As the newest medic on my shift, my boss told me it was my responsibility to watch the office.

I’m currently on season 6, and still have no idea what this has to do with being a medic.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rgapinski
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I go to the bathroom at work to avoid responsibilities

I like to say I'm stalling

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ScoDubs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I don’t know how to make good titles so I’m writing this to duck out of the responsibility of entertaining you.
πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A-Pork-Chop-57
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad died 17 years ago, but mom takes on the responsibility

http://imgur.com/48pSnFZ

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/queerdeviant
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2016
🚨︎ report
When my brother has kids I'm going to cook them rice and teach them about great responsibility.

My name is Ben.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zanman28
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad joke responsibility from the 1st minute

Doctor: [handing me my new born baby] I'm sorry, your wife didn't make it. Me: [handing baby back to him] Bring me the one my wife made

Taken from r/funnyandsad and believed it belonged on this subreddit as well

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cgilardini
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
🚨︎ report
When we die we lose both our responsibilities and our response abilities reddit.com/r/Showerthough…
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phike_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad Joke on /r/news: Russia says Canada weed legalization is a breach of international responsibility
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SergePower
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the Dad who claimed responsibility for the earthquake?

He said it was all his fault.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/onejdc
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2018
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend and her younger sisters (21 and 9) were adopted by lesbian parents. I'm going to be the only dad joke source in their lives and it's a big responsibility that I take seriously. Any suggestions are welcomed.

For the youngest siblings recent 9th birthday I put 9 dollars in a block of ice (had to bribe a local butcher shop to let me put a cooler in their freezer, worth it) But I need some long term ideas, because I intend to show this family with a lack of dads the full scope of dad jokes

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MANTHEFUCKUPBRO
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2016
🚨︎ report
I work at a paper factory, where my responsibilities are twofold.
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cross_beaux
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2017
🚨︎ report
With great puns comes great responsibility.

I came home today to a dark house, quickly learned that the power had been out for hours. Walked into my roomate's bedroom, they're sitting on the bed.

Me: "So I hear you're feeling a little... powerless."

I swear on all things holy that at that very fucking moment the lights flickered on. We just sat there in disbelief for a moment. My puns are that god damned good. I must use the power well (stealth pun PSA: love the environment).

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BusinessGoat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2015
🚨︎ report
My dad teaching us financial responsibility

Years ago my parents sent my sister to England for a summer camp/study trip. Whenever we would call her we'd all gather around the speakerphone and talk briefly since international phone calls were expensive back then. One day we call her and my sister tells my dad that she has 6 more days of camp left and she is down to her last pound (dollar). There is a long awkward pause. Then my sister ask: Dad, what should I do? To which my dad responds: Spend it wisely...

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cabrilo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2013
🚨︎ report
Well calculated response
πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
Gonna brew and market my own beer, and call it β€œResponsibly.”

Advertising slogan will be a doddle: β€œPlease drink Responsibly.”

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 30
🚨︎ report
The response time was very slow
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhoenixofRevenge
πŸ“…︎ May 01
🚨︎ report
I almost missed my cake day!

That would have been real crumby.

Edit: thanks for the gifts! I’ve never felt so kneaded.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SufficientNarwhal
πŸ“…︎ May 21
🚨︎ report
Humans are scared of hippos because they're violent and responsible for hundreds of deaths per year, when in reality, people kill way more people per year...

...so that’s just being hippocritical...

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
It's cloudy all over just now.
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ May 02
🚨︎ report
My grandad was responsible for 28 downed german planes in WW2.

Still to this day holds the record as the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
🚨︎ report
With great reflexes comes great response ability.
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lord_Vile1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Hope this one doesn’t blow up on me.
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lococlyde
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21
🚨︎ report
What did the yoga instructor say in response to the eviction notice?

NamastΓ©

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Konamicoder
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31
🚨︎ report
So I walked into my daughter's room with a tape measure the other day, and she was lying on her bed reading a book. I stood in the doorway and started slowly extending the tape measure, all the way across the room, until it touched her cheek. "What??" she asked me. My response...

"I'm measuring your patience!"

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Piccolo_Bass
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
BREAKING: North Korean Leader in vegetative state following surgery.

They're going to start calling him Kim Jong Un-Responsive

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Otherwise-Sherbet
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
🚨︎ report
President Trump just picked a fish to lead the coronavirus response team

He’s the Sturgeon General

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JonSolo1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21
🚨︎ report
My response to my wife’s update to friends and family regarding my surgery
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skhenson
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
🚨︎ report
What’s a group of Chubby newborns called?

Heavy Infantry

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sandyatk445
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16
🚨︎ report
I got home from work and sat down for dinner with my parents. "Wow, haddock for dinner?"

Dad responds "So I take it you haddock-good day?"

(Note: This actually happened today.)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Umikaloo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10
🚨︎ report
I was going to share a joke about sodium on here...

...But then I thought, "Na, they've probably heard it before."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Majikthise042
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11
🚨︎ report
No! "stairs" not "stares"
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Furrklww
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
When ever someone asks me, β€œwhat are you up to?”

I tell them last time I checked, I was 5’9.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-JustARedHerring
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
🚨︎ report
The purrfect response
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Best-cabbage
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Someone: "If you need 144 rolls of toilet paper for a 14 day quarantine you probably should've been seeing a doctor long before COVID-19"

My response: "144? That's a gross"

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jazzywaffles84
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16
🚨︎ report
Once i told a hammer joke

I nailed it.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DimitkoRD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
🚨︎ report
I'm proud of this one. My response to my mom's Facebook post. imgur.com/epX4rcj
πŸ‘︎ 248
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MetalJunkie101
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
A german tourist jumped in the freezing water to save my dog. After he climbed out, he said, β€œhere is ze dog, dry him off and keep him warm, he vill be fine. I asked him, β€œare you a vet?”

He said, β€œvet? I’m fucking soaking”

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rohanlahiri05
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
Friend suggested I post to this subreddit, my response...
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/calvinwashere2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Being a goat who jokes a lot I often get different responses.

But I prefer, "Take my upvote and leaf".

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MexElf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
🚨︎ report
No response yet
πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/elsholz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report
A nun is having a bath when she hears a knock of the door....

She says "who is it?"

"It's the blind man" comes the response.

Ok, thinks the nun. "Come in then".

In walks the man; "nice tits, now where do you want this blind?"

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/atheistmil
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
Asked my dad why he wanted to go catch big fish as he isn’t a fisherman.

His response.... just for the halibut.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bswenning
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16
🚨︎ report
In response to all the negativity on Reddit, Here is a positive post.
πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Erisian_Neko
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IcerKaker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
A man suspected his wife was hard of hearing so he decided to do an experiment. The man snuck up behind his wife and said, β€œHoney, can you hear me?” No response. He went a little closer and said a little louder, β€œHoney, can you hear me?” Still no response. So he went right beside her ear, yelling,

β€œHoney, can you hear me!?” She turned around and shouted, β€œFor the third time, yes I can hear you!”

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gho5ly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
BREAKING NEWS: To get a better response in Asia, Billie Dee Williams is being replaced with an virtually unknown actor.

People are already calling the character Rando Calrissian.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I stubbed my toe and yelled MOTHERFUCKER! in response

My dad poked his head in and said: Β¨You rang?Β¨

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm a trucker. My dispatcher texted me to ask if I'd picked up a load of frozen toast. This was my response...

20,000lb of frozen bread so clearly I'm loafing along and a gluten for punishment.

Bad puns are the yeast of my problems. This load takes me to the upper crust, but if I don't get it in on time I'm toast!

Sorry about my rye sense of humor...

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JimMarch
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
🚨︎ report
When drinking spirits, it’s important to be responsible.

Otherwise you’re decisions could come back to haunt you.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LyricalWillow
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Who is ultimately responsible for a child’s well-being?

The answer is apparent.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Krusty100
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
In response to u/-umop-apisdn 's earlier post titled "Suislide" I present Sue-a-Slide
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrBarramundi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Who’s responsible for the fall of the Soviet Union?

Everyone. They all share the blame.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
My Dad's Response to Giuliani's Butt Dial

I texted my Dad a link to the initial headline. His response is in the link below.

http://imgur.com/gallery/cAM4mhO

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LiquidSnake13
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad's response when I told him Eddie Money passed away (x-post)
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nervy_Niffler
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What fanatic is responsible for this?
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/noahep22
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm kinda scared
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Drainedlmao
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend wasn't too impressed with my response....
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/savman09
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call the gland in your throat responsible for deep thinking?

Your philosophagus

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mythfanite
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Priorities during a tornado

Multiple tornado warnings in south central Wisconsin where I live and my dad's first response is "We better not have a tornado. I just mowed the lawn, I don't want my house's debris all over it."

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MattyJV
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
The most dad response of all time

Neighbor: β€œwe have a problem. There is water from your property coming on to my property.”

My dad: β€œwell, you're downhill. your problem isn’t me, it’s gravity.”

...I am shook

edit: missed words

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jlg5314
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
[ACTUAL QUOTE] A$AP Rocky was released from Swedish prison today. Donald Trump's tweet in response to his release:

"A$AP Rocky released from prison and on his way home to the United States from Sweden. It was a Rocky Week, get home ASAP A$AP!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gentlesir123
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Two dudes chilling in a hot tub 5 feet apart cause they're

Responsible

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrcharlesboyle
πŸ“…︎ May 02
🚨︎ report
An English lady, while vacationing in Switzerland, fell in love with a small town and the surrounding countryside.

She asked the pastor of a local church if he knew of any houses with rooms to rent that were close to town, but out in the country. The pastor kindly drove her out to see a house with a room to rent. She loved the house and decided to rent the room. Then, the lady returned to her home in England to make her final preparations to move to Switzerland.

When she arrived back home, the thought occurred to her that she had not seen a β€œW.C.” in the room or even down the hall. (A W.C. is short for β€œwater closet” and is what the English call a toilet.) So she immediately emailed the pastor to ask him where the β€œW.C.” is located.

The Swiss pastor had never heard of a β€œW.C.,” and so he Googled the abbreviation and found an article titled β€œWayside Chapels.” Thinking that the English lady was asking about a country church to attend near her new home, the pastor responded as follows:

Ms. Smith,

I look forward to your move. Regarding your question about the location of the W.C., the closest W.C.

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12
🚨︎ report
What's something only 10 year olds can do?

Turn 11.

My kid asked me that question and they clearly had something else in mind, because she was less than enthusiastic about my response.

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KnightHawk37
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20
🚨︎ report
What triggers a Spanish man's Fight or Flight response?

His-Panic.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NIRU1497
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Wife proposed our daughter’s name to be Isabella

I replied in Italian accent: β€œNo, she’s Isagirlla”

Edit: with better response

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/waterox33
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
I’m talking with my sister in law about the fruit salad she made (my best quick response I’ve ever had)

Last family picnic my sister in law made a really good fruit salad. I was talking with her an my spouse’s aunt about it. SIL was saying how she’d gotten a mini pineapple and mini watermelon for the salad.

The aunt asks β€œwhere’s you get all these mini fruit”

Without skipping a beat I reply β€œthe minimart!”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coldovia
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Went outside with my work headset on..

Neighbor kid - "what are you playing?" Me - "it's called Responsibility" Kid - "any good" Me - "nope.. It sucks"

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shortbusaz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23
🚨︎ report
I can vouch for this
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DannyHallam
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Fun Fact: Steven King's 'It' is actually the story of a financially-responsible clown.

He's really penny-wise.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/paintedforfilth
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Purrfect response
πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Baker_Baker_1_9
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I returned from vacation sporting a full face beard. My students all tell me I look like Thor. I admit I was expecting a more Loki response.

I guess you could say I never Thor it coming.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiamondLlama
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
🚨︎ report
r/dadjokes is recruiting moderators, join us!

Update: Thanks for all your applications! Give /u/parin89 and I a few days to take a look and confer!
(if you haven't put your application in yet, you've still got time)

-

Greetings /r/dadjokes subscribers,

Years have passed since this sub started up, and there are now literally millions of you. Whoa.

Two million people is just two many two handle for two moderators. Especially these days, when both /u/parin89 and I have two many other responsibilities and a whole lot less time. I'm 200% sure most of you would agree that more mods are needed.

So we're looking for 5 more moderators to get involved. If you're keen to apply, read the rest of this post and answer the three questions in your comment response.

Answer these 3 questions in your reply:

  1. How would you describe a dad joke?
  2. Do you currently moderate any other subreddits? If yes, which ones.
  3. You see a post that is not breaki
... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 95
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tali3sin
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Last night I had a dream that I was responsible for culling half of the living population on Earth.

Then I snapped out of it.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theswarthyknight
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
🚨︎ report
A man who recently had vertebral surgery was asked to watch a horror movie. His response:

No thanks, I don’t have the spine for it.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Maxusthebeast
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
A Roman walks into a bar and says β€œI’ll have a martinus.”

The bartender asks β€œDon’t you mean a martini?”

In response the Roman says β€œIf I wanted a double I’d have asked for it!”

πŸ‘︎ 252
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πŸ‘€︎ u/James-Kinley
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
🚨︎ report
My husband wrote a very heartwarming birthday message for me on Facebook. This was my response
πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xomati
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2018
🚨︎ report
What do an anti-vax mom and a responsible bartender have in common?

They don’t give babies shots...

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fair_Charlotte
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
John, Nobody, and Mad met together at a park.

John and Nobody had an argument which escalated into a fistfight. Mad, being a responsible citizen, called 911.

"Help! My friend John is fighting with Nobody!"

"Excuse me? Sir, are you mad?"

"Yes, I am, how did you know?"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ShardFish
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02
🚨︎ report
Here you have some cocaine, but remember

With great powder comes great responsability

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DatMarx
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17
🚨︎ report
My Buddhist friend just gave me a β€œNirvana” scented candle.

It smells like Teen Spirit.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Help me come up with dad responses!

My friends and I have a running joke where we clown each other by responding to everyday lines in conversations with dad-like jokes. For example:

Him: I'm hungry

Me: Hi hungry, I'm Paul

Him: Say that again

Me: That again

Him: I was so pissed at him

Me: So what are you now

You can also bait your friend by saying things like:

Me: Are you excited for the banquet tomorrow?

Him: Yeah

Me: Hi excited for the banquet tomorrow, I'm Paul

Me: Yeah but you're Chinese

Him: No I'm Japanese get it right

Me: Hi Japanese get it right

I'm trying to think of clever dad responses to things like thank you, you're welcome, or anything that people say in everyday conversation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/reiwad19
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
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We recently hired a magician at the cemetery based on his response to how he could help combat the rising costs of burial arrangements.

"Abracadaver."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vodkashana
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
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A bear walks into a bar..

He walks up to the bartender and says "Can I get a...................beer?" Bartender says "Why the big pause?" Bear responds "idk man I was born with them"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/idiesoonpls
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
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β€œMy wife said: having a baby hurts like hell”

I asked in response if she thought it was β€œBirth-while”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lemmeticklethatpp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
🚨︎ report
Unbeleafable
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IncompotentCyborg
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
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I am a responsible folk, I've got CONTROL over my life! πŸ˜‚
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πŸ‘€︎ u/malama2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
🚨︎ report
well color me impressed
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/suisimon20
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Co-worker got a new drill and another co-worker responded, "Oh man, he's got a gun!"

The followed response, "Guys calm down, it's just a drill."

πŸ‘︎ 156
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LilPeabnut
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I have a very good feeling about my job interview today. The manager said they were looking for somebody responsible.

β€œYou’ve found your man,” I responded, β€œwhenever there was a problem in my last job, they always said that I was responsible!”

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sunilrai591
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
🚨︎ report
Persephone asked Hades for dessert and in response he threw a stone at here and said

Here’s a palm o’ granite

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/changhaobyu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
🚨︎ report
AntiVaxxers are a lot like responsible bartenders...

They refuse to give kids shots.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dewabarrelrole
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Oldie but a goodie, IMO

A ginger named Rudy was looking out the window, and then said to his wife, "Looks like rain!"
"How can you be so sure?" his wife replied.
His response, "Rudolph the red knows rain, dear"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToxianLeader
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19
🚨︎ report
My grandad was responsible for 28 downed german planes in WW2.

Still to this day holds the record as the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report
With great reflexes comes great response ability
πŸ‘︎ 214
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report
With great reflexes, comes great response ability.
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/webguy1975
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
🚨︎ report
With great reflexes comes great response ability.
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/leemuel01
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
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