My uncle's friend won the Olympic gold with an epee made from a disposable thin metal sheet often used in cooking...
It was a good aluminum foil
A midget escaped from prison by using bed sheets tied together and scaled down the outside wall. He left a note detailing his escape plan, highlighting the prison guards stupidity and incompetence.
The Warden said "he's a little condescending"
Did I tell you that I excel between the sheets?
I told me son he was a big pile of sheet
It was more of a blanket statement.
Did you hear about the sheet factory?
Gloria in Excel sheets Deo
Have You Ever Tried to Fold a Fitted Sheet?
I bought a discount bed sheet off of Facebook.
Turned out to be a sham...
I wanted to try a different method when putting sheets on my bed
But I just made it up as I went along.
I had an employee at the hotel that ironed the bed sheets. I noticed that as the days wore on, the number of sheets ironed was going down.
Her job performance was de-creasing.
Someone keeps putting very thin sheet metal around my garden...
They keep foiling my plot!
Our toddler woke us up, ripping the sheet off our bed last night...
... it’s ok but, we recovered.
I just want to wear a sheet out in public
Wow I was a wreck last night -- t-shirt under sweat clothes, under two cotton sheets, under a polypropylene comforter, and a quilt on top of that! I could NOT get warm!
I can't imagine how miserable I'd be if I didn't have that can of Pringles in the cupboard....
Did you hear the joke about a sheet of paper?
My pet viper swallowed a sheet of window glass causing the snake severe physical discomfort.
It was a real pane in the asp.
I watched an interesting documentary about how to fasten two sheets of metal together.
I'm way, way too proud of my company's April Fool's bit: YOUcalyptus™, a brand new brand by Sheets & Giggles™ imgur.com/gallery/JolTuiG
I lost my job as a sheet metal worker.
I don't know what happened but I gave it my awl.
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
I once played Texas Hold Em against a sheet of paper.
How did the sheet music theft know how to steal music so well?
He started off by taking notes
I just finished a great documentary about the process by which metal sheets are fastened together with steel bolts.
*covers face with sheets*
They just don’t give a sheet . . .
I once accidentally sat down on a sheet of glass
It was a massive pane in my ass
I was talking to my boyfriend about difficult it was for my band to sight read sheet music by Stevie Wonder.
He said "of course it's hard, he was blind you know!"
I just watched a video on joining two pieces of sheet metal together. It was riveting.
I didn't watch the hole thing though. That would be boring.
Someone tried to steal my silk sheets and replace them with a cheaper fabric.
Not today, satin.
People keep telling me that sheets and comforters are so great.
But I think those are just blanket statements.
What did one sheet of plywood say to the one right next to it?
My wife was asking where the baking sheet for pizzas was...
I responded, "Well, I dunno, but if it was a pizza sheet, then I probably threw it away."
I had the same sheets on my bed for five years, but last night they ripped. Today I put new sheets on my bed.
I tried telling a bunch of jokes about knocked-over plywood sheets.