform (who looked like the captain) eating dinner with a few others nearby.

Our friend asked "if that's the captain, then who's driving the boat?"

My response, "it's fine, he's got it on cruise control"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSobernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
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Did you hear about the new tomato soup and crackers movie starring Tom Cruise?

It’s called Bisquey Ritzness

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πŸ‘€︎ u/changhaobyu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
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Our room number on the cruise was U2

We still haven’t found what we’re looking for

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dezidogger
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
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Eating on a cruise with my gf...

A bunch of kids were in the dining hall at the windows yelling about dolphins outside the ship, they were super excited; it's all they talked about and all they did.

I looked at my gf and said, "you'd think these kids' lives lacked any porpoise..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Master_Qief
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2018
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I was on an amazing cruise, eating dinner on the deck looking out over the water when I dropped my silverware off the edge and into the ocean.

It was un-fork-getable.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/this_is_grand
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
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It was silly of Tom Cruise to put his best pistol on the highest shelf

He’s too short to reach the top gun

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RoyTheShip
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2018
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Did you hear about the red cruise ship and blue cruise ship that collided in the Caribbean?

The survivors were marooned.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kailebeverettart
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2018
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Talking to a friend about a recent cruise.

Me: We visited one of those Caribbean islands where people talk a bit funny and say "mon" a lot.

Friend: Jamaica?

Me: Nah, it was her idea!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2018
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Did you hear about the wine enthusiasts atttacking a cruise ship recently...?

....I heard they were sommelier pirates!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ultra-saurus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2016
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As a dyslexic, having autocorrect is both a blessing and a cruise.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoctorSpurlock
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2014
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Today I found out I won a free cruise.

All I have to do is pay for shipping.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/skeeterthecat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2017
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Uncle took an Alaskan cruise. Asked how it was to see the Northern Lights

He said, β€œit gave me chills”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hutimuti
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2018
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Tom Cruise
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HoneyDune
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2014
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Have you seen the new Tom Cruise movie where he plays an Italian chef?

Mission ImPASTAble

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nick-lachey-lol
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2017
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What do you call a group of comedians standing on the front of a cruise ship?

A deck of cards.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2017
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True story: my dad is on a cruise and sent me a picture of him next to Ernest Hemingway's son. my reply...

Looks like two old men in the sea

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jtoeman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2018
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My family is going on a cruise.

The first thing my dad said when we stepped on deck was "it smells like ship in here"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ablack82
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2016
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I once went on a maiden voyage on a cruise ship...

Five minutes later the voyage was no longer a maiden, and I am no longer welcome on the ocean.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ratboid314
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2017
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I can't believe how much they're charging me for a dinner cruise in Paris...

It's in Seine

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dasiba
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2017
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What did the assailant say right before stabbing a group of comedians gathered on the front of a cruise ship?

Watch me cut this deck of cards.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2017
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My friends and I got off a cruise...

My friends and I just got off our cruise ship after a week long cruise. There were 2 lines to get through customs and are ended up moving a lot faster so I leaned over and said "Looks like we got lucky and got the line thats really cruising." I dont think wel be going on vacation together again.

Source: real story...am a dad.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2015
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I'd like to go on a Scandinavian river cruise

But there's Norway I could affjord it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Para11axis
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2016
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I went on a cruise with my family last week.

On the first day of the cruise, we were required to attend an emergency drill called a "muster drill." The crew members that demonstrate the steps for us to take are called "musters."

My uncle asked the muster, "So what do you do when you're not a muster?"

My grandfather replied for her with, "She's a ketchup!"

All the dads in the room chuckled.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CarlQueenston
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2013
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Tom Cruise engaged

I'm driving to Fargo with my dad and brother when this happens.

Dad: Tom Cruise just got engaged again.

Me: Really? To who?

Dad: I don't know...the dashboard says "Cruise engaged."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Portal2theFloor
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2015
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JUNGLE CRUISE at Disneyland (full of dad jokes)

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9WFfHMwo_Lg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ludacris6901
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2015
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My dad talking about our cruise to Alaska

My mom suggested that we do a five night cruise, so of course my dad responded, "I'm on board!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/doctorflash
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2014
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Dad joke on a scenic cruise

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?

About half way.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aufwachen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2014
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Jungle Cruise @ Disneyland

The ride is just a 10 minute string of Dad Jokes...

[referring to the head hunter]: "That's Charlie, the head salesman. This month he's offering a 2 for 1 special... you'll come out a head"

[referring to the piranhas in the river]: "Those are man-eating piranhas, so the women and children don't have much to worry about"

Any others? Sooo many....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/__Sisyphus__
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2014
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We were talking about norovirus outbreaks on Carnival cruises at dinner

My dad says, "That's why it's important to keep it in ship shape".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MCMXChris
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2014
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My wife was so nervous about meeting other people on our cruise.

I said, β€œDon’t worry, we are all in the same boat.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kailebeverettart
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2018
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