We've got pun dog...and now pun cat. You've cat to be kitten me right meow!
Top of my fridge is now pun central.
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"
"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"
"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.
"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25 You know why?
My son came up with this gem just now during his birthday dinner:
What kind of beans do you find in a measuring cup?
Pint-o beans!
Tesla just announced they’ll be including a bottle of their new cologne now with every car sold
Now I know why it’s called Pulp Fiction
Twenty years ago, we had Johnny Cash, Steve Jobs, and Bob Hope. Now we have no cash, no jobs, and no hope.
It will be a very sad day when Kevin Bacon dies.
They're now training monkeys to be suicide bombers and they are known as.....
A man rushed into a Doctor's surgery, shouting ' help me please, I'm shrinking ' The Doctor calmly said ' now settle down a bit '..
..' you'll just have to learn to be a little patient '
In my divorce settlement, my wife (now ex-wife) wanted only the boring things...
Well at least he's satisfied now
It’s too late to make Suez Canal jokes now
My house got broken into the other day and now I can't get to my bedroom upstairs.
When they left, the burglars took the stairs.
When I was a kid it was free to use the air hose at the gas station. Now it’s $1
I know Bill Gates is going through a tough time right now.
I just hope he will accept my cookies.
What can you do for a tortoise that was falling in love but now is only falling apart?
Nothing you can do, it’s a turtle eclipse of the heart
Here's one I made up just now, in honour of Big John McCarthy
What do you call an entry in an arborists diary?
A log...
Funny how in the past everyone owned horses and only the rich owned cars, and now everyone has cars and only the rich have horses...
My how the stables have turned.
Edit: Wow guys, thanks for all the love!
I got bit by a Japanese mosquito on the leg, now I got a Japanese one and two
Am so good at pushing things off that am now a PRO.
I'm worried that the supreme court will lack empathy now that Ginsburg is gone.
Without her they're ruthless.
Yesterday a friend of mine told me he has a new job. He's garbage man now...
well, he didn't let that opportunity go to waste
Got my gf good with this one just now... I showed her a picture of the Mexico City skyline and she said, "that's intense!"
I said no, I'm pretty sure they're all buildings.
Sad news fellas, I broke up with my girlfriend Lorraine. She found out I was seeing another girl, Claire Lee. Good news though, I can see Claire Lee now, Lorraine is gone.
UPS is now offering hepatectomies
They guarantee you'll be delivered on time.
Can we start gossiping about Bill and Melinda Gates now?
So would this now be a can’t opener?
Now for my next trick... making your voice louder than usual
I saw a dude’s truck that said Master Baitor on it one time now I don’t fish but I want that
My dog used to bark Bow-Wow! Older now, he goes AARP-AARP!
I used to have a pack a day, but I’m clean now!!!
It was difficult, but I’ve stopped chewing gum now.
So *you* didn't receive my email and now it's *my* fault!?
Now’s your time to shine
Hope this is okay, but I write a new joke every week on a white board at work and I’ve run out of good ones. If you feel it’s relevant, I work for a roofing/siding company. Give me your best shot. I will reply if I find one to add to my list.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window.
A pigeon just flew right into it.
I have finale cracked the most difficult problem. I now know all the digits of pi.
Initially, I despised sheltering in place, but now I love it!
I think it’s Stuck-home Syndrome
Coronavirus is now all over the world
But China got it right off the bat.
My dog chewed up a bunch of stuff yesterday. Now he’s feeling gnawseous
My employer now gives two weeks off to recover from the vaccine.
They call it Modernaty leave.
Naah mate, just my pHocus is changed now
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