It's grammatically incorrect to actually use a split infinitive
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Korokus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
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No no He's got a point
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_3oi_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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Infinite love!
πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/djadmn
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
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An infinite amount of mathematicians walk into a bar...

The first asks for a pint of beer. The second asks for 1/2 of a pint of beer. The third asks for 1/4 of a pint of beer, etc.

The bartender fills 2 pints of beer, and walks away.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Good_Creeper
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
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Infinite humour
πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HmmmOk_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
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Days are numbered
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlackBleedingGray
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
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Butcher of "Baa"viken: Killer of over hundred innocent sheep.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/D00M12
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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An infinite number of mathematicians walked into a bar...

The first one ordered one beer, the second ordered 1/2 a beer, the third ordered 1/4 of a beer and so on.

The bartender poured two beers and said:

β€œI know my limits”

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/atom644
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
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Genie: "What’s your first wish?"

Steve: "I wish I was rich."

Genie: "What’s your second wish, Rich?"

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
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Infinite recursion, and a 3 year old's escape from dad jokes

So my daughter was full last night, so I gave her the ol' "Hi Full, I'm Daddy!" for the very first time.

She paused, looked at me like I was dumb, and said "My NAME is not Full. I AM full."

"Hi Not Full, I'm Daddy!"

She paused again, and said "My NAME is not Not Full. I'm full!"

"Hi Not Not Full, I'm Daddy!"

She figures out that this could go on forever and cracks up laughing. When she finishes she looks at me with a glimmer in her eye and tells me "I feel full." She never says "I'm full" now, and always uses "I feel full."

I'm not really sure where to go from here, guys. Help?

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaenFinehack
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2013
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Having gay parents must be horrible

You either get twice the amount of dad jokes or you get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mom."

Edit: On another Sub someone called me a homophobe. I want to say I'm not a homophobe it was simply a light hearted joke. I'm gay myself and wouldn't want to create hate or controversy. So sorry if I offended anyone.

Edit 2: Thanks for giving me my first award.

Edit 3: if you have heard it else where then fine Like this one guy in the comments said "I’ve seen it a few times but no doubt many people haven’t. No reason a good joke can’t be posted bc someone’s posted it in the past."

Edit 4: making too many edits but thanks for the gold kind stranger (And all of them means alot)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SergeantSolar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
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It's also discontinuous
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
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My ex girlfriend was obsessed with trying to find the largest known prime number.

I wonder what she is up to now.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
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Is it just me or are circles pointless
πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
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What do you call Pi when she complains about her infinite problems

Irrational

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πŸ‘€︎ u/womencaviar
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2017
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Her anger jumped discontinuously at that point in time.

Me: My love for you is 0/0 Her: Aww, infinite? Me: Nahh,Undefined. Her: Why are you like this, is there no limit to your stupidity? Me: Umm, now that you say it, I should've applied a limit to it. Her: I want to break your bones, ugh. Me: So are you saying that I'll have to re-visit the l'hospital?

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
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Maths
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bongnazi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2018
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Me: dad can I turn the air-conditioner on?

Dad: did you shampoo it first?

Me: what?

Dad: the air.

Me: ....

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sexy_bluefin_tuna
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2018
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my son just became a father last week,

so i know it was finally time. i went to his house and gave him my most treasured gift: my book "1001 Dad Jokes" he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said " thank you so much, im honored" which made me start crying. i responded with the only thing i could say "hi honored im dad"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SkyTheShyGuy
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2018
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If a priest is travelling at the speed of light...

does he still have mass?

πŸ‘︎ 101
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πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
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Prime numbers and stoners have a lot in common.

The higher they are, the more spaced out they become.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2018
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What do you call a pie without 3.14?

2.718

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/paoerfuuul
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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suislide
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shalev_palas
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
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Genie: You have three wishes. Me: Nice! I wish for pie.

Genie: Fine. You can have 3.14 wishes.

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2018
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The circle is the most ridiculous shape out there.

There's absolutely no point to it.

πŸ‘︎ 852
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mad_Hatter_Bot
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2017
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My laziness is like the number 8.

Once it lies down, it becomes infinite.

πŸ‘︎ 129
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
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Can you solve this pun? imgur.com/31JmJ92
πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2015
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STOP! Stop. Stop, stop.

You were four warned.

 

*Edit: I'm fourtunate for the upvotes.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kignak
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2015
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πŸ‘︎ 279
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToxethOGrady
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2016
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How many sides does a circle have?

Two! The inside and the outside

πŸ‘︎ 538
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πŸ‘€︎ u/letrollface1279
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2016
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A mathematician walks into a bar and says, β€œA drink for me, and 10 drinks each for everyone else!”

The bartender says, β€œThat’s an order of magnitude!”

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
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If 8 got laid...

she would be fucking without any limits.

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kaleidosky
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2015
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Got my girlfriend good with this one

Me: What did I say when I walked in on an Italian in the bathroom?

Her (she knows a dad joke is imminent): what?

Me: "oh eurapeein!"

Her: infinite eye rolls

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheWierdSide
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
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My math teacher just lost his mind...

He's a touch infinitely irrational.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/warpedddd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
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What happened when 8 got pushed over?

He was infinitely annoyed.

(From my son)

πŸ‘︎ 257
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πŸ‘€︎ u/atmatthewat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2017
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A mathematician goes to the beach

"Hey girl, you sure are angled alright. Your tan is infinitly beautiful."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buttengine
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
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Kleenex boxes are like cheap mobile data plans

You think they’re infinite until they’re snot

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JASearcy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
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What dads are thinking when moms are talking about their feelings
πŸ‘︎ 206
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thebobstu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2013
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Circles are pointless
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cope357x
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2018
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My laziness is exactly like the number 8

If it lays down, it becomes infinite

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
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Having gay parents must be really difficult.

Either twice the Dad jokes or an infinite loop of β€œGo ask your mom”.

πŸ‘︎ 116
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
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Having gay parents must be horrible...

Like, you either get double the dad jokes or get stuck in a infinite loop of "Go ask your mom". I can't imagine the pain.

πŸ‘︎ 98
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DamnDanielToHell
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2016
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My kids’ laziness is like the number 8.

When they lie down, it becomes infinite.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2018
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