Yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery, but today is a gift
That's why it's called PRESENT.
Make sure that your left leg is up before the clock hits midnight tomorrow.
That way you start 2021 on the right foot.
Tomorrow, I get to meet Phil Collins
I’ve been waiting for this moment all my life
Going to the foot doctor tomorrow.
Don't often think about my feet. They are usually the furthest thing from my mind.
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow
I’ve got a tip for a horse in tomorrow’s big race, it’s won all its races, it’s called “dusty carpet”
I told the cop, “You can’t give me a ticket. I’m running a marathon tomorrow.”
The cop said, “Sir, that’s not how you play the race card.”
I’m worried about volunteering to help my uncle at work tomorrow at the coroner’s office
It’s a pretty big undertaking
Tomorrow is either the dawn of a new day, or the day of an old don.
While paying for groceries at a local store ,they had reusable shopping bags with the breast cancer awareness ribbon on them with a handwritten sign that said $.99 for a better tomorrow.
I asked the young girl at the register "If I buy this and don't have a better tomorrow can I return it for a refund?"
I have a grammar test tomorrow.
Is 'buttcheeks' one word? Or should I spread them apart?
The LEGO shop reopens tomorrow but I recommend avoiding it for the time being,
People will be lined up for blocks.
I’m getting an MRI tomorrow...
They’re testing to see if I have claustrophobia or not.
What do you say to a math problem you are saving for tomorrow?
I am driving through England on a road trip, and I’m supposed to be in Greenwich tomorrow.
Not too sure what to do in the Mean Time.
Tomorrow there will be a protest about fairy bread
The police are expecting hundreds and thousands
Dad: Hey, don’t forget— tomorrow is Father’s Day.
Me: Don’t forget its son day too.
I've just been accused of reposting a Dadjoke about Time travel tomorrow...
On Saturday, my son confronted me about why I spend time with him on only 1 day of the week, but I spend time with his sister every other day. I told him that I would take him to the movies tomorrow, and he asked if it was 'just because he asked'.
I told him, 'no, because it's Son Day'.
Hair today, gone tomorrow. (Stolen from r/tumblr)
I'm 29 and my 30th birthday is tomorrow. My gf asked if I feel old yet.
I said, "Not even. I'm still in my prime."
If I disappeared into the fog tomorrow
UPS says my book on evergreen herbs from the mint family lamiaceae is going to be delivered tomorrow by end of day.
Tomorrow is International Mud Day, and I had this marvellous exchange with my 4 year old today, Sunday: "Better prepare your gumboots, tomorrow is Mud Day!" I exclaimed. My child, without missing a beat, replied:
"No it's not, it's MUNday!"
The apprentice has now become the master.
Diarrhea Awareness starts tomorrow.
There's a riot about cake toppings in London tomorrow
Police expect hundreds and thousands to show up
I've got to do some painting tomorrow.
So I decided to brush up on the basics.
Tomorrow is Jamaican Hairstyle Day.
And I’m already dreading it.
What's the first thing you should do tomorrow if you wake up a billionaire?
I'm flying to Oslo tomorrow to receive an award for losing so much weight.
I've won a Nobellly Prize.
(OC) I’m graduating tomorrow, this is my cap. Forever a loan
A famous viking of the red clan came home one day and told his wife it's gonna rain tomorrow. She asked him how he knows. He told her:
Rudolf the red knows rain, dear!
Don't forget to watch the big parade tomorrow!
The calendars are going to March...
Tomorrow night the Reindeer will be working for Santa against their will...
They've been forced into sleighvery.
Doctor, will i be able to shit tomorrow?
I don't know. I'm not a asstrologist.
What´s the difference between yesterday and tomorrow
They clothes school down tomorrow.
I wish people would stop asking me what I'm doing tomorrow
It's not like I have 20 20 vision
A friend of mine is having surgery tomorrow for an umbilical hernia.
He was injured during a navel training exercise.
What do you call a banana that's underripe today, but will be good to eat tomorrow?
Wish me luck. Tomorrow I start my internship at an electric company.
Her: Why are the potatoes burnt? Me: That’s for tomorrow.
Her: Huh?
Me: Tomorrow is Black Fry day.
Don't ask me what's gonna happen tomorrow
I don't have 20/20 vision
PS: Expect a lot of these sort of jokes today.
I really hope my new glasses work out tomorrow.
I’d really like to see 2020
Tomorrow the planet will be one year older..
I told my dad, “Don’t forget tomorrow is Mother’s Day!”
Dad : Don’t forget it’s son day too.
Dad: Hey, remember tomorrow is Father’s Day!
Me: Yeah, but it’s son day as well.
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