This is going to be the first year that I haven't taken a vacation in Paris, because of the pandemic.

Usually it is due to lack of money

πŸ‘︎ 126
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RDRC
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
Where do murderers go on vacation?

The Bahama-cides

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CapDonkey
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
I went on a once in a lifetime vacation

Never again

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
🚨︎ report
Telling your suitcase there's no vacation this year can be tough

Emotional baggage is the worst

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/elch3w
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
My wife and I can never agree on vacations

I want to go to exotic islands and stay in 5 star hotels. She wants to come with me

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 13
🚨︎ report
I was tricked into buying an ill-fitting shirt while on vacation in a city in France.

It was Toulouse.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kilokiilo
πŸ“…︎ May 04
🚨︎ report
I just told my suitcase that there will be no vacation this year, it sucks!

Emotional baggage is the worst!

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/midy-dk
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
Told my suitcase we could not go on vacation this year

As I'm looking at my empty suitcase I thought it looked sad... Then I thought "great... Now I have emotional baggage!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BelgianRoo
πŸ“…︎ May 10
🚨︎ report
My wife took a vacation day to carry her pet lizard around town in her handbag...

It's a purse anole day for her.

Credit: Brevity by Dan Thompson for May 02, 2020

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 02
🚨︎ report
Where did the swimmer pack everything for his vacation?

In his trunks!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
I am thinking of going Australia for a vacation

But will I get laid if I visit Adelaid?

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rumble_ftw
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07
🚨︎ report
I just bought a cruise vacation!

Couldn't help it. It was too good of a sail.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Isntitabouttime69
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10
🚨︎ report
My friend Wat never gains weight on vacation

Wat goes a round, comes a round

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jpereira73
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14
🚨︎ report
Where do crayons go for vacation?

Colorado.

(My 8 year old just made it up)

Edit: Thank you for the gilding, she's super happy about this all. You folks are too kind.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Megaseth
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Hey boss, I've been thinking about my next vacation. Boss: Oh?

Ya. I'm thinking of taking the rest of the year off

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/transformermike
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
Dad:Hey kids! We are going on vacation to East York, PA. Again This year!

Kids: aww again?

Dad: yeah, I always like taking a trip down memory lane.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
🚨︎ report
What's a cockroaches favorite place to vacation?

Budapest

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSFG832
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
Why did the Pirate take a vacation?

Because he desperately needed some ARRR and ARRRRRRRR!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do beekeepers stay on vacation?

Air bee and bee.

πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What is an elephant's favorite place to vacation?

TUSKany

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm not sure if my wife would be okay with traveling outside the 48 contiguous states for our vacation

but Alaska.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cloud9ineteen
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are mummys scared of vacation?

They're afraid to unwind.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I just got back from a vacation in sanfrancisco.

The trip was up and down.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LeonneRose
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Away on vacation and got the card to our hotel room. Told my wife: β€œ nice we’re staying in the pie room.”

β€œWhat’s a pie room?” she replies, Room 314. We’re staying in room 314. Should have seen the look on her face.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ArtisansCritic
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Why doesn’t a mummy ever take a vacation?

He’s worried he will relax and unwind.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do pigs love to go on vacation?

Mi-Hami

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alphaw0lf212
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the woman who went on vacation and got bit by a shark?

Her trip cost her an arm and a leg.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PurpelBananas
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I stopped by a monastery while I was out in Wales for vacation and saw a monk selling chips out front. So I asked him "are you the Friar?"

He slowly looked up at me, smiled warmly and responded "No sir, I am the chip monk."

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I was told punpatrol is on vacation
πŸ‘︎ 85
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-_-STRANGER-_-
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
🚨︎ report
For their 50th anniversary, my parents went on vacation, but unfortunately, my dad got really ill. When they got back, I asked, "Dad, what made you so sick in Hawaii?" He laughed and said...

"Poi, son."

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife was disappointed when I told her our vacation was going camping

"But you said that this trip would be exciting." She said,

I replied, "Correction, I said that it would be In-tents."

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the pirate go on vacation?

He needed a little ARRR and ARRR

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eleece
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report
One of the things my roommate packed for our vacation
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cocky_Balboa
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What does Matthew McConaughey wear on vacation in Miami?

All white, all white, all white!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gasstationradio
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I didn't enjoy my vacation to Bali.

It was Seminyuck.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lolmower
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Summer vacation ends early for my kids

Ever since I came into my wife’s kids’ lives (6 and 9 at the time) I would tell them at 2:45 the Friday before schools started next week β€œsummer vacation is over. It’s just a weekend now.” Now I have my own 1st grader as the other two are off to college. The cycle begins anew.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SPEEDYTBC
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
In Hawaii on vacation

My wife and daughters are wearing the sarongs they got yesterday. I don't have one. It's sarong.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/brentfield
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I returned from vacation sporting a full face beard. My students all tell me I look like Thor. I admit I was expecting a more Loki response.

I guess you could say I never Thor it coming.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DiamondLlama
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Where did the crayon go for vacation?

Colorado

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/walter923
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a friend who went to Dubai for vacation. I asked him...

Dubai anything?

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Vitmal
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Where to bears stay when they go on vacation?

Bear BNB

  • this was literally from my dad
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ryaski
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What do Eskimos eat when they vacation in Mexico?

Brrr-itos.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Danielaurence
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
🚨︎ report
My 8 year old hit me with this one at breakfast - Where do dads love to go on vacation?

Papa New Guinea

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GuessImNotLurking
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the llama look a like say when he was asked to go on a vacation?

Alpaca bag.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shartnado3
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
🚨︎ report
5 cows standing in a field. How can you tell which one is on vacation?

The one with the wee calf.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pilotmuffin
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Where Do Eggs Like To Go On Vacation?

New YOLK City!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2019
🚨︎ report
If you want to vacation in Italy

Don't be afraid to Rome around

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hdeifh
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do ants go on vacation?

With your uncles!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Whosteeno
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do you go for an average vacation

Meh-ico

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AbjectEra
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Where did the pencil go on vacation?

Pencilvania

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tornadobill
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
🚨︎ report
When my Ex-Wife asked me to take her on vacation to some place she'd never been before..

I took her to the Kitchen

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/manicmoose13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Last weekend, I went on vacation to a leather working-themed resort.

It was awl-inclusive.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pizzzaeater14
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Years ago, I had a Star Wars game on my Samsung, but lost it while on vacation..

a long time ago
On a Galaxy far, far away

πŸ‘︎ 299
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fat_Hitchhiker
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2017
🚨︎ report
Me and my girlfriend went to a vacation and my family isn't happy about this..

My kids are angry and my wife is filing for divorce.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LONEWOLF__14
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do squares go on vacation?

Cuba

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/troublehouse
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s the best golf club to take on a vacation?

A driver

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lucidus_somniorum
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I told my dad that I wanted a long vacation. And he...

https://i.imgur.com/OcsWDED.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Omnitrix_666
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
🚨︎ report
All-inclusive vacation packages are scams

They can’t include vacation packages that don’t include themselves.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pacos-ego
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I've been dying to go to Greece on vacation.

But all they serve is bar food.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TippTop
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do sheep go on vacation?

The baaaaaaaaa-hamas

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StetsonTuba8
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2018
🚨︎ report
On my last vacation to the Dakota's, I spent WAY too much at a Native American store known for their elaborate cabinetry facades..

I just had to have a Sioux veneer.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/scotty_gzus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife and I just had a massive argument about our vacation.

I wanted to go to Cancun.

But she wanted to >!come with me!<

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Fired an employee for going on vacation to Hawaii without permission

We don't take kindly to beach of contract

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NLdave
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Two friends go on a vacation to Africa together

They come across the river. The one friend jumps in and exclaims β€œwow the water here in Kenya is so clear!” The other man replies β€œwhat are you talking about we’re not in Kenya! We’re in Egypt.” The friend in the water says β€œno I’m absolutely sure that this is a Kenyan river.” His friend sighs β€œdude it’s an Egyptian river...you’re in denial”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dickdackduck
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad always used to say the same thing everytime we ate at a restaurant when on vacation.

When the waiter asks "Are you finished?" "No, we're swedish."...

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KinpatsuNoHito
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2015
🚨︎ report
A scarecrow went on vacation. The farmer missed it very much.

Absence makes the heart crow fonder.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mortaltacomoose
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Where does Santa stay on vacation?

A ho ho ho-tel

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theBfrye
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
🚨︎ report
I went to Japan on a vacation, and I didn’t see a single ninja.

That was very impressive.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Do you know why all dyslectic gay guys go to Geneva for vacation?

They all wanna see the Large Hadron Collider

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kransen25
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
🚨︎ report
My family's on vacation in the US, and my dad keeps making the same joke whenever possible.

Dad: [Comments on something pointless]

Me: No one cares, dad.

Dad: I care.

Me: No one else does.

Dad: Obamacare.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperBlahXD
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2014
🚨︎ report
My daughter and I were on vacation to Mexico

We went out for dinner and when we came back the hotel staff had performed room service.

So I asked her... Turndown? For what?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Where do sharks go on vacation?

Finland.

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LeRoiDuMaine
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2017
🚨︎ report
I asked my dad where we were going for vacation this year. He pressed the middle of my face...

"The Poconos"

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/random_randall
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife kept trying to convince me we go on a vacation to Thailand

In the end I said Phuket.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TwoMoreDays
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm on vacation in Vegas, and my hotel falsely advertised views of the Strip

It was a strip tease

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2018
🚨︎ report
My parents were showing us pictures from their vacation

Mom: Look how big our bed was! It was two double beds pushed together.

Sister: Couldn't you feel the crack though?

Dad: I tried a few times but your mom kept smacking my hand away.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/titties_forever
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2014
🚨︎ report
Dad told Mom to throw a dart at a map to choose our next vacation while we all watched.

Our vacation will be to the veterinarian to take dart out of our cat.

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TMCBarnes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2017
🚨︎ report
Best part of vacation

Came home from a week vacation and uploaded 50 photos street lamps for everyone to see.

They were all the highlights of the trip.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mfitzy87
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2018
🚨︎ report
I pulled a muscle on my recent vacation to Florida, and I have no idea how.

I’m thinking of calling C.S.I. My-hammy.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2018
🚨︎ report
If you like remote, isolated vacations, do not go to Rio de Janeiro.

There's a Brazilian people there.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do mummies never take vacations?

They are afraid they'll relax and unwind.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Godzilla_KOM
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2018
🚨︎ report
On our vacation, we made a stop at the Fruit of the Loom museum.

I heard they were giving brief tours.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CheeseheadDave
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2018
🚨︎ report
I really wanna visit Tehran on vacation someday, but I don’t do well with long flights and Iran...

Iran’s so far away.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JAugustus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2018
🚨︎ report
An expectant father and his pregnant wife are on vacation in the wilderness. Suddenly his wife goes into labor. The man frantically dials 911.

Operator: 911, what is your emergency?
Dad: My wife is going into labor! I don't know what to do!
Operator: Please calm down sir, I'll help you through this. Now, is this her first born?
Dad: No! This is her husband!

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/conandy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2017
🚨︎ report
Why are mummys scared of vacation?

They're afraid to unwind.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are mummys scared of vacation?

They're afraid to unwind.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do crayons go for vacation?

COLORado.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shump23
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do Crayons go for vacation?

Colorado.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/coffee_cow
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
🚨︎ report

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