Noun Puns

I'm pro nouns.

Comic sans

A Lot

I look him dead in the eye and say, "What a Pacific example you just gave"

Because the verbs were always so intense.

It's because he disliked capitalism.

But then declined.

They always precede them with "die"

... probable caws.

Now, he is a pronoun.

a Julio

"Who, me?"

I only have amateur-nouns.

(noun) A hand gesture used by a midget as a greeting.

Cool, that midget over there just gave me a microwave!

^{Source: ^Bullwade ^Anguish ^Dictionary}

Me: Not today, Dad.

My Dad: Give up. Let me tell you in his glorious beaming pride face

I use because, because, because is a conjunction.

Did you read it as a noun or a verb?

A noun that has lost its amateur status

He goes up to the bartender and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, then takes out a gun, shoots the piano player, and goes to walk out.

The bartender says what the heck are you doing?

I'm a panda. It's what I do. Look it up.

So the bartender gets out his dictionary. You know, for settling bets. You didn't have a problem with the piano player, just go with it.

So, sure enough, there it is in the dictionary.

Panda bear, noun. Not a true bear, eats shoots and leaves.

The bartender said, “don’t you mean a Martini?” I glared at him and said, “I only want one!”

British Pounds

It was assault with a medley weapon!

Now they have reel problems!

My favorite noun is amateur.

Medical experts have named it "carpool tonal syndrome".

Had this conversation with my son last night, he's been on a dad joke kick for the last six months, most of the time they fail miserably.

Son: Dad, do you know what a good noun is?

Me(rolling eyes, knowing where this is going): No, what?

Son: a Pronoun.

Me (with all seriousness): Bud, that was terrible.

Son: You know what else is terrible?

Me (wishing this was over): Ugg, What?

Son: Paper.

Dear Son, you ever read this I couldn't have been more proud. You had me giggling the rest of the night.

We were right below the flight path of the major airport in the area because there was a plane that was fairly close to the ground. So I said "I wonder why they are flying so low?" to which she responds "I don't think so, they probably have more than one passenger." I stare at her... she goes "So low? Solo?" I laughed and groaned. She will make a great dad.

they're still stationery.

The meowfia.

You guys didnt know the collective noun for cats is "clowder", right?

I am pro-noun.

When you combine english and math.

You get many nouns and many unnouns.

*(bad spelling intentional)

Well son, it is a noun so good at what it does that others pay it to be in the sentence.

I was testing my daughter over dinner tonight..

What is an Adjective? I asked.

Daughter: it describes something.

What is a noun?

Daughter: A person, place, or thing.

What is a pronoun?

Daughter:.... I don't remember...

Me: "It's a person, place, or thing that does that for a living."

My wife actually laughed out loud at this one! first time she's ever laughed at a dad joke! Once I explained it my daughter just groaned in agony. I'm so proud... of myself!

Hi guys, I need to change my username online (mostly used in games) as it's not really something unique ( came from a book I read when I was younger ).

I'm trying to find something quite funny, with plays on words for example. But english isn't my native language and I find it quite hard ! So I'm asking you guys to help me :) You're the best for that imho !

If you could help me find something mixing music (percussions/drums), sciences (my field of study, physics to be more precise), beer and animals maybe (?) (because I like that !)

I think this is possible to find something using some science-specific noun and something else. But I can't seem to find one that suits me :(

Is a noun

Driving down the highway today and my fiancee says "Look at how many little trees he has on his mirror!" (referring to the air freshener trees, of which he had at least 30)

I hit her with "Well he is driving a Forester."

Edit: autocorrect correcting nouns.

i·ro·ny

ˈīrənē/

noun: irony

The expression of one's meaning by using language that normally signifies the opposite,

typically for humorous or emphatic effect.

Note: Quality Very Varying (I see what I did there) and sometimes subject to specialist knowledge. So I apologise in advance. Shame me with your better puns.

While I was languishing in the Language Centre, doing some semantics antics and considering how all the other linguistics students despised and derided me, I was accosted by a stout man with large glasses who made me a preposition. It was that I should collect terrible puns, to do with linguistics, in order to ingratiate myself yet further with the other linguistics students (including even the phonetics fanatics).

I'm struggling to think of a pun to do with grammaticality that both makes sense and "Is grandma tickly?" correct. I'm also stuck on 'morphologician'. (I'm not actually sure that's a particularly logical word for the subject, though I guess that's more for, er, more for a logician to worry about.)

The problem I have with writing about phonological variation is that one is constantly forced to choose between being fun or logical - very Asian!I always get in trouble with electricians, they think I'm calling them a 'dialectician' whereas in fact I'm just saying "Die, electrician."

I like pscycholinguistics – the only department of linguistics where it’s acceptable to wear a cycle helmet. My Australian accent is terrible but I like to think my Sath Efrican one is predicate. My favourite accent is Received Pronunciation, because it is the accent chiefly used by invisible Japanese people who are ordered online. When the first recipient of an invisible Japanese person got the parcel, they wrote a complaint saying "Received but can't see Asian" and the name stuck.

Why did the speakers whose native languages weren't English, but whose only shared language was English, but they weren't very good at it and kept on having to stop to think about it, stop talking to one another? They came to an agreement. (Get it? If not, write your answer on a pastecard and paste it to the below address.)

What did the 'a' say to the 'the'? "You definitely are ticklish, 'the'!"

Why was the small man eaten by the large bear, which was proportionately bigger than him? It had, er, relative claws.

I think the reason there are so many speakers of Russian is because they all partake in an activity called "copulae shun". (Ok, ok, I know, that was Pushkin it.)

I know a man called Hillary who can, might, should, did, must, shall and will ride an ox. We call him "Ox Hillary".

I always think the verb 'to be' in the senten

"Feed me," corrected my wife, "Pronouns are hard," she added.

"If they were easy, they'd be called amateur nouns," I said. Got the morning off to a great start.

A noun that lost his amateur status.