I thought "That's a lil condescending"
As the engine sputters and shuts down the woman driving the car steers toward a nearby driveway and honks the horn hoping to get the attention of a guy herding cattle in the distance. Sure enough within a minute the man has ridden his horse over to her. He dismounts and gives a happy “Hello! Sounds like you’re having some car trouble. Can I help at all?” The woman replies that she’s not sure what happened but that she would love some help. They pop the hood and the man says he thinks he can fix the problem but has to run back to his barn to get some tools. The cows have come to see what’s going on and as the farmer gets ready to leave he says “Don’t worry about your car. I’ll have it running in a few minutes. Just head over there to the shade of the tree by the fence. The cows are all friendly. Bessy there likes to have her ear rubbed, Albert likes to look at people, and Mare will just moo a grand ole tune.” All of it is true and within 20 minutes the woman is happily sitting in her car with the engine running better than before. “Thank you so much, you’re a life saver,” she says. The man smiles and lets out a big laugh before saying “I’m glad I could help. But I’m no life saver. I’m just a jolly rancher.”
If my bus driver doesn’t speed up, I’ll be late for work.
A Scholarship.
It's an exclusive member ship.
guess it was a pretty good relation-ship
please don't execute me
Die Firma
Whiskey Business
Now all I have are Kenny Loggins.
It has it's ups and downs
I said, “Don’t worry. We are all in the same boat.”
Leeks.
I said “knot on my watch!”
Couldn't help it. It was too good of a sail.
They were all on board.
They're in a die-er strait.
It was disappointing, but not the end of the world.
It left a legendary glory hull
I said “Don’t worry we’ll all be in the same boat”
A one liner.
Craftmanship
That's what I named my pet Amphibian.
"I have no idea," the captain says, "but he goes nuts every year when we pass him."
Apparently it kept synching when docked
Edit: I know spelling of 'their' is wrong. Cannot be changed.
they were disappointed, but it wasn’t the end of the world.
I'm completely in the Nile.
Because Submission impossible
I was on the Crews' crew's crew cruise crew.
It was a match made in heaving!
Still one of my best so here's the set up.
I take my wife on a cruise for her birthday. Each night during dinner they have a section of things you would not normally try but you're on a cruise so try it. Anyway one night they had braised ox tongue. So I order it and get a side eye from the wife while doing so. It arrives and I had correctly anticipated her question. Anyway here's the conversation...
Braised ox tongue appetizer is set before me. I cut a small piece and put in it my mouth and begin to chew.
Wife: Well, how is it?!?
Me: (slowly looking up) it's... tasty.
W: Did you really order that just to make that joke?
Me: yes, yes I did.
In all actuality it was quite good.
He's already reaching for the stars.
It’s called Bisquey Ritzness
While on a cruise a few months ago, my wife, another couple and I were eating dinner in one of the fancier restaurants. We saw someone in uniform (who looked like the captain) eating dinner with a few others nearby.
Our friend asked "if that's the captain, then who's driving the boat?"
My response, "it's fine, he's got it on cruise control"
We still haven’t found what we’re looking for
Die Firma
Would it be a Whiskey Business?
I said, “Don’t worry, we are all in the same boat.”
