A Thursday afternoon pun to help you make it to the end of the week!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cold_Fly
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
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My neighbor with big boobs has been working topless in the garden all afternoon

I just wish his wife would do the same

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ohDaddyNo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
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I got locked out of the Euphemism Society this afternoon.

So I smashed their back door in.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 20
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Bonding time with Dad one afternoon.. /r/Jokes/comments/g8xxdc/…
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PK_GirPade
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
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I saw some people building a new bridge near me and every lunch break, they would sit down for afternoon tea complete with tablecloth and napkins…

It was very civil engineering…

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28
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My frosted glass windows smashed this afternoon

It's unclear what happened

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/endangeredpenguin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09
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Men who date sheep in the late afternoon...

...are just looking for CaSiO3.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06
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I asked my wife what to feed to the horses this afternoon.

She told me, β€œHoney, lunches of oats.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/richrashjr
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
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Dad always loves some fresh root beer in the afternoon. v.redd.it/794w2gaknmk11
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mechanicalmind
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2018
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This afternoon at the hardware store my son asks, "Papi, do we need any barbed wire?"

Me: "No, son. But, don't be mad that we don't. There's no need to take a fence."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wuapinmon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
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One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine

when he saw two pathetic-looking men by the side of the road, eating grass. He ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate. He asked the men, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have no money for food," the first man replied.

"Then you must come with me to my house," insisted the lawyer.

"But, sir, I got a wife and three kids here," said the man.

"Bring them along!" replied the lawyer.

The second man exclaimed, "I got a wife and six kids!"

"Bring them as well!", the lawyer proclaimed as he headed back to his limo.

They all climbed into the car, and once underway, one of the men expresses, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "I'm most happy to do it. You'll love my place. The grass is almost a foot tall."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kachow--
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
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ATTENTION: This afternoon I will attempt to travel back in time and change history.

You'll know I've succeeded if Germany loses world war II and Wednesday comes after Tuesday.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
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I’ve spent the afternoon re-arranging the furniture in Dracula’s house.

I was doing a bit of Fang-Shui.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Black_Hole_Potato
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
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Catnapping at my favorite snack bar this afternoon.
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/prlmn
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
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Today I told my family that I would be going to Australia this afternoon.

Because I am going down unda’! (Anesthesia... I’m having surgery today.)

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gabeb71
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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My wife wanted me to see our 2yo only in the afternoon

Good thing I insisted on the pre-nap agreement.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timorl
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
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My ten year old told me this joke this afternoon....and she’s a girl.

What do you call candy that has been stolen?

Hot chocolate!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RageMonster17
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
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My boss invited me to play a Par 3 this afternoon in exchange for sexual favors

I told him, "That's a little course"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/toromio
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2018
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I was shopping for some deodorant this afternoon. I noticed the instructions said β€œremove cap and twist up bottom”

It hurts to walk now but my farts smell great!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FartRipper67
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
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Have you heard about the Egyptian guys that work at the Toyota factory on the afternoon shift?

They call them the 2-10 car men.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jwhlr_online
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2019
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My van was squeaking so I took her down to the beach for the afternoon.

yep, It was the surfin' time belt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pumpdawg88
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
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I called Domino's this afternoon.

"Do you guys provide free home delivery?" I asked.

"Yes sir, we do," said the bloke.

"That's great," I replied, "I would like to have a 2 bedroom apartment."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
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Why does it take all afternoon to eat all of the herbs in the pantry?

Because it’s a thyme consuming activity.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aurrutia214
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2018
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Dad joked my teenage son this afternoon

Driving down the highway, when I saw a car carrying a bicycle on a bike rack. The bike was missing its front wheel.

Me: Glad to see that bike is well rested. Son: What do you mean? Me: It's not two tired.

I grinned all the way home, while he just kept rolling his eyes, pretending it wasn't funny.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/copast2
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2014
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Was cooking chicken this afternoon to use in a recipe for dinner.

Husband: β€œWhat’s cooking?”

Me: β€œChicken.”

Husband: β€œSmells foul”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/animomma
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2018
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This afternoon I pulled two fat gourds from the same vine...

They were plumpkin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SiLifino
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
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I spent the afternoon with my son at the zoo today and when we were walking through the bird area, he asked me, "Why do flamingos always stand with one leg in the air?"

I responded, "Because if they lifted both of them up, they'd fall over!"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2018
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My dorky office pun of the afternoon imgur.com/4ZfGwLg
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/emichbe
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2015
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Had to share; my son opened his fortune cookie this afternoon to find it empty....

He declared "that is most unfortunate".

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BiGmNkY2000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2017
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you know what the best thing about wake up in the afternoon?

you dont need to wait long time for lunch

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sharon12x
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2017
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Heading to the airport this afternoon...

Boyfriend: "Which terminal are we going to?"

Me: "We're flying out of A Terminal?"

Boyfriend: "Yes, but which one?"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/balletscience
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2017
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Father in law on fire this Sunday afternoon

Doing a crossword with my father in law and mother in law. He told me that he completed The Times crossword (which is apparently one of the hardest crosswords) the other day all except one clue. Mother in law says "go on then darling tell me the clue I bet I'll work it out" He says the clue is "heavily laden postman" She says "how many letters" He says "hundreds and hundreds I should think" Dead

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/megpuss21
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2016
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I was in a meeting at work this afternoon and heard this masterpiece

Older gentleman: I'm running out of patience in my old age

Guy on the other end of the table: Well it's a good thing you're not a doctor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mpflug7
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2017
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Got dadjoked by my uncle this afternoon.

We were all sitting on the porch talking, when my wife said it was about time to take my dog for a hair cut since it was getting hot. My uncle without missing a beat says this:

Q: Why does a dog dress warmer in the summer than winter?

A: In winter he wears a coat, but in summer he wears a coat and pants.

We could hear our neighbors groan.

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fubar2010
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2014
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Went golfing this afternoon and brought an extra pair of socks along with me.

Good thing since I got a hole in one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/beccab00
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2013
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Got my wife this afternoon with this one

My wife walked into our bedroom with our 7 month old to change her diaper. I was behind her headed for the bathroom when she said "hey turn the lights on." I immediatly started rubbing the two little screws that hold the light switch cover on like nipples. The pillow that was thrown at my head let me know I had a successfully completed the dad joke mission of the day!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thugaim2135
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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Anyone want to spend their afternoon making some Emilio Estevez puns? twitter.com/tomweingarten…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tomweingarten
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2013
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Sitting in the dentist chair this afternoon

Dentist puts on surgical mask

Me: "My breath doesn't smell THAT bad, does it?"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jtsims1990
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2016
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Dad joked my fiancee this afternoon...

Was telling the fiancΓ©e how much our copy machine at work sucks...

Me: So that's why we call it Bob Marley

FiancΓ©e: Why would you call it that?

Me: Because it always be jammin'

I started laughing hysterically afterwards, and she just stared at me like I belong in a straight jacket.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gohawks44
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2014
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Was making a snack this afternoon and my brain made this happen.

I threw out a piece of discolored rice. Does that make me a ricist?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/everythingZero
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2016
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Got my wife this afternoon

I had just left a client's office that about 2 hours from my home. My wife calls me and asks about the driving conditions (it's snowing lightly here) and also tells me that she is headed back to her hair dresser. Apparently the hair dresser missed a section last week when my wife got her regular dye job and needs to be touched up. The conversation ended this way: Mrs BMQ: "Drive safe Honey" Me: "Thank you Dear. Die safe"
Mrs BMQ: "huh? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!?!" thinking I had just told her to go kill herself ---- Safely ---- Me: "Dye Safe - don't get any in your eyes!" Mrs BMQ: "oooohhhhh" groan

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlueManQuad
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2016
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I went for a run this afternoon, got my roommate.

I walk back in the house,

Him: "that was quick." Me: "well yeah, running usually is faster than walking."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeStephenHawking
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2015
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During a Rather Gassy Afternoon Watching The History Channel With My Daughter

Me: "I'm kind of like Egypt."

Daughter: "How's that?"

Me: "We both have toot-in-common."

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WiBorg
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2015
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My dads news this afternoon

My dad text messaged my mom and said "I have some good news and some bad news" "The good news is there's no bad news and the bad news is there's no good news"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGaminCat
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2015
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My 14-year-old told me he worked all afternoon with a friend on a report about Finland.

I told him, "Oh! So it's already Finnished!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/akambe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2016
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I got my wife this afternoon

Postage and packaging from Russia was extortionate!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProjectFrostbite
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2015
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From my father-in-law this afternoon

During a visit with my husband's parents this afternoon, my father-in-law asked about whether our son (16 months old) got a lot of playtime with other little kids around his age. I said that we go to play dates occasionally, and I mentioned that we have one coming up this week that's also a gender reveal party because the mom who's hosting is pregnant again.

FIL said, "Gender reveal? I know -- she's a female!"

Touche, FIL.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jemstar
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad snuck this one in during lunch this afternoon

Me: I just finished a book about Prohibition, and it was pretty interesting.

Dad: I read the same book-it was pretty dry.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BudBill18
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2015
🚨︎ report

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