Seems the Weekend had compete creative control for the halftime special and brought in his own production team.

I guess Everybody's Working For the Weekend.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JBCrew614
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
I too need a long weekend
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MQ1CGryEagle
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
The Invisible Man and The Invisible Woman got married over the weekend.

I did not see that coming.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tumalditamadre
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
I spent most of the weekend fastening pieces of fabric together for an upcoming project.

It was riveting!

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mmmjr16
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend and I have been really stressed and having some issues so we decided to take a mini vacation, a weekend trip to a ski resort.

Everything started off well, but things went downhill really fast.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ima420r
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
When I was digging through the wardrobe on the weekend, I managed to find a present for the kids that I wrapped in a box last year and forgot to give them. Bargain

Can't wait to see their faces when they realize they have a puppy.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/runew0lf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What do NASA programmers do on the weekends?

They hit the space bar.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zaddis04
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought a massive Christmas tree at the weekend. The guy in the store asked "Are you planning on putting it up yourself?"

I said "Nah, I'll probably just put it up in the living room"

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kreevbik
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My elderly neighbor had some landscapers take care of his lawn every weekend for several years. Recently, he hired a new crew, but forgot to fire the old crew. So this weekend they both showed up to mow his lawn, and got into a fight over who should be there.

He had no idea he had started a turf war.

πŸ‘︎ 543
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flash17k
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I heard they were going to broadcast the World Origami Championships this weekend since so many sports are cancelled

Too bad it’s Payperview

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GigaMike123
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife sees Satan every weekend for evil lessons.

I have no idea how much she charges.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadeauxmarie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I was at my parents house over the weekend. As a joke, I swapped all the labels around on their herbs and spices.

They haven’t noticed yet... but the thyme is cumin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a cougar on a hike last weekend.

I nearly puma pants.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/malker84
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I didn't put my watch back this weekend, so I'm living in the future.

If there's anything you want to know, about what's going to happen, just ask me.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Pretty stoked it's the weekend! Gonna relax and get drunk hans style...

Solo

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/postymcpostface21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend invited me over for dumplings this weekend.

I told her don’t worry about it, I know it’s a lot of wok.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PunkyBrister
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Last weekend I had tickets to go see Timmy, the Yodeling Shetland Pony.

Unfortunately, Timmy has to cancel. He was a little hoarse.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tsuggitt
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Had a great weekend. Won the annual weather forecaster's championships!

I beat the raining champion.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Friend: Ugh the concert I was attending this weekend got cancelled

Me: wow that’s disconcerting

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshPlaysUltimate
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I was driving to a weekend hunting trip when I came to a fork in the road. Sign said bear left...

So I went home.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sulpfiction
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
When I die bury me on the weekend. Because the day I die will be sad,

But the funeral will be on a sadder day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Keauxbi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Funny 'Dads Anonymous' story to share for the holiday weekend.

"Welcome everyone to Dads Anonymous. Again my name is Bill and you will notice that we have a new member, please welcome Gary -- Can you tell us what brought you to us today?"

"Well I have a very embarrassing confession. It's even hard to get the words out."

Bill reassures him, "We are all dads here and have been meeting for decades, we've been through all the highs and lows, births and deaths, tragedies, we've heard it all. Just tell us what's on your mind son, we are here to support each other."

"Well, a couple months ago, I broke both my legs in a motorcycle accident and couldn't walk, so I let my wife use the lawnmower." He says through the sobs...

Bob, one of the other dads, starts to get pale. "...and she didn't even cut it in a crisp geometric pattern, it was just random..." Bob starts to sweat and get dry heaves. "YOU BASTARD", he screams. "HOW COULD YOU LET THAT HAPPEN." The dads rise and get ready to beat the crap out of Gary, when Bill stands between them and breaks it up.

"Guys! Guys, we all get weak sometimes and things happen outside our control. Doug, you remember when you were in recovering from Chemo and you gave your wife a hammer, and she used it to hammer a roofing nail into the drywall to hang a picture!" Doug, looks down in shame, "Yes, that was a bad day, I was so weak. She missed the stud and left a dent in the wall, and she just hung the picture over it, crooked!" There was dead silence. "Thats ok Doug, it was twenty years ago, you were young and foolish, you can let it go". Then all the dads shook hands and sat back down.

Bill starts the meeting up again. Then Gary says, "..theres one more thing, Right after I got out of the hospital, she wanted to make a special dinner for us, so I let her grill the steaks..." "OH LORD THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" screams Dave, another dad, his face turning red. Gary continues "...she burnt them one one side and they were dry and chewy." Now there is a bedlam, one dad immediately passes out cold, chairs are thrown, broken bottles, Gary is on the ground being kicked in the ribs. After a few tense minutes Bill managed to get the dads off of Gary. "Stop it, Dave you're killing him. Come on, you remember that time you let your wife go to the repair shop for an oil change?" Dave hung his head, and muttered yeah. "They convinced her to change the cabin filter, wiper blades and the radiator collant..." Bill kept prodding "and, aaand" ...Dave broke down, "and she bought a jug of blinker fluid!" T

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the pirates least favorite thing to do on the weekend?

YARd work.

Thank you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MJWIZARD
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Over the weekend I took my wife to the theatre to see a performance that was all about puns.

It was a play on words.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bunselpower
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to the Home Improvement store this weekend and walked past the stud finders...

The noise was unbearable.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SerbianTarHeel
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Last weekend I went to a dog zoo with my kids.

They only had one dog. It was a Shih Tzu.

πŸ‘︎ 114
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kbsmth
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
🚨︎ report
In Germany this weekend they have been preparing for the crisis by stocking up on sausages and cheese.

It's the Wurst KΓ€se scenario.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/im_made_of_jam
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Went to a meatloaf sampling party this past weekend.

Two out of three weren't bad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndrewWaldron
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
For the past few weekends my wife has done nothing but drag me around to look at expensive new countertops

I'm tired of being taken for granite

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zembacraftworks
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Since it's Mothers Day weekend, I decided to make sure my wife woke up with a BIG SMILE on her face this morning...

Now I can't have Sharpies in the house anymore.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter’s wedding was this weekend

It was so beautiful, the cake was in tiers

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UmDeTrois
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Me: When I went to buy hotdogs on Memorial Day weekend they were all gone except these little ones.

My wife: Guess it was a Memorial Day for hotdogs then.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsaSnap
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
🚨︎ report
So I travel around my country at the weekend taking photo graphs last week I was in London it was amazing I could almost say it was a...
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m going to need you to come in this weekend
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πŸ‘€︎ u/originalripley
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
🚨︎ report
With the nice warm weather last weekend, a neighbor was enthusiastically diggin' in the dirt planting his garden!

He was so excited about it, he wet his plants.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/djpatientnathan
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbour came over to ask if I'd help him drain pasta at the weekend.

I told him I'd have to check my colander.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LikeThosePenguins
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I spent the weekend building my 1st foot-manipulated keyboard for the office.

It's my prototype Pro Toe Type.

I literally dreamed this joke last night. Help me.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brousch
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to a seafood disco last weekend.

I pulled a mussel.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/That-Big-Man-J
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are funerals always held on weekends?

Because they're sadder days

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/martinmgemme
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My co-worker told me The Weekend is coming to Vancouver this year.

I told her the weekend comes to Vancouver every 5 days.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedubya
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
🚨︎ report
We got a new dog at the weekend, he only obeys commands in Spanish....

He is Espanyol

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clarknova77
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the Caveman and Cavewoman do for weekend chill out.. ?

.. Went out Clubbin'

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
🚨︎ report
With thanksgiving this weekend....

I picked the wrong weekend to quit cold turkey.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drinkythedrunkguy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I was really sad so I bought ratchet straps on the weekend

Now I am really holding it together.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GamerDad87
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I was watching Zootopia on netflix with my girlfriend over the weekend...

I'm watching it with her, and halfway through the movie something clicks in my head.

Me: "Holy shit I just got it,this is a bunny cop movie"

GF: ......

ME:" instead of a buddy cop movie"

And then she proceeded to beat me

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2016
🚨︎ report

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