I told my suitcases we weren’t going on vacation

Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage

πŸ‘︎ 225
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hfoste1380
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07
🚨︎ report
Why did Thanos settle on Asgard for his vacation?

He wanted to keep it low key (Loki)

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dinzlo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15
🚨︎ report
I asked my kids when they wanted to go on vacation. I asked β€œWould July to August be okay?”

My son replied, β€œWhy would I lie to August? That’s not nice.”

I got dad-schooled.

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29
🚨︎ report
Two friends are having a conversation. "My wife has just gone on vacation in the Carribbean" say's one. "Jamaica?" replies the other.

No, she wanted to go.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EastlyGod1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13
🚨︎ report
How do you know that trees long to vacation at the beach?

Because they always bring their trunks.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NThruThe0utdoor
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25
🚨︎ report
I was on a family vacation in Japan when I slept in one day. My dad flung open my door and told me to wake up. I said, β€œDad, what do you think this is?...

...the Land of the Rising Son?”

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Campagnolo412
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20
🚨︎ report
This is going to be the first year that I haven't taken a vacation in Paris, because of the pandemic.

Usually it is due to lack of money

πŸ‘︎ 121
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RDRC
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
I listened to a jazz ensemble when I was at the ocean shore for vacation...

Nothing beats sax on the beach!

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17
🚨︎ report
Where do murderers go on vacation?

The Bahama-cides

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CapDonkey
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
My wife and I can never agree on vacations

I want to go to exotic islands and stay in 5 star hotels. She wants to come with me

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 13
🚨︎ report
I was tricked into buying an ill-fitting shirt while on vacation in a city in France.

It was Toulouse.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kilokiilo
πŸ“…︎ May 04
🚨︎ report
I went on a once in a lifetime vacation

Never again

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
🚨︎ report
I just told my suitcase that there will be no vacation this year, it sucks!

Emotional baggage is the worst!

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/midy-dk
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
Told my suitcase we could not go on vacation this year

As I'm looking at my empty suitcase I thought it looked sad... Then I thought "great... Now I have emotional baggage!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BelgianRoo
πŸ“…︎ May 10
🚨︎ report
My wife took a vacation day to carry her pet lizard around town in her handbag...

It's a purse anole day for her.

Credit: Brevity by Dan Thompson for May 02, 2020

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 02
🚨︎ report
Where did the swimmer pack everything for his vacation?

In his trunks!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
I am thinking of going Australia for a vacation

But will I get laid if I visit Adelaid?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rumble_ftw
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07
🚨︎ report
I just bought a cruise vacation!

Couldn't help it. It was too good of a sail.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Isntitabouttime69
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10
🚨︎ report
Where do crayons go for vacation?

Colorado.

(My 8 year old just made it up)

Edit: Thank you for the gilding, she's super happy about this all. You folks are too kind.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Megaseth
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend Wat never gains weight on vacation

Wat goes a round, comes a round

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jpereira73
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14
🚨︎ report
Hey boss, I've been thinking about my next vacation. Boss: Oh?

Ya. I'm thinking of taking the rest of the year off

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/transformermike
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
Dad:Hey kids! We are going on vacation to East York, PA. Again This year!

Kids: aww again?

Dad: yeah, I always like taking a trip down memory lane.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
🚨︎ report
Where do beekeepers stay on vacation?

Air bee and bee.

πŸ‘︎ 79
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What's a cockroaches favorite place to vacation?

Budapest

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSFG832
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
Why did the Pirate take a vacation?

Because he desperately needed some ARRR and ARRRRRRRR!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What is an elephant's favorite place to vacation?

TUSKany

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm not sure if my wife would be okay with traveling outside the 48 contiguous states for our vacation

but Alaska.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cloud9ineteen
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are mummys scared of vacation?

They're afraid to unwind.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I just got back from a vacation in sanfrancisco.

The trip was up and down.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LeonneRose
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do pigs love to go on vacation?

Mi-Hami

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alphaw0lf212
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Away on vacation and got the card to our hotel room. Told my wife: β€œ nice we’re staying in the pie room.”

β€œWhat’s a pie room?” she replies, Room 314. We’re staying in room 314. Should have seen the look on her face.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ArtisansCritic
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Why doesn’t a mummy ever take a vacation?

He’s worried he will relax and unwind.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I was told punpatrol is on vacation
πŸ‘︎ 90
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-_-STRANGER-_-
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the woman who went on vacation and got bit by a shark?

Her trip cost her an arm and a leg.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PurpelBananas
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the paraplegic who threw himself into the river while on vacation in Egypt?

The crowd told him he wouldn't be able to swim, but he was in denile.

Come to think of it, I heard about a guy in France doing the same thing, but I'm pretty sure he was inseine.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WhiteCubeNinja
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I stopped by a monastery while I was out in Wales for vacation and saw a monk selling chips out front. So I asked him "are you the Friar?"

He slowly looked up at me, smiled warmly and responded "No sir, I am the chip monk."

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
🚨︎ report
For their 50th anniversary, my parents went on vacation, but unfortunately, my dad got really ill. When they got back, I asked, "Dad, what made you so sick in Hawaii?" He laughed and said...

"Poi, son."

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report
One of the things my roommate packed for our vacation
πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cocky_Balboa
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife was disappointed when I told her our vacation was going camping

"But you said that this trip would be exciting." She said,

I replied, "Correction, I said that it would be In-tents."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the pirate go on vacation?

He needed a little ARRR and ARRR

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eleece
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What does Matthew McConaughey wear on vacation in Miami?

All white, all white, all white!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gasstationradio
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I didn't enjoy my vacation to Bali.

It was Seminyuck.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lolmower
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Summer vacation ends early for my kids

Ever since I came into my wife’s kids’ lives (6 and 9 at the time) I would tell them at 2:45 the Friday before schools started next week β€œsummer vacation is over. It’s just a weekend now.” Now I have my own 1st grader as the other two are off to college. The cycle begins anew.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SPEEDYTBC
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Where did the crayon go for vacation?

Colorado

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/walter923
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I returned from vacation sporting a full face beard. My students all tell me I look like Thor. I admit I was expecting a more Loki response.

I guess you could say I never Thor it coming.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DiamondLlama
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a friend who went to Dubai for vacation. I asked him...

Dubai anything?

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Vitmal
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What do Eskimos eat when they vacation in Mexico?

Brrr-itos.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Danielaurence
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Where to bears stay when they go on vacation?

Bear BNB

  • this was literally from my dad
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ryaski
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
🚨︎ report
My 8 year old hit me with this one at breakfast - Where do dads love to go on vacation?

Papa New Guinea

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GuessImNotLurking
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the llama look a like say when he was asked to go on a vacation?

Alpaca bag.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shartnado3
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
🚨︎ report
5 cows standing in a field. How can you tell which one is on vacation?

The one with the wee calf.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pilotmuffin
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Where Do Eggs Like To Go On Vacation?

New YOLK City!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2019
🚨︎ report
If you want to vacation in Italy

Don't be afraid to Rome around

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hdeifh
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do you go for an average vacation

Meh-ico

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AbjectEra
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Years ago, I had a Star Wars game on my Samsung, but lost it while on vacation..

a long time ago
On a Galaxy far, far away

πŸ‘︎ 299
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fat_Hitchhiker
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2017
🚨︎ report
Where do ants go on vacation?

With your uncles!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Whosteeno
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Last weekend, I went on vacation to a leather working-themed resort.

It was awl-inclusive.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pizzzaeater14
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2018
🚨︎ report
When my Ex-Wife asked me to take her on vacation to some place she'd never been before..

I took her to the Kitchen

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/manicmoose13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Where did the pencil go on vacation?

Pencilvania

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tornadobill
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad always used to say the same thing everytime we ate at a restaurant when on vacation.

When the waiter asks "Are you finished?" "No, we're swedish."...

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KinpatsuNoHito
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2015
🚨︎ report
Me and my girlfriend went to a vacation and my family isn't happy about this..

My kids are angry and my wife is filing for divorce.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LONEWOLF__14
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do squares go on vacation?

Cuba

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/troublehouse
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do sheep go on vacation?

The baaaaaaaaa-hamas

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StetsonTuba8
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2018
🚨︎ report
What’s the best golf club to take on a vacation?

A driver

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lucidus_somniorum
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
🚨︎ report
All-inclusive vacation packages are scams

They can’t include vacation packages that don’t include themselves.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pacos-ego
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I told my dad that I wanted a long vacation. And he...

https://i.imgur.com/OcsWDED.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Omnitrix_666
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I've been dying to go to Greece on vacation.

But all they serve is bar food.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TippTop
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
🚨︎ report
On my last vacation to the Dakota's, I spent WAY too much at a Native American store known for their elaborate cabinetry facades..

I just had to have a Sioux veneer.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/scotty_gzus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
🚨︎ report
My family's on vacation in the US, and my dad keeps making the same joke whenever possible.

Dad: [Comments on something pointless]

Me: No one cares, dad.

Dad: I care.

Me: No one else does.

Dad: Obamacare.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperBlahXD
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2014
🚨︎ report
My wife and I just had a massive argument about our vacation.

I wanted to go to Cancun.

But she wanted to >!come with me!<

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Fired an employee for going on vacation to Hawaii without permission

We don't take kindly to beach of contract

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NLdave
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Two friends go on a vacation to Africa together

They come across the river. The one friend jumps in and exclaims β€œwow the water here in Kenya is so clear!” The other man replies β€œwhat are you talking about we’re not in Kenya! We’re in Egypt.” The friend in the water says β€œno I’m absolutely sure that this is a Kenyan river.” His friend sighs β€œdude it’s an Egyptian river...you’re in denial”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dickdackduck
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Where does Santa stay on vacation?

A ho ho ho-tel

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theBfrye
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
🚨︎ report
I went to Japan on a vacation, and I didn’t see a single ninja.

That was very impressive.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2018
🚨︎ report
A scarecrow went on vacation. The farmer missed it very much.

Absence makes the heart crow fonder.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mortaltacomoose
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you know why all dyslectic gay guys go to Geneva for vacation?

They all wanna see the Large Hadron Collider

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kransen25
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Where do sharks go on vacation?

Finland.

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LeRoiDuMaine
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2017
🚨︎ report
My parents were showing us pictures from their vacation

Mom: Look how big our bed was! It was two double beds pushed together.

Sister: Couldn't you feel the crack though?

Dad: I tried a few times but your mom kept smacking my hand away.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/titties_forever
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2014
🚨︎ report
I asked my dad where we were going for vacation this year. He pressed the middle of my face...

"The Poconos"

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/random_randall
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad told Mom to throw a dart at a map to choose our next vacation while we all watched.

Our vacation will be to the veterinarian to take dart out of our cat.

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TMCBarnes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2017
🚨︎ report
I'm on vacation in Vegas, and my hotel falsely advertised views of the Strip

It was a strip tease

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife kept trying to convince me we go on a vacation to Thailand

In the end I said Phuket.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TwoMoreDays
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
🚨︎ report
If you like remote, isolated vacations, do not go to Rio de Janeiro.

There's a Brazilian people there.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Best part of vacation

Came home from a week vacation and uploaded 50 photos street lamps for everyone to see.

They were all the highlights of the trip.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mfitzy87
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2018
🚨︎ report
I pulled a muscle on my recent vacation to Florida, and I have no idea how.

I’m thinking of calling C.S.I. My-hammy.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do mummies never take vacations?

They are afraid they'll relax and unwind.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Godzilla_KOM
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Why are mummys scared of vacation?

They're afraid to unwind.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are mummys scared of vacation?

They're afraid to unwind.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do crayons go for vacation?

COLORado.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shump23
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do Crayons go for vacation?

Colorado.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/coffee_cow
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
🚨︎ report

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