Why couldn't the sailor play cards?

The captain was standing on the deck!

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankXCIV
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15
🚨︎ report
I met a pilot once who said he actually wanted to be a sailor.

He was in the wrong craft.

πŸ‘︎ 252
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kilokiilo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
🚨︎ report
Why do sailors find it so difficult to learn the alphabet?

Because they often get lost at "C"!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ May 07
🚨︎ report
Why aren't sailors scared of COVID-19?

They're used to the perils of disease.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrrainandthunder
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22
🚨︎ report
The captain wanted all sailors of German descent to come out onto the top ship platform and line up...

It was all Hans on deck!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
The new sailor, Leo, asked me where the ship's cook could be found.

I said, "He's in the Galley, Leo."

I swear, that guy struts around like all the planets revolve around him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Konamicoder
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
🚨︎ report
What did the American sailor say when he was brought on board the British ship?

I'm impressed!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeffvanlaethem
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23
🚨︎ report
Why don’t sailors like buying new hats?

They are afraid of cap sizing.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gntlmnTrey
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14
🚨︎ report
Why did the sailor wash the dishes in his boat?

So that it wooden sink.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nirdle
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04
🚨︎ report
What happens if you throw a Finnish sailor overboard?

Helsinki

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Where did the sailor go after work?

The Navigation Bar

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πŸ‘€︎ u/warpedddd
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15
🚨︎ report
Falling-down drunk sailors...

... are absolutely ship-faced!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
🚨︎ report
Why couldn’t the sailors play cards?

The captain was standing on the deck.

πŸ‘︎ 223
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CoolRedman1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
When is a sailor not a sailor?

When he's aboard

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tankerman05
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What happens to sailors put on trial?

They are judged by a jury of their piers.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strawbalicious
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do late sailors come from?

Missedhisshippi

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/N64GC
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Freddie Sailor Mercury
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
🚨︎ report
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?

Aft-ermarket parts!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/42undead2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
doctor 1: this sailor broke his nose from crashing onto land.

doctor 1: Luckily they're just mariner injuries.

doctor 2: are you shore? they seem pretty bad to me.

doctor 1: nonsense, you can seafarer self.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/liltrigger
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you know what would happen when you throw a Finnish sailor into the ocean?

Helsinki.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SkyStar1991
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the Shanghaied sailor say to the bosun?

Well, I'm impressed.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EngineersAnon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do sailors eat shellsfish when rain is forecasted?

Its the clam before the storm

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JormaR69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Sailor Loom
πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
How do sailors like their women?

Scurvy

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bad_Account_Name
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Only 3.14% of sailors arrrr Ο€rates
πŸ‘︎ 581
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slartibartfastBB
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Where does an angry sailor go?

Anchor management

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slutforchristmas
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
🚨︎ report
People only trust high ranking navy sailors. for instance there's Captain Morgan rum, Captain crunch cereal.... You never see seamen crunch!
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sisterblisterblob
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the sailor go shopping?

Because they were having a sale!

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/G4ll0wsHum0ur
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of boat do sailors learn their trade on?

An apprenticeship

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fdlowe
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
3.14% of sailors are Pi rates
πŸ‘︎ 189
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Headsup_Eyesdown
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Why can't you tickle a sailor?

Because they're nautical-ish

πŸ‘︎ 295
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TREXADRON
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2018
🚨︎ report
I made friends with a sailor.

I call it a partner-ship

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xiloar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What game do sailors love most?

Yacht-zee

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wawoodworth
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
🚨︎ report
She swears like a sailor...

Wife: β€œHow much do sailors swear though?” Me: β€œA Ship-Load!”

... one of my prouder dad-jokes

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOneTrueAnt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
How did Viking sailors communicate?

Using Norse Code

πŸ‘︎ 301
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JKent2017
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pissed of sailor?

A pIRATE

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yetilock
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Fun fact 777: 3.14% of sailors are Pirates.
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ryden22
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Some sailors got shipwrecked on a desolate island

They built a village out of their galleon and called it a township.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheXLivonian
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What do sailors do to keep fit and toned?

Pirates.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madlarkin001
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
🚨︎ report
An old sailor fell from the crows nest.

An old sailor fell from the crows nest onto the deck. He survived. He was used to hardships.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Intagvalley
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
🚨︎ report
What do sailors call their pin-ups while at sea?

A nautical.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tamer_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2018
🚨︎ report
My son asked how Viking sailors communicated

I told him "its simple, they used Norse Code"

πŸ‘︎ 158
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JKent2017
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2017
🚨︎ report
A sailor came asking if I'd seen his ship

I told him I didn't know what he was talking aboat

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/No7Jacket
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2017
🚨︎ report
"What makes you tick?" Asked the sailor flabbergasted.

"The clock," replied Hook.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rjtheknight
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2018
🚨︎ report
One of my junior sailors asked me why divers fall backwards into the water.

"Because if they fell forward they'd still be in the boat."

Back story. We give the new guys a hard time. It's tradition. Whenever we get a new kid they always send them to me with one of these questions.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ivey090
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2017
🚨︎ report
When is a sailor not a sailor?

When he is abroad

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SolutionCat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2018
🚨︎ report
What kind of oranges do sailors eat?

Naval Oranges

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wompinator
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2017
🚨︎ report
Sailor Moon [x-post /r/pics]
πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/machine_pun
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2015
🚨︎ report
When does a dog become a sailor?

When he embarks.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StolperStomper
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2017
🚨︎ report
The expression "Red sky at morning, sailors take warning" is really foreboding.

Get it? For boating?

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/freddy_schiller
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2014
🚨︎ report
Irrational Sailor imgur.com/D3lXEiN
πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikiekwoods
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2013
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the sailor learning his alphabet?

He got lost at C

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BoydOrr
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2016
🚨︎ report
What is a sailor's least favorite vegetable?

Leeks

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BreezyMcWeasel
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2016
🚨︎ report
Why were all the sailors only on the front of the ship?

Cause otherwise they'd get astern talking to.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeliciousDebris
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2016
🚨︎ report
Sea captains, sailors, and coffee.

Sea captains are nautty, sailors are knotty, coffee is not tea.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unbiasedfanboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2013
🚨︎ report
My Dad The Sailor Man

Most Thanksgivings, my dad drops this gem whenever somebody passes him the yams.

"I yams what I yams, and that's all that I yams."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/generalgrizzle
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2014
🚨︎ report
I met a pilot once who said he actually wanted to be a sailor.

He was in the wrong craft.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kilokiilo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
🚨︎ report
Why can't you tickle a sailor?

Because they're nautical-ish.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bignate1213
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Why can't you tickle a sailor?

Because they're nautical-ish.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bignate1213
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2018
🚨︎ report

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