29 Hilarious Shall Puns - Punstoppable 🛑

Jesus told Peter, "Come forth and ye shall have eternal life"

But Peter came fifth and won a toaster

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👤︎ u/ImmaMess13

📅︎ Jan 04 2021

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And god said to John “come forth and ye shall receive eternal life.”

But John came in fifth and only got a toaster.

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👤︎ u/King_Arthur24

📅︎ Oct 01 2020

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You shall not pass

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👤︎ u/Tarlungs110466

📅︎ Jul 25 2020

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It shall commence on 4/20

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👤︎ u/justlooking250

📅︎ Mar 19 2018

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How does He Who Shall Not Be Name do cocaine?

He Voldesnorts it.

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👤︎ u/positive_electron42

📅︎ Aug 07 2020

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We shall look into this

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👤︎ u/FabulousStomach

📅︎ Jan 21 2020

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My grandpa used to say "When one door closes, another shall open"

He was a great man, but a terrible cupboard maker.

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👤︎ u/Amraith

📅︎ May 04 2020

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This deer shall be known as Fawn Miller youtu.be/PLdXmiSOrIE

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👤︎ u/Robbie_Robertson

📅︎ Jan 31 2020

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We shall never call them Baskin Bees!

We already have a killer name.

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👤︎ u/Schrampus

📅︎ May 08 2020

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If spelling mistakes are made, puns shall be too

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👤︎ u/Shteffan

📅︎ Jan 13 2020

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We shall not flail!

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👤︎ u/papallamadrama

📅︎ Oct 14 2019

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Shall we kill him?

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👤︎ u/ikennaezeee

📅︎ Nov 06 2019

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Who shall deny?

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👤︎ u/hados1109

📅︎ May 04 2019

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What shall you give to a person if he/she makes a unfunny pun?

A punishment.

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👤︎ u/inoobie_am

📅︎ Jun 11 2019

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Any left over cabbage shall be shredded and mixed with mayo!

-Cole’s Law

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👤︎ u/browserleet

📅︎ Sep 15 2019

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Mother: What shall we name him?

Disclaimer, I am a mom, not a dad and my teenager gave me a dirty look when I told her this joke which I was very pleased to think up.

[Scene: Hospital Delivery Room.

Father holding his bundled newborn.

Mother of the child looking on lovingly from hospital bed.]

Mother: What shall we name him?

Father: His name is Mike.

(drops baby)

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👤︎ u/StcStasi

📅︎ Apr 12 2019

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My Philipino wife kicked me out for my general McAurther impersanation. I told here I shall return.

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👤︎ u/JoeFlom

📅︎ Sep 25 2019

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As part of my new religion, gluttony shall be given a penance of crunches.

Finally sinners will achieve absolution.

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👤︎ u/Dyspaereunia

📅︎ Dec 30 2018

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I SHALL GIVE YOU!! DIS PEAR

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👤︎ u/Redtyestar

📅︎ Dec 25 2018

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So my wife recently gave birth to our son in the car on the way to the hospital, I think we shall name him...

Carson

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👤︎ u/BobRoss84

📅︎ Apr 24 2019

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"f5" shall be the name of my new soda drink

it just sounds so refreshing

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👤︎ u/aparks1437

📅︎ Apr 05 2018

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I was never able to spell well, so this one is mine. He shall be named Fill, and he shall be mine. imgur.com/PDxyta8

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👤︎ u/FiggyFigster

📅︎ May 13 2015

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Shall I name this new insect I discovered after the current British Prime Minister?

Maybe....

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👤︎ u/Flayan514

📅︎ Oct 15 2016

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For my cakeday, I shall share the ever so rare MOMjoke. (in thread)

I was giving my mom some advise as she was buying a new car a few years ago. She brought up a car I thought would be an awesome car to own, and she shot me down...hard..

mom texts are cruel

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👤︎ u/cornnndog

📅︎ Feb 24 2015

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Ask and ye shall receive

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👤︎ u/amibeing2rural4u

📅︎ Nov 26 2013

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The lord told John to come forth and he shall have eternal life.

But he came in fifth and got a toaster.

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👤︎ u/Noobmaster69696

📅︎ Oct 01 2019

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And the Lord said onto John " Come Forth and ye shall receive eternal life."

But sadly John came in fifth and only received a toaster.

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👤︎ u/Stewie19

📅︎ Dec 09 2018

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*...and the Lord said unto John, "Go forth and you shall have eternal life."*

....but John got fifth and won a toaster.

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👤︎ u/SoDakZak

📅︎ Aug 09 2017

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God said "Come forth, and you shall receive eternal life"

But John came fifth, and won a toaster.

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👤︎ u/porkification

📅︎ Dec 27 2016

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