It was more of a blanket statement.
Turned out to be a sham...
But I just made it up as I went along.
Her job performance was de-creasing.
They keep foiling my plot!
... it’s ok but, we recovered.
Is that sarong?
I can't imagine how miserable I'd be if I didn't have that can of Pringles in the cupboard....
It was a real pane in the asp.
This SHEEEET bumps.
It was riveting.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
I don't know what happened but I gave it my awl.
He started off by taking notes
It was riveting.
He said "of course it's hard, he was blind you know!"
It was a massive pane in my ass
I didn't watch the hole thing though. That would be boring.
Not today, satin.
I responded, "Well, I dunno, but if it was a pizza sheet, then I probably threw it away."
I shed a tear.
We’re totally screwed.
They all fell flat.
But I think those are just blanket statements.
Fraternal twin sheets
Him: hey looks like you scored big time!
I was compiling a shopping list for things to pick up from the store when I asked my wife if there was anything she could think of to add.
"I don't know... Dryer sheets?"
"Dryer sheets? The ones on the bed right now seem pretty dry, I don't know how much drier the ones at the store will be..."
135 lab students over the semester. How many suckers come to me to sign off their work without having their name at the top of their sign off sheets. So.. as a Dad I have my solution:
I ask my students, "Can I write 'Your Name' on your sign off sheet?"...
In a beautiful cursive flourish I write: YOUR NAME
Guess you could say I come from a pretty weld to do family
To Infiniti, and Bed Bath & Beyond!
She said "This one's queen. It goes in the guest room."
"Of course it's queen, it just came out of the wash!"
What is a Vampire favorite fruit?
What kind of dogs do Vampires like best?
How does a ghost cry?
What does a skeleton always say before he eats?
What kind of key should you always take to a haunted house?
Why do Vampires need mouthwash?
What kinds of street do Zombies like?
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?
What did the black cat call the mouse on roller skates?
What does a vampire never at a restaurant?
What is it like to be kissed by a vampire?
Why did the witch stand in front of the podium?
What does a ghosts have for dessert?
What is a skeletons favorite instrument?
What kind of dog does a mad scientist have?
Be honest, how many did you get? What is your dad score?
EDIT: can't get spoiler... keep reading on reddit ➡
"After eating a balanced diet."
This came back to me today for some reason. Thought I'd share.
...and I said "looks like you're doing some bakin!" Oooohhhhh the look I got...
"There ya go, now we have plenty of sheet to fight over."
bahaha. Congratulations silly boyfriend - you're goin' on the internets.