In Kuwait
If youβre hot blooded, theyβll check it and see.
Just in case they have to draw blood
I guess you had to be there.
Assembly Required.
You had to be there.
I guess you had to be there...
Happened during a reading of an extensive legal clause, containing several 'or this ..., or that ...' statements. The entire department is listening intently, ensuring nothing is missed.
When the speaker quietly chuckles about the 'or' multitude after finally reaching the end of the clause, the director speaks up: "Wow, that sentence should be mined!"
Groans around the room.
Of course, that's mandatory
Everybody knows Albert Einstein was a genius , but very few know his brother Frank was a monster.
Mandatory minerals
these are all real. Some are made by me, some are not (ones with an "*" are mine.).
/r/NoPuns is a sub where posting puns will get you a ban.
/r/NoNoPuns is a sub for people banned from /r/NoPuns.
/r/NoNoNoPuns is a sub for people who weren't. *
/r/NoNoNoNoPuns is a sub where puns are mandatory.
/r/NoNoNoNoNoPuns is a sub where requiring puns is banned. *
A good pun is like a good cake: it has many layers. Subreddits are the same.
Some of the kids attending are:
Sally Buckteeth and her family of farmers,
Larry the Lefty and his fam of circus freaks,
And Johnny no-feet and his family of midgets.
They were all excited for their tour of the dairy farm, and the CEO himself stood up to speak: "OK, everyone, a few ground rules: due to the industrial nature of the farm, mandatory steel-toed boots and a minimum height requirement are in effect."
The assistant pipes up- "Sir, one of the kids can't attend the trip!"
CEO- "Oh no, which one?"
The assistant replied, " Little Johnny, the one that lacks toes and taller aunts."
So my dad just got his concealed weapons permit recently so for Christmas my step mom got him a new pistol. Since she didn't want to wrap a handgun, she printed out a flyer from Cabela's and taped it to a stray dumbbell weight to disguise it and wrapped them up in a small box.
When my dad opens the box, without missing a beat he coolly says, "Oh, look! A new pistol with the mandatory waiting period...."
The hospice nurse was asking mandatory questions of my Father-in-Law, terminal with cancer:
Nurse: Were you ever sexually abused as a child?
Father-in-Law: No, I was neglected.
Nurse: (surprised) Neglected?
Father-in-Law: No one ever loved me enough to give me any sexual abuse.
It's possible to laugh and cry at the same time. My Father-in-Law was legendary and laughed even in the face of death.
When I was in high school, I babysat 2 boys (who at the time of this story, were aged 7 and 10) for some extra cash. One day I was eating dinner with the family when the younger brother said that he couldn't wait to be in the fourth grade like his older brother.
"It's not that great," said the older one. "Once you're in the fourth grade, you have to read a bunch of books for a summer reading log and write a report on one." (In my county, there are mandatory summer assignments, the most common ones are English assignments.)
Their dad said, "Summer projects are good! They help stimulate your brain over the summer! If you don't brush up on your education for those three months, you could lose all of your smartness and never get it back!"
Older brother: "Yeah right. And how did you find that out?"
Me: "Well, they do say that firsthand experience is the best way to learn."
I guess you had to be there.
I guess you had to be there.
I guess you had to be there.
