A GregOrIan calendar
With friends like that, who needs anemones?
Its the Gregorian calendar
If I catch the Corona Virus, I hope I get Lyme Disease too.
Corona just isn't the same without a lime.
Those were the days
Prices get slashed!
Comes a Saturday the 14th?
Something smells fishy.
A sweet deal.
In a dictionary
So Saturday’s really are for the Boyce
After all, all conversations will end on a 10-4.
Oh.... those were the days....
Turns out tomorrow is sadder day.
But may, May Fri 10 you more.
Ah. Those were the days....
"That is correct," I replied.
He said, "Would you be able to work outside those hours?"
I said, "No, I might catch a cold."
TL;DR need sex pun related to the navy!
Hey everyone! My boyfriend is coming back on leave from the navy this Friday. I am making a sign to welcome him home. I need a sex pun related to the navy. One's like "put your ship in my harbor". Thanks in advance!
And so the string decides that he shall stop at his favorite Pub and treat himself to a pint before going home to the wife. But after a decent walk he arrives at the pub to find a new sign on the door that reads " No Strings Allowed".
The string becomes infuriated. "How dare they" he thinks to himself. After having been a loyal patron for 10 years he decides this injustice is not to be tolerated and comes up with a plan.
He takes a moment and steps into the back alley way to be discreet. While he is there he ties himself into a knot and frays the top. Content with his disguise he marches back around to the front, enters the bar and has a seat when requests a pint of beer.
The bartender being a little suspicious looks at him a little uneasily but just can't seem to peg what the problem is. He serves him the beer regardless while keeping a close eye on the suspicious character. A little while later the string decides that the week at work has been so long that he is deserving of two... keep reading on reddit ➡
The horse’s name is Friday.
It was the biggest sail event they’ve ever had.
They always have a blowout!
“Make queso, number one.”
But Jesus will comeback Sunday
They know a lot about superstitchins.
I'm an Aquarius, and that's not in our trait profile.
He always has his Jason.
At first I didn't like my new hair, but it's growing on me.
I told her not to worry. Saturday's not a school day.
Make sure to fry everything well!
Me: Is it because you can look forward to the weekend? My kid: No, it is because I like all things fried...
Like the title says. We're having a large backyard style dinner on the Friday night before our wedding, it's called "Dinner, Drinks, and Dad Jokes". So...we need lots of dad jokes to tell all of our guests. If you would be so kind, hit me with some of your favorite dad jokes!
...you're up all night to get Lucky.
He's ahead of his time.
Today is still Thursday in PST.
Want to know why I spend all my Friday nights at the library?
I responded, "You could have made it a great Friday if you went to the party."
He's Canadian and I'm from the Southwestern states (Arizona) and he had never had a corn tortilla street taco, so I made pork carnitas on Friday night. He loved them and then he said to me, "That was a maize balls!" Took me a minute to get it but then I rolled my eyes at him.
I woke up rather late, so I rushed out of the house, and forgot my watch and phone.
When I got to the cemetery, I saw my cousin standing in the back of the small crowd, as the priest was saying a prayer.
I walked over to him and whispered, "Am I late? What time is it?"
"Shh!" He said. "It's mourning time."
A vulture was boarding a plane with a racoon in each hand. The flight attendant said, "I'm sorry, sir. Only one carion is allowed per passenger. "
It's going to be grand
There were so many great shales!
What would you call it if prisoners took their own mug-shots?
sister: What kind of laptop is it?
me: Its a Dell
Mom: I thought Adele was a singer?
I'm a student teacher at a middle school and I was teaching a track & field unit (important detail) when I dadjoked my kids who are obsessed with figuring out my race/ethnicity.
Students, "Mr. tman916x what's your race?"
Me, "Well in high school I ran the 4x400, 800, and sometimes 1600 but I'm more of a High Jump guy to be honest."
I've never seen a smile fade so fast from so many faces.
Employee: "The whole store is 30% off."
Dad: "Oh jeez, I don't think I can afford that much"
"$200 for Beats by Dr. Dre? I can just go to the supermarket and get them for $2 per pound!"
My sister's boyfriend came across a Sketchers ad when he said 'It's a little messed up that Kim Kardashian got famous from being in a sex tape and now she's selling Sketchers to little girls'. And my father says 'Yeah that's pretty sketchy'. Brilliant.
Had a table consisting of a mom, dad and a little boy. Dad is reading the beer list (which is all local stuff, including a Bridgeport I.P.A) and he says "oh, you have the Canadian Bridgeport, I'll have that." To which I reply "um, the Bridgeport is an american beer sir."
"No, it's an I.P., eh."
Him: "Today's Black Friday right?"
Him: "Then why's it so bright out?"
I know where my dad gets his humor.
Those were the days...
“Make queso, number one.”